Page 89 of Hook Up

I plop down onto the outdoor lounger, smiling when Ryder drops his head into my lap.

My husband snuggles closer, pressing a kiss to my stomach. “You make all this worth it, Gigi. This whole crazy ride. Losing my sight. My career. I’d have given up if it weren’t for you.”

“I wasn’t about to let you.”

“I have to face facts, though. This might be it for me. As good as it gets. Do you really want a blind guy long-term?”

“No, I don’t want some random blind guy. I want you.” Leaning over, I steal a kiss, earning a small smile. “But you will regain your sight. Do you think you’ll race again?”

My question is two-fold. I need him to stay positive and I’m also desperate to know his plans when—not if—he regains his vision.

“Screw racing. I don’t care if I ever race again. Would you be okay being married to aformerF1 racer?”

“As long as he’s you. I just want you safe and happy, Ryder. That’s all that matters.” What I don’t mention is the relief flooding my body at his decision to leave the world of racing. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve stared at the trophies lining his shelves, the photos of his many podium finishes, and his talent is legendary. I’ll forever be proud of him and what he accomplished in thirty years.

I know his fans want him back. He’s a hero in the world of F1 racing, but I see his future through a different lens.

I almost lost him.

There’s no way I could go through that agony and uncertainty again.

And again.

“All that matters is me being able to see something. Anything. Your beautiful face. Our baby’s smile.”

I hold my breath at his words, certain he can feel my heart racing. This wasn’t the way I planned to break the news, but it’s a good segue. “Our baby?”

“Not that there will be any children now. Not with my condition.”

The bottom of my world falls out with his words. “You’ve always wanted kids, Ryder. I think we’d have beautiful children.”

A harsh bark of laughter sounds from his chest. “Kids I can’t see. I couldn’t do that to them, or to you. It’s bad enough you’re saddled with me, but a child, too? That’s a dream for another lifetime.” He squeezes my arm, his beautiful blue eyes staring off into space. “Looks like it’s just you and me for the long haul.”

Willing the tears away, I take slow and measured breaths. It’s easy to understand his stance—his world has been turned upside down and there might not be an easy fix. Hell, there might not beanyfix for his vision. I get it. He doesn’t want to be a burden, and that’s all he feels like since the accident.

How do you tell someone they’re the light in your darkness when their world is literally without light?

“I hope you’ll change your mind one day, because I want children with you.”

“I love kids, Gigi, but that’s one path we can’t traverse. I need you to understand.”

My answer is most definitely no, but I let the situation lie. Ryder is already on edge about his future, the trepidation coursing through him like blood in his veins. Pulsing with its own life.

Pulsing like the life in my belly.

The life he doesn’t want.

The child he no longer desires.

What will happen when he learns the truth? Will he change his mind or push me away again?

Chapter 15

Ryder

Six weeks. It’s been forty-five days since the world went dark around me. Losing my sight was something I never considered. Sure, I read stories about people suffering from glaucoma or cataracts, but they were older. I’m in my prime.

My entire world hangs in the balance, dependent on these needles they’re now injecting into my eyeballs.

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