Page 162 of Rugger: The Huntress

Thoughts mounted, producing a slow, thunderous throb on the side of my head. I rubbed my temple as I sifted through the pile of emotions to find the one to best describe what I was feeling. Minutes later, and no words had surfaced — no progress had been made.

“Say something, Gazelle.”

Sonnie was only a few inches away from me. He was wearing his heart on his sleeve. The contorting of his face revealed the pain in his heart.

“I don’t know what to say,” I revealed, lowering my head into my hands. “One minute, I’m madly in love with a man who has brought me nothing but happiness since he entered my world. Next, we’re enjoying a prolonged vacation as we get to know each other better and fall even deeper.

“Then, I’m reading a proposal from hundreds of feet away. Suddenly, his life is claimed before my very eyes and I am torn apart. Weeks after his death, I discover my pregnancy and I’m forced to decide on my child’s life or his death because his father isn’t here to help me raise him. Ultimately, I decide that my child deserves a chance at life.”

“And, for six and a half months I mourn his father’s existence, the fact that he’ll never have a chance to meet him, and that I’ve chosen to be a single mother, willingly. Just when I begin to feel some level of peace with the decisions I’ve made and the way life has played out, you appear.”

I drew in a deep breath and released it almost immediately.

“Sonnie, I don’t know what to say.”

“How do you feel?”

“Like my world just began again.”

He lifted his head, exposing the twinkle in his eyes.

“Because it has.”

“I thought I’d never see your face again. I thought I’d never hear your voice. That crushed me.”

“While you were fighting to get through the grief that was because of me, I was fighting to get back to you. So much of me died that night, but thoughts of you keep my heart pumping and my battle worthwhile.”

“There wasn’t no fucking way I was going to let you live life without me. That wasn’t the way this whole thing was designed. And, I’d toss in my grave every fucking day if I let you down. I just– I needed time. My body needed time. But, I am here and I am not going anywhere.”

He scooted the chair up closer to me.

“Nowhere. Wherever you are, that’s where I’ll be. Thank you, Gazelle, for choosing our son’s life over death.”

I’d missed him.

I’d missed his comfort.

I’d missed his security.

I’d missed his stability.

I’d missed his generosity.

I’d missed his selflessness.

I’d missed his gentleness.

I’d missed his protection.

I’d missed his peace.

“Did you mean it?” I questioned.

“Did I mean what, baby?”

“The paper– did you mean it?”

He nodded, and confirmed. “Yes. I did. In case it all went south and I didn’t make it back to you, I wanted to know you’d choose me as I’d chosen you.

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