Page 65 of Promises in the Dark

So, I turned back to the liquor cabinet and poured myself another glass of whiskey and drank it down, feeling the warmth spread through my body like a comforting blanket.

I knew I was being an asshole, but I couldn’t help it. I was angry and confused, and I didn’t know what to do. “I’ve got everything under control,” I scoffed, wiping my mouth on the back of my hand.

Yeah, right.

Red shook her head. She stood there, watching me, as if waiting for me to crumble. “You’re not fooling anyone, Rogue,” she pleaded, her voice grating on my nerves. “Not even yourself.”

I scoffed, snorting a little chuckle out my nose like some kind of sick bull. The way she said it, like I was some pathetic loser who couldn’t figure things out on his own, had my blood boiling faster than a pissed off rattlesnake.

“Are we in a fucking therapy session?”

Red shot me a glare that would’ve melted steel. “You can’t just drink your problems away,” she said with unnecessary concern like I asked for her goddamn input.

I wasn’t having it, though.

“There are better ways to deal with your shit than getting drunk every night,” she continued, gesturing to my empty glass.

The whiskey was starting to do its job, and I decided to leave it at that.

“And what do you recommend, Doc?” I retaliated, not feeling the need to mince words. “Perhaps pop some more of those Xanax you’ve been tossing back like they’re fucking Skittles? I bet that’s your solution to everything.”

She looked at me for a second, her eyes narrowing like she was trying to figure out a Rubik’s Cube. After a few seconds, though, she seemed to get it and sighed, shaking her head and trying to maintain her high horse.

“You’re an insensitive asshole,” she shot back, like that was a newsflash.

Honestly, I didn’t ask for her fucking opinion.

But every time she looked at me with those big, sad, green eyes of hers, I felt this weird sensation in my chest. It was like my heart was expanding, trying to break free from the cage I’ve built around it.

And it scared the living shit out of me, because I knew what feelings could do.

I didn’t want to feel a damn thing. Feelings were for weak-ass bitches who couldn’t handle their shit. Feelings were what got me beaten to a bloody pulp as a kid, when my old man would just lose it and go all psycho on me.

I learned the hard way that feelings were a sign of weakness. They made you vulnerable, open to attack from anyone who wanted to take advantage of you.

And if I let Red in, if I let her get close, it was over. I would be weak, exposed, and my father will win.

That was a thought that made my stomach feel like it was full of razor blades.

I couldn’t let it happen.

I slammed my glass down on the counter, the shattered glass scattering across the floor like an arcane ritual. This was my fight, and I was going to handle it on my own terms.

“You’re right, Red,” my voice had risen to a shout, the veins in my neck pulsing with frustration. “I’m an asshole, but at least I’m not a hypocrite.”

She flinched, like I’d smacked her across the face. She jabbed a finger at me, her face turning red. But I didn’t give a shit. I had enough problems without dealing with her fucking melodrama about my coping mechanism.

“I’m trying to help you, but you’re too stubborn to see it!”

I swore to myself that I’d never be that pathetic, fearful boy my father had made me out to be. So, I hardened up, became a stone-cold bastard, incapable of feeling anything but hate and anger.

But Red was right there, her green eyes sparkling with whatever the fuck it was she was feeling. And I could see it, sense it, like a beacon in the dead black pit that was my heart.

Not today, demons.

“You’re always trying to save everyone, but you can’t even save yourself,” I spat at her, my voice shaking with anger. “Maybe if you’d get your head out of your ass and stop judging everyone else, you’d see that you’re not the fucking savior of the world.”

Her eyes widened in shock, and I knew I’d struck a nerve. Good. I wanted her to feel even a fraction of what I was going through.

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