Page 2 of Christmas Wish

Ruth could only shake her head.

Holly pulled up a chair next to her mother and waited for her to speak up, but curiosity bested her patience. “The lawyer mentioned your mother. Do I have a grandmother?” Holly asked.

Ruth raised her head and sniffled loudly. "It's a long story, Holly. I cannot get into it right now," she said.

Holly felt rage rise inside her all of a sudden. Her mother dragged her across various cities all her life and made her feel intense aloneness when she had a grandmother in a small town in Montana all this time.

“Why did you keep her away from us all these years? Why haven’t I seen my grandmother or any part of Montana before?” Holly asked, persistent.

“I already told you that I don’t want to get into it,” Ruth replied.

Though she wanted to scream and shake her mother until she got answers, Holly didn't want to upset her emotionally fragile mother. She stood up to leave, but Ruth held her back.

“I’m sorry, Holly. I just didn’t know how to tell you what happened,” she stated. Sighing, Ruth said, “Your grandmother and I had a big fight years ago, and I haven’t returned ever since. I just want you to understand that I did what I thought was best for us.”

Holly sat back down. “What did you fight about?” she asked.

Ruth wiped the tears that streamed down her cheeks. “In high school, I dated this guy. He was terrible – everyone could see it except me. He was the town’s, uh, nightmare, but I liked him. My mother was especially disappointed when she found out.” Smiling bitterly, she added, “This guy wanted to become the greatest guitarist and singer the world had ever seen. I remember sneaking off to the creek at night with him, and he would sing and strum his guitar all night until I fell asleep. I loved him. Oh, how naïve of me to think that we would ever work.” Ruth chuckled dryly, and Holly couldn’t help but pity her mother.

“I loved how determined he was, how all-encompassing his love was,” she continued. “Sometimes, though, this guy would hide away from the world for days and refuse to call or text me. He never hit me – never – but that man broke me. He has been breaking me all my life.” Ruth paused to wipe her nose. Holly took her right hand and stroked it gently.

“I knew that this guy hated living in our town as it seemed so small and inconsequential for his big dreams. He wanted to conquer the world, and Mistletoe held him back.” Sniffing, Ruth uttered, “I feared that one day he would disappear and never come back; that’s why I decided to get pregnant with you. I thought that he would finally have a reason to stay in Mistletoe once we had you. I thought that he would finally be happy, give up his dreams, or adjust it to accommodate you.”

“And did he?” Holly asked, although she already knew the answer.

Ruth shook her head. “No, he didn’t. When you were about six months old, your father disappeared. I waited for him to show up, but he was gone. Forever. My mother tried to be there for me, but I didn’t want her to. I was so angry that your father abandoned us like that. How could I be so wrong about him?” she said, wringing her hands while remembering the past. “It was a miracle how I managed to carry you to term because I was so depressed. I didn’t want you anymore; you became my mistake that I had to deal with for the rest of my life, and I didn’t want that. I’m so sorry, honey.”

Holly dismissed her mother’s apologies with the wave of a hand and urged her to go on.

“After I had you,” Ruth continued, “I started nursing dreams to find him. Maybe if your father saw you, he would fall in love with you the way I had and never abandon you again. You were such an adorable kid, after all. But my mother was strongly against it. She didn't want me to leave Mistletoe and pursue that “good-for-nothing boy.” I became angry and thought that she kept us around because she didn't want to be alone. Slowly, I started hating home and longed to leave.”

“You eventually did,” Holly guessed.

“Yes. I had no idea what life outside my hometown was. If I had known, I probably would've never left. I'd never forget the day I stole my mother's money, packed our belongings, and drove off in my dad's old van. I don't think you remember the van because it was one of the first things I sold as soon as our money ran out."

Holly fell back into the chair, thinking. “So, all along… all the cities we moved to… we were looking for my father,” Holly said aloud.

Her mother nodded. “Yes. Every time I came close, he would disappear. I spent the better half of your life searching for him because I wanted him to know you. I wanted you to know your father just like every other kid, but you can’t force a man to be in his child’s life. I realized that late, and…” She paused again.

Holly’s mind raced back to all the times she asked her mother about her father and they walked through decrepit streets and old houses, searching for something or someone. Her childish mind did not understand why they did that back then, but now she knew. “When did you stop searching for him?” Holly asked.

Ruth hesitated before replying. “I got wind that your father was living in New York and playing in small clubs. I was so excited to find him that I relocated there with you. I found the club he was supposed to play at and waited outside for him to come out. But he didn’t come out – he was thrown out. I saw him and was so shocked by the change that had happened to him. There he was, so haggard, worn out, and drunk that he could barely find his way home. I realized then that this was not the man I wanted around you, Holly. I watched him for a while and just turned around and left. I finally saw what my mother had seen all these years.”

“But if that is the case, why didn’t you go back to Montana?” she prodded. This story was breaking her heart, especially since her mother continued to sob.

“I was ashamed of myself,” Ruth admitted. “I abandoned my mother; I didn’t know how to go back to her and tell her that she was right. I wanted to wait for the perfect time – perhaps when I was richer or finally made something of myself. But that never came, and now… she’s gone.” She broke down once more.

This time, Holly held her mother, patting her shoulders gently. “It’s okay, Ma. It’s okay,” she said, trying to soothe Ruth. “So, what happens now? Do we go back to Mistletoe?” Holly asked.

Her mother shook her head. "According to Matthew, she has already been buried. My mother specifically instructed the lawyer not to call me to her funeral. I understand that because I broke her heart. I don't know when I'd be ready to return home, but it certainly isn't anytime soon. Matthew says that she left her old house and business to me, but I don't know what to do with it. I’ll sell it, I guess," Ruth uttered.

Just then, an idea made Holly’s face light up. “What if I go, Ma? What if I go back to Mistletoe and help you tidy things over there? I don’t have any plans for Christmas, but I can spend it there. Please, can I go?” Her palms were clasped together in a pleading form.

“Are you sure about that?” Ruth asked, skeptical.

She nodded eagerly.

“Alright, then. But please be careful.”

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