Page 148 of A Night with Damien Spur

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That evening, as they lay in bed sharing a chocolate egg and drinking peppermint tea, Frances turned to him and said, ‘I love you.’

Oh no, said the Voice.

‘Frances,’ said Damien, ‘we need to talk. You’re such a gorgeous person. I’m really fond of you… but it’s not going to work.’

Her face drained, chalky white.

‘I don’t understand?’

He looked away.

‘Look at me,’ she said, prodding his chest. ‘I’m practically living with you! And now, in bed, you tell me it’s not going to work?’

He hated himself. A damaged man. Why couldn’t he love this sweet, intelligent woman?

‘I want to go home,’ she said.

‘I’m sorry, Frances, but I can’t lie to you.’

Well done, said the Voice.There’s no point in beating about the bush.

***

Elizabeth was no ordinary shoplifter. She’d been caught in Alberto Firenze with a silk dress hidden inside her Hermès bag.

It gave the manageress a thrill to take her down a peg or two. The haughty perfumer had always been rude to the staff.

“Get me this, get me that,” she’d said. Never a please or thank you, leaving the garments on the floor for the assistants to pick up.

And now, finally, Lady Elizabeth Maitland was to be hauled over the coals. A hot potato who would soon be the talk of the gossip columns.

It wasn’t going to be easy to keep it under wraps. She would have to call in some favours.

Maybe the newspaper editor she’d bumped into at a naughty party in Halkin Street could help her? The one who was up and at it with two gorgeous Russkies in the middle of the sitting room, while his wife Olivia, whom she knew, was stuck in the country.

Elizabeth, who was astride the Polish ambassador, waved at him.

‘Hello, Ronald!’ she said. ‘Good to see you. Isn’t this fun?’

Maybe he could keep the paparazzi off her back.

She went down to the station and asked to phone her solicitor. Who didn’t pick up.

So she called Damien.

‘Elizabeth, why are you ringing?’ he said. ‘I told you to leave me alone.’

‘I’m in a terrible fix and you’re the only person I could talk to. Seeing as you’ve had your dramas, I knew you would understand. Please help me.’

‘What have you done?’

‘I’ve been arrested for shoplifting.’

‘Where are you?’

‘Shepherd’s Bush police station. Chelsea is closed. Will you come and help me?’

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