Page 102 of Knot All is Forgiven

"It's important to me that you know I didn't do this to force your forgiveness. I don't want you to just forgive me, Jordan. I want to earn it." I clear my throat, angling my hips so we face each other fully. "There is no erasing the pain we caused. No way to go back in time and make you ours from the moment you turn sixteen, regardless of the consequences. All I can do now is hope to be a man who is worthy of you. Because you, Jordan Cross, are magnificent. You are beautiful and strong and clever. Funny, dedicated, and kind. You don't have to forgive me. I am a planet in your orbit now, Jordan. There's no getting rid of me."

"What if I want you to go?"

My heart stops beating. Her words are a vice grip around it. "Please don't ask that of me."

"Do you remember homecoming, ninth grade?" The question gives me whiplash. "We decided not to go together, so I went with Jeremy Travis."

"Oh, I remember." My voice is nearly a growl at the memory.

"And he dragged me outside under the bleachers and put the moves on me, and I thought I wanted to kiss him, but I realized I didn't, and he decided he didn't care that I wasn't into it."

I had watched from the gymnasium as they left together, jealousy a living creature in my gut. I ditched my date, a lovely girl named Lily, and followed Jordan and Jeremy.

"It was raining hard, but we were dry under the bleachers. I wanted to run, but stupidly, I didn't want to ruin my hair and makeup. Or my dress. My mom spent so much fucking money on that dress. So I tried to extricate myself from him and wait out the rain, but he kept coming at me."

The fury from the memory is so visceral that it's like I'm seeing it happening right in front of me. The way he was holding her by her hair, one arm around her waist, trying to fuse his lips to hers. I ran through the rain but didn't get there fast enough.

He ripped the strap on her dress so severely that it revealed her strapless bra.

"Thunder went off, and a bolt of lightning flashed, and I saw you. You looked like a dark God in your all-black outfit, all tall, dark, and handsome. You pulled him off of me and tossed him on his ass." She looks up at me with a snarky smile on her beautiful face. "You had no idea how good-looking you were. I think that moment is when I knew I would always love you."

My memory flashes back to the look on her face that day, how round her eyes were as she stared up at me with something like reverence.

What do I have to do to earn that look again?

"That night, when you pulled me into your arms and whispered that everything was going to be okay, that is what you smell like to me. It's almost hard to describe. Like clean laundry. But not just the detergent. The warmth of a blanket fresh out of the dryer. The little bit of ozone from the static. Floral and gentle, sweet and clean. Safe."

I grab her hand and pull her to my chest, holding her head gently so she doesn't pull away. I bury my face in her hair, loving the sweet and sour scent that fills my nose as she clings to me.

"We were so stupid back then." I adjust to pull her onto my lap. "We thought that keeping our hands to ourselves would make things easier if it turned out we weren't your Alphas. You worried you weren't ours, but we were terrified from the beginning that we wouldn't be yours."

"Kids are stupid," my Omega says as she stretches out on my lap like a cat. "Why couldn't we just talk to each other? Lay it all out there?"

I snort. "Adults aren't much better," I grumble.

"Oh? We seem to be communicating fine."

"Not us." My stomach tightens, and I drop my head backward, wondering if now is the right time. But if not now, when? "Me and Slime."

She wiggles out of my lap and climbs onto her knees, resting her hands on her thighs. "What about Simon?"

"I don't know how he'd feel about me telling you," I say softly, looking everywhere but her. "But I feel like we need complete honesty between us moving forward."

"You're kind of freaking me out, Rafe."

I scrub my face with my hands and let out a frustrated groan. "Fuck, okay. Icarus mentioned that you liked the idea of polyamorous packs, like my parents."

She blushes fiercely, ducking her head. "I admired their relationship a lot."

"Honestly? Me too. And I don't know if I should be bringing this up or not, but you deserve to know. Simon and I hooked up a few times." It's quiet, and I can't bring myself to make eye contact with her.

"Uh," she clears her throat loudly, and I look up, shocked at how red her face is, "that's cool. Fine. Totally cool." Her voice is tight and high-pitched, and I can't figure out where her brain is for the life of me. "Is that still happening?"

"No, I don't think so. We haven't talked about it." I reach out and clasp her hand within both of mine. "Regardless, you're our priority, Jordan."

She smiles softly and laces our fingers together. "He can be your priority, too, Rafe."

The words take a moment to register, but when they do, my heart lightens.

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