Page 149 of Rugger: The Huntress

Images of Sonnie coaxed my spirit, calmed my raging heart. I missed him every day. Every hour. Every second.

The person who had been designed for me being taken away was the cruelest, sickest joke God could ever play on me. I no longer wanted to participate in his games. They were lethal and they were disheartening. I’d never piece myself back together. Between Sonnie and Richie, recovery wasn’t optional.

Pipa waltzed into the office with a smile on her. Before she opened her mouth, I knew my fate. I sighed as I waited for the words to confirm what I’d been knowing for almost two weeks now.

4:23p

Sunshine peered through the glass windows, waking me from a deep slumber. The days seemed few and far apart and pointless and never ending. Staring at the empty space beside me sent a painful chill up my spine.

Sonnie, baby.

His absence was gutting. I missed him from sun up until the sun set. Through the night and during the wee hours. In the early morning before the sun peaked and every second in between.

We needed you.

I placed a hand on my stomach. Eight weeks to the day, I’d been impregnated according to the in depth analysis of my womb, the growing fetus, and the intensity of my symptoms.

I buried my head into the pillow where he slept. His scent lingered. And, for a moment, I pretended he hadn’t left me in this cold world with his growing child in my belly, but he’d gone to complete an assignment. At any minute, he’d be walking through the door to hold me and kiss me goodnight.

It was the furthest from the truth, but for a moment, it soothed the aches. I inhaled, taking in his unique aroma. Closing my eyes, I revisited our last time in the bed. He laid beside me with wide, curious eyes as he revealed his plans for us. Plans that included marriage, home ownership, a marksmen academy, children, and a retreat on a private island much like St. Catana.

I couldn’t break his heart and confess my truth in the moment, so I let him ramble. Children were only a figment of my imagination and I didn’t imagine having them. Not now and not ever. However, Psalms had spoken life into my womb long before the results were read to me at the doctor’s office.

He’d prayed for the life he wanted with me and had begun working toward it. His demise was a shame, because it was beginning to happen for us. For me. Starting with our child.

It’s a miracle, Sonnie.

I sprang to my feet as the pan-seared chicken and broccolini threatened to soil the sheets. It was at that very moment I realized I wasn’t alone. Chatter from downstairs became apparent and so did the smell of freshly seasoned meat.

My knees met the cool, tiled floor. The bathroom began to spin. My head began to throb and suddenly I felt unwell.

“Urrrrgh.”

I emptied the contents of my stomach into the toilet at an alarming rate. My body heaved with each attempt to release more. However, there was nothing left to give after several mouthfuls.

I made it to my feet and then to the sink. I slathered paste on the toothbrush and began drawing circles on the skin of my teeth. The gagging from the taste of the toothpaste was the final straw. I spat it into the sink after only a single pass over my entire mouth.

Pathetic.

I rinsed and pulled the black robe I’d been gifted over my shoulders. The panties and cropped tee weren’t enough to keep me warm. Though I loved the blissful cold, tonight I had no intention of enjoying it. I wanted shelter. Comfort. Warmth. Security.

I made the mistake of peering in the mirror. My reflection was frightening. There wasn’t a strand of hair on my head in place. My eyes were swollen. My lips were twice their size from consuming so many tears over the last two weeks. My face was puffy. And, my nose was red. Everything was tender to the touch.

They’ll all die. Slow, miserable deaths.

When my storm passed. They wouldn’t be able to experience sunshine again. It would rain bodies until their entire lineage was discontinued.

I promise, Sonnie.

I descended the stairs, sauntered down the hallway, and made it into the kitchen where the women who shared my blood lined the island. Drinks were in rotation. I hadn’t invited a single soul to Sonnie’s home, but they’d invited themselves. For now, that was alright with me.

“Sleeping beauty is awake–” Roaman called out.

There was cheer all around me, forcing a smile to curve my lips upward.

“There’s hardly anything beautiful about me right now. I look like I’ve been hit by an 18-wheeler.”

“Even worse,” Range added, “You’ve been hit by life.”

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