Page 150 of Rugger: The Huntress

“And an 18-wheeler ain’t got shit on that motherfucker,” Roulette scoffed.

“Talk about it,” Royce sighed. “How are you feeling?”

“Empty.” I paused, taking a seat in the empty chair. “Gutted.”

There were nods from every woman around me.

“Well, Roaman is whipping up something for you to fill your tummy. We’re all worried about you. We hope you don’t mind the company,” Royce explained, “We invited ourselves in.”

I couldn’t complain. On nights when the pain was unbearable, I’d invited myself into their homes. My mother’s home had seen the worst of me. I wept on her pillow like a baby in need of a bottle. My solitude was the most precious asset during this time, but there were moments when I simply needed my support system.

I learned rather quickly that I was never too old or too prideful to be held in their arms or sleep in their beds. They welcomed me even though it was only a few hours before I was in the wind again.

“Even if you do mind, we’re–”

“Roulette,” Rome blurted, “Please.”

“Girl, raise your voice at me again and watch I take off this belt and bend your ass over.”

Laughter erupted, healing a small piece of me at once.

“Leave her alone, Roulette. My trigger finger is itching.”

“You’re fucked up right now, babes. You couldn’t shoot a mailbox if that motherfucker was in front of you right now. Sit this one out.”

My body rattled from her response. Though her claims were false, I was indeed in shambles.

“Keep messing with her and find out if my aim is as fucked up as me.”

“Hey. Hey. Can we get along for one night?” Roaman asked, sitting the first plate on the counter.

It was mine. Silently, I warned my entire digestive system to keep everything I consumed down until we were alone again.

Roasted corn, baked beans, and medium-well steak made the perfect effortless meal. Dinnerware tapped against plates as chatter lessened. The girls had a long flight. Their bellies were empty and their appetites were aggressive.

“Teddy sent you?”

I broke the silence as I sipped from the glass of water in front of me. Range was the first to nod her head. The rest of the crew followed.

“I’m not ready,” I admitted.

“When will you be ready?” Royce asked.

“I don’t know. When it hurts less. When it’s easier to leave his bed. When his scent no longer lingers on his sheets. When his home doesn’t bring me closer to him anymore. I don’t fucking know.”

“You don’t have to know this minute, Rugs. He just wants to keep you safe,” Rome explained. “So do we.”

“Then tell me,” I begged, “Will anything happen to me, Rome?”

If no one else in the world knew, she would. She was the only one who knew the fate of others before it was exposed.

“Hm?”

She shook her head. “No.”

“Then, I stay. I stay until I feel better. Until I can fathom leaving this all behind. Leaving him behind. I’m not ready.”

“We understand,” Range said to me. “We understand, Rugger.”

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