Page 128 of Rugger: The Huntress

The feelings he wanted me to refrain from leading with were front and center of my current situation. My heart was no longer in my hands. It was in the hands of a man he’d never met, conversed with or approved.

And, now that my feelings were caught up, I hardly gave a damn if he approved of my choice or not. It was far too late. I was far too deep.

“Have I taught you nothing?”

His chastisement stung a little bit more than usual. My shoulders curled inward. Worry lines creased my forehead.

“Why have you been avoiding me?” He asked.

Neither of us moved. My back was still toward him, but I could feel the daggers he stared into me.

“I’ve been occupied,” I responded, honestly.

Lying to Teddy was not only against the rules, but it was against my code of ethics. My heart wouldn’t allow it. Neither would my head. He’d been far too much to me. He deserved honesty and it was all I’d ever have for him.

“I don’t care about Hermen, Rugger.”

“Neither do I.”

Not anymore.

“Then don’t let me dial your number another time and you not pick up. The visit won’t be as smooth as this one.”

“You call this smooth?” I scoffed.

“I do.”

“Wel–”

“Your feelings, baby, you’re deep in them. They serve little relevance right now. There’s absolutely no reason for you to be in your chest at the moment. Unless there’s something you aren’t telling me. Is there?”

Silently, I turned to face Chemistry. He was immaculate, dressed in a black suit with his hands in front of him, joined as he twiddled his thumbs.

A boss.

A father.

A leader.

A man.

I missed his handsome face, his tough love, and his instant wisdom. His protection allowed me to roam the streets of Clarke without fearing my incarceration or death. Chemistry was everywhere and nowhere simultaneously.

He reminded me so much ofhim. Staring back at my brother, the head of our family’s organization, an epiphany was birthed. He was the reason my attraction to Sonnie was so strong. He was the reason Sonnie felt so familiar.

They were the same, yet strikingly different at once. It had been said that a father was a girl’s first love and every love after would model him in some way.

Chemistry was my first love. I clung to him as if he’d gone half with my mother on a child. But, he hadn’t. He’d only been part of the postpartum process and every day that followed.

The qualities I admired in him were the same ones that had me falling head first for Psalms. Along with my father, Chemistry demonstrated the role of a true leader and lover. Though I imagined I wasn’t, I was paying close attention. Unknowingly, I’d created the ideal partner in my head and Sonnie checked every box.

“You told me to dead a situation that was important to me.”

“And, I’ll tell you again if I need to. I have your best interest at heart. Have you forgotten?”

“I haven’t.”

“Then, tell me how you ended up at Rather’s, suited up and ready to work.”

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