“Rogue,” she said quietly, stepping into the room.
And just like that, everything else disappeared. The mission, the traitor, this death trap we were in—it all faded to the back of my mind. All I could think about was her, standing there in the dim light, looking at me like I was the only person in the world who could understand her.
Chapter 39
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Her green eyes locked on mine, burning with that same fire that always got her in trouble, the kind of trouble I’d lost count of. She stepped inside, shutting the door behind her, and we just stared each other down.
“We need to talk,” she started, her voice quieter than usual, like she was trying to figure out where to begin.
My stomach tightened. I knew what she was talking about. The kiss. The heat of the moment, the way our mouths crashed together like it was the only thing that made sense in the middle of all this mess.
And now here she was, wanting to dissect it, to make sense of something that didn’t have any place in this warzone.
“About the kiss,” she clarified, taking a step closer.
I rubbed my face, trying to buy a little time. “Red, look… that kiss, it shouldn’t have happened,” I said, forcing the words out, even though they tasted like ash in my mouth.
Her face hardened instantly, like I’d just thrown cold water in her face. “Why?” she shot back, stepping closer.
I sighed, shifting my weight against the desk I’d been leaning on. “Because I’ve got a duty. I’m responsible for this team, for their lives. And I can’t let anything—anyone—distract me from that.”
“Distract you?” she scoffed, folding her arms across her chest. “Is that what I am to you? A distraction?”
“It’s not like that,” I muttered, but even as I said it, I knew I was lying. Shewasa distraction. A dangerous one. The kind that made me lose focus when I needed it the most.
Her eyes narrowed, a flash of something—hurt, maybe—crossing her face before she masked it with anger. The room felt even smaller with her in it, the air heavier.
“Then whatisit like, Rogue? Tell me. Because I sure as hell don’t get it. One minute, you’re kissing me like nothing else matters, and the next, you’re acting like I’m the reason everything’s falling apart.”
She stood there for a moment, arms crossed, staring at me like she was trying to figure out what the fuck was going on in my head. Hell, I didn’t even know half the time.
“Because youare,” I snapped before I could stop myself.
Her face twisted with hurt, and I instantly regretted it, but I couldn’t back down now. “You make me lose focus, Red. You make me… fuck, I can’t even think straight around you. And that’s dangerous, for me, for the team, for you.”
Her expression hardened again, but I could see that flicker of vulnerability in her eyes, no matter how hard she tried to hide it.
“So, what then? You think pushing me away is going to keep everyone safe? Is that it?”
I let out a bitter laugh, shaking my head. “It’s not about pushing you away. It’s about not letting myself… letting myselfcaretoo much. I can’t do that. I won’t.”
She took another step toward me, her voice low and sharp. “Why not? What’s so wrong with caring about someone, Rogue? Is it really that terrifying to you?”
“It’s not that simple,” I growled, my hands balling into fists at my sides. “You don’t get it. I’mselfish, Red.”
She frowned, confusion flashing across her face. “Selfish? What the hell are you talking about?”
“I would sacrifice this whole fucking team to save you,” I admitted, the words spilling out before I could stop them. “That’s how fucking selfish I am. And that’s why this can’t happen. It’s not right. It’s not fair to them, or to you.”
She stared at me, her green eyes wide, as if she couldn’t believe what she was hearing. And honestly, I couldn’t believe I’djust said it out loud either. But it was the truth. I was supposed to be their leader, the one who made the tough calls, who put the mission and the team first. But with her around, I couldn’t think straight. I couldn’t focus. All I wanted was her.
“So what?” she shouted, stepping right into my space now, her chest rising and falling with each heavy breath. “You’re just gonna keep pushing me away? Pretend like none of this is happening?”
I slammed my fist on the desk, the sound echoing in the small room. “Don’t mistake my restraint for indifference!” I ground out, my voice rough, almost guttural. “You think it’s easy for me to keep my distance? To pretend like I don’t want to grab you, kiss you? Fuck, my hands are trembling with the urge to touch you, Red. Every damn time I’m near you.”
I held up my hands, showing her the tension in my fingers, the way they flexed involuntarily.