Page 57 of Unforgivable

“Cal, I am so sorry. I didn't mean—I never thought…” I stuttered, my thoughts tripping over themselves and making words difficult.

“What, you never thought I'd be punished? Wasn't that the whole damn point?” He snarled, stepping closer with each word. “Teach me a lesson so I'd mend my naughty ways. You always have to be right, don't you? Self-righteous, innocent little Evans trying to put the mean, old jock in his place.”

My throat closed up and I tried to swallow down the bile rising. His anger was scalding and I couldn't bear the thought of him hating me again. We couldn't go back to that.

“No, that's not what it was. I don't care about being right! I care about you,” I exclaimed, wanting him to know how much I wished I could take it back. “I can fix it, just give me a chance.”

He barked out a disbelieving laugh, the sound of it like shards of ice digging into my skin. “You can't fix it. It's done. My only hope for remaining at UT rests with someone I'd rather die than accept help from, and I highly doubt he'll even come through. He never has before. Then again, the same can be said of you, Sweetness,” Cal said venomously, bringing his face close to mine. “Deep down, I really thought that once we were friends, you'd see I wasn't the piece of shit you thought I was that night. I tried to make things up to you and I thought you'd do the same. I believed that somehow you'd be the one person who wouldn't let me down when it counted most.” His voice trembled and I itched to touch him, to bring him comfort as I had before.

“You can count on me,” I whispered, “I promise you can! I really didn't think it would turn out that way. I didn't mean to hurt you…”

In the pale light streaming in, I could just make out the sheen of tears that coated his hypnotic eyes. Those eyes I had been dreaming of more nights than I cared to admit. I felt his misery like an iron grip around my heart. I held my breath as his gaze ran over every inch of my face, as if memorizing each detail.

“But you did,” he breathed, and my heart stopped. “I had one thing left in this world that meant anything to me, and it's gone because of you.” He pushed away from me with a disgusted scoff and it clawed at the open wound inside me created by years of that same sound from others. It killed a piece of me to know that I seemed to sicken him now.

“So that's it?” I ground out as he paced in front of me. “After everything we felt with each other, everything we shared, you're just going to run away from this?”

He whirled on me fast. “What we felt together? You think what we shared was so important? We both lost someone, so what? You seem to think we have this great connection between us, but it meant nothing. It was fucking foolish of me to try to be friends when we never would have crossed paths if you hadn't stuck your nose where it didn't belong. I'm not running away from anything. This,” he gestured between us, “shouldn't have happened.”

“You're wrong,” I snapped. “You're pissed and I get it, I really do. I wish I could take it all back, but that doesn't erase what's between us. You're not even giving me a chance to try to help. I know you were happy with me, that you felt safe. I felt it too! Why would you throw that away because I made one mistake?”

“I was wrong. People like me don't get to be happy or safe. It's not in the cards for me. And you're forgetting this all happened because I madeone mistake.I might have been a fucking sucker to think things would turn out okay, but this goddamn mess you've gotten me into reminded me that it was only temporary,” he huffed out.

I shook my head harshly. “That's bull. You're a coward. There's a part of you that doesn't want to be happy, that doesn't want to feel better, so you're not even fighting. It's easier to sink into the pain because that's all you think you deserve. You're better than this. You think you're too broken, but you're not. I see you, Cal?—”

“Stop trying toseeme!” Cal barked, pushing into my space and freezing the blood in my veins. “There is no good to find in me, and you're fucking fooling yourself if you think there is. I am damaged and you cannot fix me. We can't be friends. You see the world in so much gray, but it's just black and white. There are those who care and those who don't. You care far too much, Sweetness, and I can't be bothered to care at all. You are nothing to me but what I can get from you. All I need are your tears and your cum, but beyond that? I have no use for you. So stop trying to see me as some prince in your story when we both know I am only capable of playing your villain.”

His scathing words left me speechless, drowning in pain so intense it infiltrated my bones. How did I get it so wrong? What happened to the Callum who had shown me all his vulnerabilities and let me into that raw place that housed his hurt? Had I imagined the times he seemed as helpless to the pull between us as I was? It was twisted how he had managed to cut me so deep, yet the only things capable of putting me back together were his strong arms and warm scent. I hated it.

I hated even more that after every bit of poison he poured between us, I didn't hate him at all. I don't think I ever truly did.

“Now if you don't mind, I have better places to be,” he rumbled, turning on his heel and heading for the door.

“Please don't leave like this…” The pathetic words slipped out and I was powerless to stop them. The hurt running through my veins like acid eroded my control. I needed him to stay, to show me there was still a chance to keep him. For a split second, his face fell and I thought I saw a flash of guilt cross his face. But it cleared so quickly, I had to have imagined it. All I was met with was that vindictive mask I despised so much, that Hawk persona he wielded like a weapon.

“If you want to come so badly, do it yourself. But you'll do it tothoughts of me. I wonder how long it'll take for that to wear off,” Cal smirked viciously, smoothing his hair back from his face.

“That's not what I meant and you know it,” I choked out angrily. It was infuriating how badly I wanted to smack that hateful smirk from his face and kiss it off in the same breath.

“I don't really care,” he replied wearily, but then his eyes glinted maliciously. “I'm going to go finish with someone who's actually able to keep my interest up. If you're smart, you'll do the same and stay away from me…Sweetness.”

He strolled out without a second word or glance, leaving me and whatever connection we might have built in the dirt. I was stuck, unable to do anything but try to breathe past the agony filling my lungs. Inside, I was shattered.

I was just as damaged as he claimed to be and there was no fixing me either.

I wasn't sure how much time had passed before I limped out of the boat dock, dragging my dignity behind like a wounded animal. As nasty as he was about it, Cal was right about me not taking the hint. I had ignored the unanswered texts, the heartless words, and his rough handling and somehow I still harbored hope up until he walked out on me. But the message had been received loud and clear now.

I might have been naive and hopeful, but even I recognized when to fold a losing hand. Despite my shameful display tonight, it wasn't in my nature to chase after someone, especially if they didn't want to be caught. If I could leave Connor in my past, I could do the same with Cal.It's not like I don’t have practice with that…I’m practically a freaking expert at this point.

I trudged back up the lawn while trying not to dwell on the events of the last half hour. Thankfully, the deafening noise of the party surrounded me again and helped drown them out. I pushed through the party goers, wanting to escape home so I could fall apart in peace. That turned out to be a pipe dream when I caught sight of Cal hiking up the stairs to the second landing.

I'm going to go finish with someone who's actually able to keep my interest up.

Cal's parting shot down by the lake rang in my head, and I knew what he was going to find up there. After all, it matched his MO from the party where I met him. Images of him dancing with that boy from earlier invaded and I felt sick imagining them upstairs together. I rushed out the door, unable to stomach even a second in that housewhile Callum got off with someone else. I was sure that there was nothing left of my heart to break, but I wasn't about to put it to the test.

Stumbling out onto the gravel driveway, I clumsily pulled out my phone to order an Uber back to the city. As I waited, my brain scrambled for a way to make sense of everything that had transpired.

I thought about how the Cal tonight was nothing like the man who had fought for my friendship and leaned on me in his dark moments. I fought to reconcile what I knew about his past with how he reacted, and I remembered how terrified he was to lose that scholarship that was keeping him at UT.

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