Page 123 of Rugger: The Huntress

Lord, what have I done to deserve such grace?I questioned the Man above. His favor was upon me. Rugger helped me understand the concept better than I ever had. Until she came into my life I doubted His favor existed, for me at least.

“A penny for your thoughts.”

Gazelle’s rasp reeled me back into the moment.

Our moment.

Her moment.

A moment I wanted to last an eternity.

I cleared my throat, but was still unable to conjure the words that would accurately describe my thoughts. My feelings.

I’m in love.

“Sonnie–”

She propped her head up on her palm. Her elbow pressed into the mattress beneath us.

“Yes?”

“You play?”

Her head tilted, signaling toward the saxophone in the corner, near the fireplace.

“Sometimes,” I admitted, “When my head is foggy and my thoughts are jumbled.”

“Like now?”

I nodded.

With one slow, dramatic movement, the cover was pushed from her frame. Her nakedness summoned my attention. I watched as she slid from the bed and stood tall on the wood floor next to it.

She sauntered toward the other side of the room. Her fingers rounded the saxophone as she bent over, removing it from the resting spot next to the fireplace. When she returned to the bed, she placed it in my hands. She laid down and pulled the covers over her body again.

With her head in her palm, she admitted, “My head is foggy and my thoughts are jumbled. My heart is heavy and my chest hurts at the sound of your voice.

“I’m confused, yet there’s more clarity in the moments we’re alone than I’ve ever experienced in life. I’m falling and I’m fighting at the same time. And, for the first time in my life, I am afraid of something other than losing a sibling or parent to the government or the grave.

“I’m scared that everything could go overwhelmingly right and unfathomably wrong. I’m terrified of stepping into myfemininity fully, wholly, and trusting you completely— yet, I am ready to. It’s almost as if my head and heart aren’t leaving me much of a choice.

“I’m a mess, Sonnie. But, I’m your mess, now. So, play for me. Play for me until it all feels better. Until I feel better.”

The sincerity in her tone led the saxophone to my lips. I pushed out slowly, releasing the first note. 6lack was the very first artist to cross my mind. Words began playing in my head as the tune played through my instrument.

I’ma write you my best song…

It’s gone take me all night long.

I was up late by myself.

I weaved my head to the melody. The hairs on my arms and neck stood.

I ain’t never need no help.

I will love you when you’re old…

And you lose the words you spoke.

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