Page 98 of Unforgivable

“I’m not lying!”

“There’s a difference between really not knowing the answer and not being willing to admit it. Tell me what you’re scared of, Rhys.”

A frustrated noise escaped me and I moved toward the living room, but Cal followed close behind. “Why are you pressing this?”

“Because we can’t get past it unless you’re honest with me, so let’s have it. Were you scared of how you felt about me? Did you not think you loved me?” Cal asked.

“What? No! It took me a little bit to accept it, but IknowI love you.”

“Then was it me? Are you scared of what I said?”

“That’d be completely ridiculous seeing as I love you back…”

“But it doesn’t mean it’s not true. So is that what it was? Rhys, come on, stop hiding from me,” Cal pleaded.

“Yes, it was you!” I snapped. Cal’s face fell for a second, but his expression schooled quickly into something like resignation. But his eyes were the problem. They were too soft, too understanding, too…full of love. It was wringing me of all the fears I didn’t want to say.

“God, do you…do you even know what it means to love me? Truly? I like to pretend I have my life together, but I don’t. Do you understand what you’d be signing up for? I’m an anxious perfectionist, I can be judgey and prickly, I ramble way too much, I sometimes go off on tangents that make no sense to people, I suck at letting others in because it’s easier to wallow in my problems alone, I’m super weird and obsessive about a lot of things, and I get sucked into things I’m doing tothe point I tune out the world for hours. I have a lifetime of scars that never fully healed and that means I overthink things and second guess my decisions, and I get scared as hell about way more than I let on! I am a straight upmessof a human, and you deserve someone who isn’t a neurotic ball of problems after everything you’ve been through. How can you love me like you do knowing…how flawed and damaged I am?” My voice cracked and splintered on my last words, as though it sapped me of all strength to admit. That’s definitely what it felt like.

Cal took a few slow steps toward me, hands out and palms open as though approaching a wounded animal, but his eyes pinned me in place. “You just listed some of the things I love most about you. The fact that you hate them makes me love them even more. I like that you’re messy, chaotic, and flawed like me. I enjoy your rambling and strange obsessions, and I like working hard to be the one you let in. These issues you think you have are only a part of who you are, Rhys, but I’ll still love them for you until you can love them yourself. One day you’ll learn to see what I do.”

My hands shook at my sides, small trembles running through me as his words punctured each of my doubts and fears. “I’m scared…terrified even, that eventually all my issues will become too much. I can’t lose you. I know I can be…a lotto take and I don’t want to drive you away.”

His warm hands slipped up to cup my face, the heat of them contrasting with the cold tears that had slipped out. I leaned into his touch, my eyes fluttering shut from the emotion he dragged out of me.

“Look at me, Sweetness,” Cal coaxed, thumbs sweeping under my lash line until I met his gaze again. “You need to hear me on this, Rhys. I do not need you to be perfect. I didn’t fall for you through a filter. I know who you are. Nothing you do could push me away or make me stop fighting for you. None of your scars could make me love you less.”

A sob caught in my throat sounding strangled and sharp. I couldn’t speak, my throat tight and sore from the deluge of tears that were fighting to break free.

“You think you’re too much, but I can never get enough. I’m the one who is hard to love here, not you, but you never stopped fighting to show me you cared. So even though it scared the hell out of me, I finally accepted what you meant to me and let you in.”

“Do you regret it?” I choked out gruffly.

“Never,” Cal responded instantly. “You’re my saving grace. Youfaced all my demons and smoothed all my jagged edges, even when I gave you every reason to give up on me. You loved me when I was unforgivable. I don’t regret a second of time spent with you. I regret all the seconds I went without you.”

Cal’s lips slanted over mine, erasing the lingering anxieties and whiting out everything around us. His tongue forced its way past my lips, and I groaned at the feel of him taking what he wanted from me. It was his anyway. Every piece of me was. His kiss burned through me, lighting me up until I was sure I could glow.

“I love you, Cal,” I gasped out when we broke for air. My hands gripped his wrists tightly, holding his own in place on my cheeks. I wasn’t ready to break the connection.

“I love you, Sweetness,” Cal smiled. “Now was that so hard to admit? I’m pretty sure I have a few gray hairs now from waiting for you to fess up.”

An unattractive snort of amusement escaped me at his teasing, but it made me ridiculously happy. I liked that he always broke through any awkwardness or embarrassment, never letting it stew too long. “Well what about you? I’ve never known you to go all overboard with the sugary sweet words like that. You probably gave me diabetes, you Froot Loop.”

“Excuse you, but most people would kill for the swoony shit I just hit you with. I’m like a walking Nicholas Spark’s novel. I think you’d be a little more grateful, Evans,” Cal tsked, running his hands down to my waist and pulling me closer.

“Considering there’s always someone who dies in his books, you’ve probably just marked me for death. Good job. Really doing great at this boyfriend thing, Hawkins,” I muttered.

“Ouch. You get mean when you’re scared. Here I thought it only made you horny,” Cal smirked, palming my butt roughly. A small moan snuck out of me and my cock twitched against his leg, which only made his smirk widen into a wicked grin. “There it is. That’s the sexy little fear slut I know and love.”

I playfully tried to shove him away, but his grip tightened and I groaned as he started sucking on the delicate skin under my ear. “Cal, wait…dinner…f-food…”

He grunted out an annoyed sound, but released me with one last lick to my sensitive skin. “Ugh, fine. But let’s hurry because I wantdessert soon,” he groused, squeezing one of my buttcheeks firmly before moving around the kitchen island.

“If you’re lucky,” I snarked, winking at him. But I sobered quickly, feeling guilt trickle into our light moment. Cal of course noticed the shift in me, honing in on every microexpression on my face.

“You okay?” he asked, grabbing for my hand.

“Yeah, I just feel bad that I dumped all that emotional baggage on you after what you went through this morning. That was selfish, making it all about me and my issues.” I nibbled at my lip anxiously, but he tugged it free.

---