Page 16 of Two Guys, a Girl, and a Tripod

Despite the pounding in my head, I bring my phone with me to the bathroom and start scrolling, looking for something to interact with. I send out a tweet saying I’m in New York City and a gig fell through, asking if anyone is tested and ready to film. I doubt I’ll get any takers. In LA, it’s always my luck that I see those posts a day late.

I scroll for a few more minutes before standing and cleaning up for the day. I’m not putting on makeup until I have a plan. If I don’t come up with a plan, I’m staying in my room and nursing this damn hangover.

Halfway through brushing my teeth, my phone vibrates loudly on the bathroom counter. I wince at the sound, but when I glance at the notification, my jaw drops.

We follow each other. As if I wasn’t aware. Sara’s another plus-size adult performer who has built her brand over the last few years. I admire her. We’ve interacted under her posts, but never via direct message. A spot on her podcast would be amazing for my career.

I type out a quick response, thanking her and asking when and where, adding that I do, in fact, eat meat. Sara responds with the address and we set a time that allows me to get ready at my very slow pace. Stupid margaritas.

My head still pounding, I clean up and throw on a sundress, but then I pause, and study myself in the mirror. Do I wear something sexier? Shit, I don’t know if this is a video interview or just audio. I’m not sure why it wouldn’t be done on video.

I Google the podcast and find that it’s both. Some of the guests are fully clothed, some are scantily clad. The latter, I realize, only have thumbnails with no trailers or teasers. Those must be behind a paywall.

Sexy, it is.

I change into some cut-off shorts and the black lace bustier I was going to wear for my scene today. It’s acceptable for the public but would fit better at a bar on a night out. Still, it’s a happy medium. I put on a full face of makeup like I would for a shoot, then grab my purse and order another Uber. The pain meds start to kick in just as the elevator doors open to take me downstairs.

Sara is staying at a vacation rental apartment. Smart. More space, a kitchen, sometimes there are laundry machines. I make a mental note to look into that next time, though maybe in cheaper cities. She buzzes me in when I arrive. I don’t have time to marvel at the absolutely gorgeous lobby of the building. It’s full of colorful marble and there’s even a grand staircase leading to the second floor.

I hurry to the elevator across the lobby and hit the button before checking my phone for the floor. Fifteenth, got it. But instead of an apartment number, Sara gives me a code to input. Frowning, I memorize the four-digit code and enter it once I get intothe elevator.

When I step out, my jaw drops. The whole goddamn floor is a single apartment. Now I get the lack of apartment number in her message.

“I’m coming!” Sara’s voice echoes from somewhere to my left.

The apartment is sleek and modern, all white and shiny with enormous windows. The light spilling in makes me incredibly jealous even though my apartment back home gets great natural light. It bounces off of the surfaces of the white leather couch, the white coffee table, the shiny white marble tile floor. That’s when I notice that not a single lamp or overhead light is on. It’s all lit by the sun.

Something smells amazing, making my stomach growl.

Sara comes jogging in, her cheeks slightly pink from whatever she was just doing. She smiles from ear to ear and her blue eyes shine with warmth. It’s infectious and I feel a grin spread over my face as she approaches with a pale hand held out.

She’s wearing a short black dress that fans out when she moves. It’s simple and cotton, covered in a floral pattern, but it’s definitely not the skimpy clothing I’ve seen in some of the thumbnails forHide the Sausage. I suddenly feel overdressed. Or underdressed, depending on your view.

“It’s so nice to meet you.”

“Thank you so much for this.” I grab her hand and shake it a couple of times before dropping it.

“Oh of course! A few fans have requested you as a guest, but I just hadn’t gotten around to reaching out. This is pure luck!” She claps her hands and rubs them together with glee. “So, you might be wondering why I asked about your diet.”

I nod and chuckle as Sara waves for me to follow her back the way she came. I know her podcast gets listeners and I’ve seen thumbnails, but I haven’t actually listened to or watched an episode yet. I feel a little guilty for not at least listening to part of one on the way over.

“Yeah, that was a little weird,” I admit.

“I was trying to think of something silly, but wholesome so that we could do it for the regularandthe premium episodes. My guests and I try different sausages and bratwursts and things like that. I try to go local and if my guest is vegetarian or vegan, then I work around it and find meatless sausage. Just three different ones,” Sara continues as we enter into a large sitting room.

There are a couple of legitimate, professional cameras set up on tripods. The studio lights are turned off, aimed at light two very comfortable-looking white armchairs.Microphones are set up to swing toward the occupants of the chairs and over on a side table are two plates wrapped in foil.

“Ok, so feel free to have a seat over there,” Sara says, pointing to the chair on the right. “I’ll grab your plate and I have a bottle of water for you, just in case any are terrible. I make no guarantees.”

“Hey, you’re in charge.” I set my purse near the doorway and take a seat in the chair she indicated.

“That’s right, I am!”

Sara hands me the plate and a labelless bottle of water. A couple of utensils stick out from beneath the foil. When Sara returns to grab her plate, she pauses to start the cameras and taps a few buttons on a laptop I hadn’t noticed on the coffee table. I try to get comfortable with the plate on my lap.

“Ok, are you ready?” Sara sits and grins at me.

“Absolutely.” I’m nervous as fuck. Heart pumping, hands trembling slightly. This might be worse than when I meet new co-stars.

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