Page 76 of All Saints: Pledge

What is going on right now? I turn unprotesting as he runs his hands down the slinky black dress, then settles his hands at the zipper and pulls. “But you’ve been right. You’ve alwaysbeenright,” he continues. “I have been a prick. When I should have just shown you what is possible. What Iwant. And you’re right about your dreams, and how unfair it is to ask you to leave Oxford. And so, I have a compromise to suggest.”

The zipper reaches its bottom, and he reaches up, slipping each little spaghetti strap off each shoulder before turning me back around. I protest, but he leans in and places a kiss right where my neck meets my shoulder. One small one on each side, and it’s enough to steal my words. Kendall is being…gentle. Caring.

“Let me take care of you,” he says. “You are so gorgeous. I have never met anyone whose skin intoxicates me.” He pauses, reaching out a finger. Toying with it, he pushes the straps down. My arms are now the only thing keeping my dress up.

This is bananas. I should not be thinking about dropping my dress in front of Kendall. I should not. And yet as he runs his finger just under the neckline, I let it inch down. His eyes have blown wide, and his chest rises and falls like he’s run a marathon. “So, so beautiful,” he murmurs, eyes on my collarbone again.

And I lose my mind, and let the dress fall to the floor with a whisper of silken material. My hands are the only things between my bare chest and a fully dressed Kendall. He sucks in a breath. Gooseflesh erupts over my body. I expect him to pull me to him, but he just studies my form, then yanks his eyes backup to mine. Without breaking my gaze, he reaches behind me. “You’re cold.”

He pulls something off the back of my chair—my robe from earlier—and tenderly tucks it over my shoulders. I slide my arms in, brows furrowed in confusion. I thought that this was going in another direction.

Once I’ve looped my belt, he steers me to the chair where I plop down as if I’m a puppet. “Helena, I want you to move in with me.”

At his words, I splutter. Then stutter. Then stare at him in the mirror. He’sinsane. I cannot even form coherent words.

“Listen. If you quit All Saints. If you’re…if you’re free of them. You can stay at Oxford. I’ll help you. I’ll pay what you can’t. My contract will be enough for both of us. I’ll probably have some money left even after everything goes to shit.”

“Kendall, I can’t live with you.” I meet his gaze in the mirror. “Did you hit your head tonight?”

He starts to run his fingers through my hair, letting the silky mass pass through his fingers. I can’t deny it feels good, and soon I close my eyes. At least if Kendall hit his head, he’s able to give a damn fine scalp massage. “You could come home, and there would be someone there. We could study together. No one else understands what we’ve been through. I’d be able to keep you safe, to keep yougoodand kind, and untouched. My father couldn’t get to you. We could…”

“Kill each other,” I manage. Goddamn him and his magic fingers.

He chuckles, then pulls me to my feet. “I told you to let me show you I mean what I say. We wouldn’t kill each other, not if we could just be…us. Us without this stupid game that we’re being forced to play right now. We could be together. We could eat, and study, and play, and…” his gaze drops to my lips, “everyday when I came home I could do what I’ve wanted to do since the day I met you.”

His kiss isn’t angry, it’s reverent. It’s sweet. And I don’t stop him. He leans down and draws my own lips in, long and lingering. “I would do that every day, just to say hello.”

I’m having a hard time staying on my feet. I sway toward him. He pushes me back, and I realize he’s steering me into the bathroom. “And, when we’d finished doing…whatever we’d like to say hello? I could have you alone in the privacy of our own place to do whatever else we wanted. Whenever we wanted. What do you think about that?”

“I think you’ve lost your fucking mind, or all this abstinence is getting to you. You’re so horny you’ve lost control,” I say with a laugh.

He grips my chin and raises my face. “You have a dirty, pretty mouth. I have dreamed about that dirty mouth all over me.”

I think I try to make words, but everything comes out garbled. “We’re not allowed to,” I finally manage.

“Do you want me to stop?” His eyes hold mine, and it’s like the bottom falls out of my stomach, molten lava flowing to my toes.

“N…no,” I say before he leans in again and kisses me sweetly.

“Good. I don’t want to.” He lets go of me and steps away.

I protest, but he’s across the room, and locking the door to Clara’s side before I even know what’s happening. The room is dim. I can only see his outline. Then he’s back in front of me, running his hands over my skin and waist before pulling me to him and giving me another searing kiss. I’m putty in his hands, useless against the methods he’s using to ply me. My body has given up, lost in the haze of unfiltered Kendall. Sweet and genuine Kendall. A Kendall who wants to live with me, play house with me. A Kendall that wants to do more with me than just make out against library shelves. But…can I actually flip allof this around in my head and see Kendall as the good guy? As someone to build a real future with?

A misunderstood man, manipulated by his father and family expectations, who hid his love for me behind coldness and bullying? A man who is, if he’s to be believed, trying to do the right thing at great personal risk. He says he wants to protect me. To give me the opportunity to stay at Oxford. To have a home here, to have a life together—one where he’ll support my dreams and we’ll have the means to support them? It’s an unbelievably large amount of stuff to unpack in such short order, especially when his hands have found their way to the gap in my robe, and I want to just yank it open to assuage the ache in my chest.

“Help me to be the person I want to be. Say yes, Helena.” He’s worshipping the side of my neck, and I can feel the fever heat of his skin through my robe. “I can’t stop thinking about you. Every morning. Every night. It’s worse now that we’re here, now that I know what it feels like to kiss you. I want to be around you. I want you in my spaces, in my life. In my bed.” He pulls back, making sure I see that he’s completely serious. “I thought I could forget you. Move past it. But you are ever-present. Here. In my mind. Your smell, your laugh, you areeverywhere. And I am so tired of fighting it. So stay in England, Helena. Stay with me, give me something outside of this godforsaken organization to fight for.”

And that molten lava races up from my toes, twining around my heart and my mind because somehow…I believe him. I feel this love that he’s telling me he feels. I feel honored, and special, and seen, and wanted. He’s barely keeping himself in check…I drive him to the edge of reason. And that knowledge, that surety, is the undoing of any logical thought I could apply. The want to swim in the ocean of unbridled feelings is a siren’s call, and I let my body take over. I surrender to this feeling that Kendallhas offered me a way to have it all—him and Oxford and my dreams, all packaged into a tall man with blonde hair that I want to sink my hands into, who undoes me physically. I can picture myself in a stylish flat on Oxford’s sprawling campus, a movie night curled up against this Kendall. A movie night that leads to bedtime with zero pajamas. A real, adult relationship. A foundation for a future. “This is insane,” I murmur as he pulls back again.

“Is that a yes, Helena?”

“It’s a maybe. Now, kiss me again before I change my mind,” I growl at him. He doesn’t hesitate. I moan against him, and his hands slide into my robe. I gasp as his hands run up and down my skin, reveling in the contact. Reveling in the fact that for the first time, I welcome it.

“We have to be quiet,” he murmurs against my mouth. “Or we need something to drown out my perfect girl.” He reaches behind me, and I hear the shower door and then the hiss of water.

I look up at him with wide eyes. I’ve never done anything like this before, and the newness seems a little scary.

He pauses, hands rubbing my hips under my robe. “Is this okay?”

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