Page 165 of Rugger: The Huntress

I turned to face her.

Oh, how far we’ve come. It had taken Rugger so long to get to the point of loving me out loud, but since we were here, I planned to enjoy every second of her affection.

“I love you more.”

Warm water cascaded down my head and shoulders. My palms were pressed against the shower wall and my feet were planted firmly on the floor.

Thank you, Lord, for bringing me back to her. Rugger needs me now more than she ever has. Lord, I ask that you heal every part of her that my absence has broken. Bring us closer as we prepare to bring a new life into this world.

As we navigate new territory, please don’t let us lose sight of ourselves or each other. Help us mature in love and in parenthood, simultaneously. Help me be the best version of myself that I can be so that I can make it easier for Rugger to be the best version of herself.

Give me her burdens, Lord. I want to carry them. It’s my duty to carry them and to carry her. I want to make her life simpler, softer, easier, and less complicated. You’re the only person who can help me do that, so I am counting on you, Lord. I love you and I need you. Amen.

I opened my eyes, but my head still hung and my feet were still planted on the shower floor. A gush of wind sent a chill up my spine, but the warm hands that surrounded me a short second later put my worries to rest.

“Showering without me,” Gazelle whined, “Not fair.”

“You were sleeping and I didn’t want to wake you,” I explained.

“And, I didn’t want to sleep without you,” she told me.

I understood exactly where she was coming from.

“It’s been enough nights of sleeping alone.”

Yeah. She was absolutely right.

“What’s on your mind? You’ve been quieter… more reserved this evening. Tell me what’s going on in that head of yours.”

I exhaled with a smile. Rugger was observant. There was hardly anything I could get past her if there was even a slight shift in normalcy.

“Not much is wrong, baby. Almost everything is exactly where it needs to be for once in my life. I am just focused on building my strength for Psalem’s birth.”

“You’re getting better.”

“Yeah. I am.”

“But that’s not what’s haunting you tonight, so don’t try to pacify me. Tell me what’s wrong.”

I shook my head. She was insufferable, but she was mine. That’s all that mattered.

“My father–” I cleared my throat. “I’ve been thinking about my father.”

“I went to see him when it all happened.”

“You told him?”

“Yes.”

“Which means he still thinks I’m–”

“Yes.”

My heart hurt at the thought of how he must’ve felt. How he must still feel. And, how he’d be feeling until someone reached out to let him know that I was alive.

“Is he the barrier?”

Her question caught me off guard. I didn’t understand it or it’s context.

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