Page 135 of Knot All is Forgiven

After explaining my interaction with Dr. Talbot at the clinic and my goal, she picks up her phone and holds it close to her face."I want to be close to you when I say this, so grab your phone. Okay, listen to me closely. You deserve to be happy. You deserve to have your dreams come true. Change is hard, and yes, your life is changing drastically. That doesn't mean you need to give up the one thing you've wanted more than anything else."

"It's not that I don't think I deserve this. I have worked so hard for so long, and all of it was ripped away. I just thought that if I went back to being a Beta, I could salvage everything." I lay back, holding the phone over my face like I'm chatting with a friend, not someone I pay $220 an hour. "It was stupid and rash. I didn't actually believe it would work."

"Stupid and rash it may be, it was still a decision you made while under stress. I want to examine those feelings."

For the next twenty minutes, she helps me dissect the way I really feel about being an Omega, recalling all the ways being perceived as a Beta hurt me and made me struggle to love myself.

I don't like looking within like that. I'm not sure if anyone would enjoy diving into their psyche to examine why they self-sabotage, but by the end of our call, I feel better about everything.

Not good by any stretch of the imagination, but I'm not blaming myself as much for Lanie's choices. Packing up my nest and going to the clinic was a decision I made to avoid accepting that my life had changed drastically.

"You were trying to return to a time before this heartache. Before you lost your job. Before your best friend betrayed you."Dr. K brushes her hair out of her face."Over the next few days, please remember to be kind to yourself. What has happened to you, with the late presentation, the scent matched Alphas, and now losing your job and best friend, would be a lot for anyone. So spend some extra time on yourself, doing things you love that bring you joy. Be with your Alphas. Tell them exactly how you're feeling. And we'll talk on Wednesday, okay?"

Chapter fifty-one

"Absolutely, Ronda, I cantake Phillip on as a client."

"Are you sure? His agent says he's a handful, but he really needs a PR manager."

I rub my temples, silently pleading for Ronda to hurry up. The woman is as kind as can be, but she is verbose, and I already agreed to take on this client. "I'm sure. I researched him, and he can easily come back from this sort of scandal with the right strategy. Visiting a seedy nightclub like Prism isn't a career-ender, no matter what they're known for. Even if his whole public persona is what a sweet, innocent boy he is. I can spin this in my sleep."

After Ronda repeatedly expresses her gratitude and hangs up, I jot down a few ideas that came to me during our conversation. I make a note to call Phillip's agent tomorrow and get the ball rolling.

The month since I lost my job at Hurry Up and Grow has been a whirlwind. With twice-weekly therapy sessions with Dr. K to ensure that I'm coping with the extreme change, I've barely had a chance to focus on anything but getting Knightmare off the ground. What was once a marketing, ad, and PR venture that I barely paid attention to has become my full-time job, and I'm nearly booked up on clients for the foreseeable future.

I thought my regular clients wouldn't want to do more work with me, especially after how things ended with HUG, but that couldn't have been farther from the truth. After moping for a week, Cyrus insisted I let him call Ronda and put feelers out, while Simon forced me to call my prior clients and see if they needed more work.

The result? I now have so much business that I may need to hire some help. But I'm not ready to trust someone else just yet.

"Hey, sunshine," Vick coos as he walks through the front door. "How was your day?"

"So so busy."

His eyes catch on the sprawl of papers, my laptop, and magazine ad cutouts on the dining room table. "I can see that." He kisses my forehead before leaning against the kitchen counter. "Do you think it may be time for us to think about moving somewhere bigger where you can have an office?"

The idea had crossed my mind several times, but I've been reluctant to bring it up. I have some savings, but with everything with Knightmare so new, it will be a while before I can take a salary. I know we can sell my condo and get a nice chunk of change, but I feel weird asking the guys to spend their money so I can be a little more comfortable.

Sometimes, I swear Vick can read my mind because he chuckles, grabbing me by the arm and pulling me against his chest. "Stop worrying about money. I've got savings, and you, Cyrus, and Rafe have property to sell."

"They have property?"

"Yeah, love. They had condos across the hall from one another before they moved into that house to reunite with Slime and court you. They didn't tell you?" Dae comes strutting into the room without a care in the world, meowing for Icarus to feed him even though I have already given him dinner.

"To be fair," Rafe's voice echoes from the entryway as the door closes. "She never asked."

"To be fair, I was pissed off." He kisses me on the cheek as he walks by, humming an unfamiliar song on his way to the room he shares with Simon.

"Are you still pissed off?" Vick whispers, his breath hot on my ear. "When will you put those boys out of their misery?"

Sighing, I slump against his hard body, marveling at the way we fit together so seamlessly. "Honestly? I don't know. I've reconnected with Simon and Rafe, and even if things aren't easy, they're comfortable, and we're working towards everything. But Cyrus and I are still tap dancing around each other, and that was never my preferred form of dance. More of a jazz girly, myself."

He chuckles and buries his nose in my hair. "Why not just talk to him, tell him you're ready to forgive him?"

"It doesn't feel right. It's not that I'm not there. He's more than proven he legitimately cares for me and that all of it was a shitty, stupid decision made by teenagers." Icarus strokes my hair down my back, and I melt under his touch. "There just hasn't been that moment where things become clear, you know?"

My Alpha winces. "Actually, I don't think I do. If you forgive him, and you've always cared for him, why not let him know you're done keeping him at arm's length?"

"Okay, so, with you, I woke up in your arms after a traumatic event, and you took care of me. It was one of those moments where my soul recognized yours, and I was all in."

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