Page 113 of A Night with Damien Spur

You show ’em, the Voice said.

‘Glad you’re here,’ he muttered.

‘What did you say?’ Justin said.

‘Nothing much, just talking to myself.’

The sommelier arrived.

‘No wine, just tap water for me,’ Damien said.

‘Well, I’ll be drinking for both of us, then,’ said Justin. ‘A glass of Dom Perignon, please.’

He smiled at Damien and opened his arms as if he were about to hug him.

‘I’m so glad you’re back on form again,’ he said, ‘but I have to admit your bullish behaviour at our wedding was terrific entertainment… I also want to say… and I really mean this…’ he grabbed Damien’s arm and looked into his eyes with shining sincerity, ‘… it was so nice of you to introduce me to my wonderful Anna. Thank you.’

‘Why?’ Damien said.

‘Why what?’ Justin replied.

‘Why did you use the wordnice?’

‘Why not?’ Justin said.

‘Because nice is a dull middle-class word that I find really offensive.’ He winced and pressed his forehead with the back of his palm as if he were in extreme pain. ‘It’s a terrible word.’

Damien, what’s wrong with you? He was only being nice. Why can’t you be nice?said the Voice.

‘Sorry, Justin. It’s one of my pet hates. Words can drive me crazy.’

‘You’re a very difficult man,’ Justin said quietly. ‘Always picking away at other people’s grammar. Any tiny word that doesn’t match up to your high literary vocabulary you consider an insult.’

Let it go, Damien,said the Voice.Okay. Now follow up with something friendly.

‘Do you believe there’s no free will, Justin?’

That’s it, Damien. Change the subject to something wanky and meaningful, said the Voice.Not a good idea for Justin to get really rumbled and walk out.

The waiter arrived with a plate of oysters and lobster bisque in a silver tureen.

‘Look at those beauties.’ Justin sighed. He picked up a shell and slurped down the oyster, chewing it twice before he swallowed it.

‘Well?’ Damien asked. ‘What do you think?’

‘No free will? You mean someone up there charting the moves?’

‘Destiny, karma, kismet. Checkmate before the game’s started. Winners and losers already decided.’

‘It’s not a question I can answer right now.’ Justin swallowed his last oyster.

Damien took a spoon of soup.

‘Good?’ Justin asked.

‘Good,’ Damien replied. He ate rapidly. ‘Mmmm, I didn’t realise how hungry I was.’ He took a slice of bread and dipped it in the bowl.

Justin looked at his friend and for a fleeting second saw the young student that he’d shared a flat with at Oxford. He remembered him eating a whole loaf of bread with cream oftomato soup. Full of hope and besotted with Laura.

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