Page 64 of Unforgivable

Cal sent me his address and I sent him a thumbs up in response. Ididn't know what would come of tomorrow, but the most I was prepared to give him was a shot at my friendship. No matter how hard he might try, I'd never feel safe again giving my heart over to him.

Even if every fiber of my being begged me to hand it over, every bruised and battered piece of it.

18

CALLUM

My nerves had reached Defcon 2 levels as I waited for Rhys to show up to my place on Friday. All week I had been on edge and anxious after delivering those notes to him, feeling raw like an exposed nerve. I thought over what he had said in the boathouse about seeing the real me and that night his comment had sent me over the edge. It was an unwanted reminder that Rhys had slipped past all my defenses and didn't shrink away from the broken, jagged parts he saw. He saw the image I projected to the world and he hated it. Instead, he preferred all the sides of a Callum I thought died a long time ago, neglected and starved to the point of extinction.

Rhys brought that Callum back to life. It gave me the idea that he deserved to be given all the pieces I still kept from him. So I cut myself open and bled on those pages, hoping it would prove to him that I wasn't going to run away from sharing all of me anymore. I had even more to tell him if he'd let me back in. It was still uncomfortable and a little terrifying to be that unguarded with anyone after hiding for so long, but my mom didn't raise a fucking coward. I could be brave for Rhys…and for myself.

At fifteen past 10am, I was practically crawling out of my skin. Had he changed his mind? Was he not coming after all? Had the gestures not been enough to earn me just five minutes of his time?

Oh for the love of fuck, get a grip already, Hawkins. He's going to think you're on drugs if you keep being all twitchy like this, you manic fucker.

Just as I gave myself a mental kick in the ass, I heard a knock on the door. I nearly tripped over the coffee table in my rush to open it, and I chastised myself for being an overeager jackass. Seriously, when was the last time I was this unhinged and uncoordinated? If my friends saw this pathetic display, they'd laugh until their lungs shriveled up.

Shaking it off, I opened the door and it was as though I could breathe again for the first time in days. I didn't realize just how much I missed his presence until he was standing right in front of me, his coconut scent as comforting as ever. With an immense strength of will, I held myself back from hugging him and that alone weirded me out. I wasn't a hugger. I'd hugged my mom as a kid, but people holding me like that made me antsy and claustrophobic. However Rhys' arms around me didn't feel like a cage, but more like a weighted blanket. Warm, soothing and reminding me of home.

God, I am fucked, aren't I? Awesome. That's just great.

“Hey,” I choked out. He just gave me a tight, small smile and it pinched my chest. The air between us was thick with unease, and I worried this wasn't going to end how I hoped. “Wanna come in?”

Rhys nodded and stepped around me into the apartment. As he looked around curiously, taking it all in, I realized that he had never been here before. It made sense considering how much time I spent shoving down any speck of feeling I had for him, only running to him when I needed solace. Goddamn, I was a selfish asshole.

“Uh, can I get you anything? Water, soda, beer? Do you even like beer? You don't really seem like you would, you strike me as more of a wine person. Which is cool! We just don't have any wine, but I can run out and get you some. I mean, that's stupid since you just got here, but I totally would and…fuck, your rambling thing is contagious,” I chuckled nervously, my heart thudding painfully. My pulse was racing like I snorted a line of coke and I tried to calm down, but my breathing only sped up.

Rhys made a move towards me and it only made my breathing more erratic. I didn't know what was wrong with me. Before I could spiral into a panic, Rhys slipped his arms around my waist, holding me to him tightly. His touch was a cattle prod to my senses, lighting up every nerve ending. My breath left me in an audible rush, and I folded myself around hisshoulders, clinging to the comfort he brought. I fucking hated how tears pricked at my eyes, but it felt so fuckinggoodto touch him. It was something I didn't expect I'd ever get from him again. So much for not being a hugger.

We stayed locked together like that for what seemed like hours, but also only seconds. It was all at once too much and not enough. I didn't let go until my breathing had slowed and my mind finally quieted. I cleared my throat and took a step back.

“You looked like you needed that,” Rhys said softly, that violet gaze feeling like a physical caress on my skin.

“I think I did,” I whispered quietly. I shuffled on my feet awkwardly, unsure of what to do now.

“Cal, I think—” Rhys began, but there was something I had to tell him before I lost my nerve altogether.

“Rhys, wait,” I cut him off gently. “I know you'll probably want nothing to do with me after today and only came here to tell me off, but I need to say one last time how truly sorry I am. I want you to know I called Coach and turned myself in this weekend. I told him what I did to you and asked for whatever consequences he thought were fair. I know it's not enough to make up for everything or show you how much I regret hurting you. I just hope you can give me one final chance to make it right with you. Please, Sweetness. I'm the one begging now.”

Rhys stared at me for several seconds, leaving me hanging in the air with my heart in my throat until he put me out of my misery, one way or another.

“You're wrong,” Rhys finally replied, and my stomach dropped. I started to speak, but he raised a hand to hold me off. “You're wrong about me coming here to tell you off and never see you again. I know about your call to your coach because I called him this week too.”

I could feel the blood drain from my face and my brows wrinkled in confusion. My first thought was that he had called Coach to complain about me again, and Rhys must have seen the worry on my features because he rushed to explain.

“I didn't call him for anything bad! I called him to—to take back the original complaint I made,” he finished on a whisper, his eyes barely able to hold contact with mine. “I wasn't ready to forgive you, but I knew I wanted to fix what I had done. You made a mistake that first night, yes, but after I got to know you, it didn't feel right letting that stay on your record. You didn't deserve to have it all screwed upbecause I made a rash decision to turn you in. I should have retracted it weeks ago. I'm so sorry.”

“Rhys, stop,” I hushed him, grabbing his hand without thinking. The heat of his palm sent buzzes of electricity up my arm and from the tiny gasp he let out, I wasn't the only one affected. “You have nothing to be sorry about.Nothing. This was all me from the very beginning. I was too angry to admit it, but you had every right to turn me in. I worked so hard to make captain, but I stopped working to deserve it. As you've clearly seen, I have an issue with my temper sometimes, but I knew better than to let it get out of hand. I tried to justify my actions a dozen times, but the simple fact is I was wrong. It was a dick move and honestly, if it had been someone else to put their hands on you like I did, I'd fucking strangle them myself.”

His breath caught in his throat at my violent admission, but his pupils dilated ever so slightly. “I thought you didn't care at all,” Rhys laughed dryly. I squeezed his hand and held his gaze.

“Turns out you're not the only one who cares too much,” I confessed and his lips tilted up gently at the corners. “The last thing I expected when I started messing with you was to feel anything but hostility. Every time I thought about you or wanted to be around you, I chalked it up to being obsessed with revenge. By the time I realized what it really meant, I was freaking the fuck out and confused as hell that I stopped hating you and started to?—”

Rhys pinned me with an expectant look, waiting for me to continue. “Started to what?” he asked breathlessly. The words were on the tip of my tongue, pushing to the surface and fighting to break free.

“I started to need you,” I replied. “As fucking crazy as it sounds, somewhere along the way you became one of my closest friends and…” I trailed off, biting my lip as I fought with myself to be honest with him about it all. The way Rhys was looking up at me had heat stirring under my skin, waking that hidden need deep within me that called to him. “And I think I started to…fall for you.”

The words escaped me in a quiet rush and it was as though a giant weight had fallen from my shoulders. Rhys' eyes bugged out comically and I would have laughed if my lungs had been functioning properly. They were frozen, unable to take in air while I searched his face for any hint of acceptance, any sign that he might possibly feel the same. His reactions to my touches and his pleas in the boathouse gave me hope,but Rhys had been burned by me several times. I knew my luck only extended so far.

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