Page 128 of The Hockey Grump Saves Christmas

“Tonight, Wendolyn. I offer you this gift that shall surely make you fall in love with me.” He holds up the sackcloth bundle like it’s Simba.

Wendolyn pulls a face at it. “An effort might have been made with the wrapping,” she says with the perfect amount of snootiness.

“Please, dearest, most beautiful and gracious Wendolyn. It matters not what a heart is wrapped in. It matters what lives inside the heart.”

“That’s your heart?” Wendolyn gives it a poke and immediately jumps back, eyes wide, mouth open. “It moved!”

The icicle townsfolk gasp.

The mayor takes the gift from Sir Percival and passes it to Wendolyn. “Dearest daughter, it would be rude to refuse the gift of a visiting nobleman. At least do him the honor of accepting and opening his package.”

Mrs. B. giggles and elbows me again.

Wendolyn rolls her eyes, takes the bundle from her father, and rips off the sackcloth to reveal one of the hot pink plush piglets from the festival pig tail game.

The audience gasps with feigned surprise along with the icicle folk.

“Oh, my lord,” Wendolyn says, smiling now. “You brought me a piglet.”

“I did, dearest Wendolyn,” Sir Percival says. “He was the runt of the litter at the farm over yonder.” He gestures vaguely to the left. “Unloved and unwanted, much like myself.”

He dabs at his eyes with the cornerof his cloak, prompting more chuckles from the crowd and a drawn outawfrom the icicles.

Sir Percival waits for everyone to fall silent before continuing. “But I thought he might thaw your frozen heart enough for it to warm to me.”

Wendolyn holds up the pig and skates to the edge of the pond to show it to the audience.

While she’s gone, the mayor approaches Sir Percival and frowns. “A pig, really? My daughter is a woman of refined taste, and you present her with apig?”

“A piglet,” Sir Percival says, gazing adoringly at Wendolyn skating around them. “Anorphanedpiglet. I know deep down, under her frosty exterior, there beats a soft heart. And I believe the piglet will crack it open and lead me inside.”

The mayor scoffs and shakes his head as his daughter returns to her spot beside him.

Wendolyn strokes the pig and a wide smile spreads across her face. “Sir Percival, this is indeed the most unusual of gifts. But look at him! He is so pink and soft and warm.” She presses her cheek against the toy. “This piglet is worth more than any gold bars or jewels or extravagant displays and banquets that you could gift me. This piglet makes my chest feel warm. And makes me realize…”

“Yes? Yes?” Sir Percival approaches, hands clasped against his chest, beseeching her for the response he wants.

“…that I am indeed in love with you.”

The crowd cheers and applauds as if this is the twist they didn’t see coming. And my chest warms too because, damn, I love this town.

“Sir Percival,” Wendolyn says, hugging the pig under her chin. “I wish that you would propose immediately.”

The mayor is so beside himself with glee he does a dance like he’s hopping on hot coals, prompting more laughter.

With a swoop of his cloak, Sir Percival descends to one knee and takes Wendolyn’s hand. “Wendolyn of Warm Springs, oh love of my life, with your beauty and your harsh exterior that I know is only a protective layer for the softness that lies within, will you do me the honor of marrying me and being my wife to the end of our days?”

“I will,” cries Wendolyn. “And I shall name the piglet Percy.”

She holds the plush toy aloft as the icicle townsfolk erupt in cheers and applause and Sir Percival sweeps Wendolyn into an awkward hug in the way only ten-year-olds can.

The crowd starts to join in, then stops as bright green Abigail skates in from the side followed by the rest of the cast.

The older kids, who are on skates, join the icicles, while the little ones line up along the mat runner leading from the edge of the pond to the center of the action.

Abigail moves to the front, holding a sign bigger than herself.

She addresses the audience. “And they all lived happily ever after. Wendolyn went on to become the first female mayor of Warm Springs. Percy the piglet turned out to be a girl and the following year had her first set of piglets, on the same day that Wendolyn and Sir Percival had their first daughter.”

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