Page 65 of Unforgivable

My fears were confirmed when Rhys' lips turned down and a frown marred his brow. Ice slid down my back and I braced myself for his rejection.

“Cal, I…that's not what I thought I was walking into today,” he stammered, his cheeks flushing. He looked so sweet and shy with that delicious pink stain and that nervous shake in his voice. My fingers twitched to touch him again, but I held myself in check and tried to correct my obvious mistake.

“No, you're right. I'm sorry, that's…you came to talk and I threw that at you out of nowhere. That's not fair to you,” I admitted.

My response must have thrown him off because he shot me a bewildered expression that had me shifting uncomfortably.

“What's that look for?”

“You're just giving me whiplash. You went from tormenting me to talking to me, from pulling away to wanting to be my friend, and from hating me to now falling for me? I don't know what to do with that. You can be so amazing one day and my worst nightmare the next. How do I know what parts to trust with you?” Rhys asked miserably. That familiar guilt crept up again. The only way through this was with the truth, even if it destroyed any chance I had of winning him over again.

“I wish I could say that the good parts you've seen were the real me, but…it's all been me. Cards on the table, I am an angry, cocky, spiteful asshole. That's who I am, Rhys. The things I've gone through have changed me and left behind a shitty, darker side. But that side is just as much a part of me as the good side you've seen.”

“So what does that mean?” he asked nervously.

“Before you, I didn't give a shit that I was that asshole all the time because I didn't want others to see me any differently. That's why I'm Hawk to everyone in my life but you. It was always easier to keep those two parts of me separate. Hawk was the strong, badass athlete who had a great fucking life, and Cal was just…the fucking broken, abused kid who lost his mom. I didn't want to be him. I fucking hated him. Not until you made it feel safe to be him again. I know you don't trust me, but I only want to be Cal with you. No more whiplash, no more Hawk. Just Cal.” My voice was like sandpaper, vulnerability making it rough.

Rhys dug his teeth into that puffy bottom lip of his, his face drawnin contemplation. “You know, you should just drop a hundred into that swear jar you like so much and call it even. Might want to set up a payment plan and make it easy on yourself,” he teased.

“Shut up,” I chuckled lightly. “Here I am being all serious and open, and you're cracking jokes. Way to stay classy, Sweetness.”

His soft laugh was like velvet, drifting across my skin and making me crave to hear it more. He had no idea how fast I was truly falling. There was no stopping it.

“Sorry, I couldn't resist,” he smirked at me shyly. “Okay, look…I need some answers first before I make any decisions.”

“I can do that. Want to sit down for this though?” He nodded and I led us over to my couch. I couldn't help the jolt of happiness when Rhys sat right next to me, leaving only inches between us. I chose to see it as a good sign.

“I don't even know where to start,” he mumbled. Before I could interrupt, his gaze snapped to mine and he shot me a concerned look. “Cal, why did you confess to your coach? Why did you give up being captain like that?”

I blew out a big breath and picked at the skin around my nails. “Because it was the right thing to do. More than that though, it was what you said about me being a coward. You were right. I've been tucking tail and running from shit between us since we met, and all I could think was how disappointed my mom would have been with me. And the more I thought about it, the more sick I was that I ever laid hands on you and harassed you like I did. Jesus, I couldn't stomach the fact that I—”A disturbing truth hit me like a punch to the gut and it nearly stole my breath. “I had become just like my aunt. Shit, I treated you no better than she treated me.”

“Cal, you are nothing like your aunt!” Rhys vehemently argued. “She is a sadistic, cruel woman who hurt a child. Yes, you started out pretty bad for a while there, but that's not really you. She's never felt remorse like you have. Everyone has a dark side to them, but you're more than that. You're a good person. I've always seen it. You two are not the same.”

I blinked back bitter tears, his sweet assurances barely stemming the self-loathing flooding my veins. Possibly sensing my discomfort, Rhys laid his hand on my arm and moved past my shameful admission. “What were the other consequences you got?”

“I actually got off pretty easy considering,” I chuckled mirthlessly. “I'm obviously no longer captain, but I'm also suspended for the first four games of the season. Coach could have canned my ass, but he said that coming to him showed real character and he wanted to give me a chance to be better. I promised him I would.”

“I'm really proud of you,” Rhys whispered, a hint of a smile on his face. I soaked up his praise like a man dying of thirst. Something about Rhys being proud of me made me feel more worthy than any game I had won or awards I had achieved.

“What will happen with school now that…” he paused, eying me warily.

“Now that I lost my scholarship?” I finished for him. He nodded slowly. “My uncle ended up paying off the rest of my tuition. I'm feeling a lot of ways about it, but at least I get to stay at UT. That was partially why I was such a shit at the party to you. I panicked, thinking he'd let me down like he has before and I just lost it. You actually had the worst timing and called me right after I got into it with him and yeah…you know how that went.”

“Ah yes, memories resurface…your nasty side could give Cersei Lannister a run for her money,” Rhys said sarcastically.

“Is that the brother-fucker onGame of Thrones?”

“To put it bluntly, yep. That'd be her,” Rhys snorted.

“You're comparing me to a crazy lady who fucked her brother and almost destroyed an entire kingdom? What a glowing recommendation, truly. Thanks so much for that, Evans,” I deadpanned, causing Rhys to laugh at me again. Fuck, I loved the sound of it so much, but even more that I brought it out of him.

“Weirdly enough, I could have said worse. I could have compared you to Ramsay Bolton, and that dude cut off someone's penis and flayed people alive. You want to be a penis-flayer instead? Pick your poison, Hawkins.” Rhys sassing me had a smile spreading across my face, and he answered it with one of his own.

“Oh my god, what the fuck kind of show is this? We've got to look into your TV-viewing habits, Sweetness. I'm getting really concerned now…” I teased, and Rhys shoved me in the shoulder playfully.

“Shut up, that show is amazing! You just have no taste,” he retorted, rolling his eyes at me. Seeing that made my palm twitch and I had the insane urge to put him over my knee and spank his pert ass red.

Jesus, you need to calm all fifty shades of your shit down, Hawk. Damn.

---