Page 49 of Unforgivable

“I'm scared that I'll forget what my parents looked like one day,” Iwhispered, my throat closing up painfully as I shoved down the emotion threatening to choke me. “I barely remember what they sounded like. My dad's laugh, my mom's singing…I don't really remember it. I'm terrified that eventually my memories will fade so much that not even a picture will help me to remember.”

Cal's embrace was a vice, holding me together as I struggled not to fall apart. My eyes burned and I clamped them shut, willing the tears down since I worried if I let them loose, they'd never stop.

“I'm scared too,” Cal rasped. “It's hard to recall what my mom looked like most days and I have to fight to hear her laugh in my head. But there are certain things I can never forget. No matter how much I try to scrub the image from my head, I vividly remember her empty mattress the day after she died. When Uncle Jack brought me back to my house, mom's bed was stripped down but it still smelled like her. I spent four days lying on her mattress, breathing in as much of her smell as I could, knowing it would disappear eventually. I threw the world's greatest tantrum when Uncle Jack said I had to pack and leave our house because…I didn't want to leave that mattress.”

Cal croaked out the last words and I felt his body start to shake behind me, trembling with quiet sobs. I gripped the arms he had locked around my body as we silently broke together, sinking into our painful pasts and fighting to stay grounded.

As our tears dried, exhaustion replaced the grief and I could hardly keep my eyes open. Cal's breathing evened out, his chest rising and falling steadily against my back in a soothing rhythm that had become a metronome for my own heartbeat. Before drifting off past the point of no return, an odd thought occurred to me and I caught myself releasing it.

“What was your mom's name?” I mumbled, sleep blurring my words almost incoherently. Right before darkness took me, I heard Cal's voice from far away.

“Leana. She would have liked you.”

14

CALLUM

“No! Please don't put me in there! I won't sneak out again, I swear! Please!” I shriek, digging my heels into the carpet. It doesn't help. She's stronger than she looks. I can never get free.

“You said that last time, you little nightmare. You'll just keep doing it until you learn that the house rules are not up for discussion,”Aunt Blair reprimands as she drags me toward the door. That stupid, horrible door. I hate it so much. I'd take off the stupid hinges if I knew how. Her nails are cutting into my arm. It feels like she's tearing into me.

“Almost two years you've been here and you have been nothing but an embarrassment. I will not continue to be humiliated every time you screw up and are brought back to our door. The whole neighborhood saw the cops bring you home! You are a fuck up, Callum, and if I can't even be seen with you in public, then you won't be seen at all.”

With a giant shove, I topple into the dark closet, the tiny cramped space closing in on me like a tomb. I scramble for the light switch I know isn't there and the knob I just heard lock. My chest is being pierced with needles and I can't breathe. Oh no, not again…I have to get out.

“Let me out! Please, I'll be good! Please don't leave me in here!” I scream at the top of my lungs, banging on the door as if I can somehow knock it down this time. It won't work. It never works.

“You deserve this, Callum! You are a useless mistake, just like your mother. You're lucky we even took you in, and you can't manage to be good for two damnminutes!” Aunt Blair yells back, her grating voice muffled through the wood. I feel sick to my stomach and I'm too hot. It's too hot, but I'm shaking. I can't stay in here. It's too much. I-I need air. There's no air in here!

“I'll be g-good, I promise! P-please, Aunt Blair!” Tears are blinding me. I can't see. I'm crying too hard. There's something wrong with me. I'm broken…why can't I just be good? This wouldn't happen if I was good.

“Stop screaming or I'll add two hours to your time! I'll let you out when you've learned your lesson!”

“No! I d-don't want to stay in here! Please, I c-can't breathe! I want my m-mom! MOM!”

Movement jarred me out of the dark and I crashed onto the floor, heart pounding and my shirt drenched in sweat. I looked around wildly, expecting four walls to be encasing me and my aunt's malicious voice cutting through it all. I couldn't focus. I was panting for breath that wasn't coming and that familiar panic started to build again.

“Cal! Cal, look at me. Eyes on me!”

Rhys' worried face came into blurry view as he kneeled in front of me. His voice sounded fuzzy and I couldn't move my arms to reach for him. It was as if I was detached from my body, the only awareness I had was of ice sliding down my spine and the pain behind my ribs as I struggled for a full breath.

“Cal, listen to my voice. Focus on what you can hear. Tell me three things you hear,” Rhys commanded. I fought through the sensations pummeling my body and strained to listen.

“I-I hear…you and-and cars outside. Music…somewhere,” I forced out, sounding stilted to even my own ears.

“Good! Now tell me three things you can feel,” Rhys said firmly.

I homed in on anything I could feel anywhere in my body. Anything that I could concentrate on rather than the panic. “I feel your…carpet. And my sw-sweaty shirt. Your hands…on my face,” I relayed, a little less strained than before. Words were coming easier and the pain in my chest was receding. “Rhys…”

“It's okay, you're doing so good. Now tell me two things you can smell.” His hands were warm and soft on my cheeks, and I wanted to keep them there permanently. I didn't want to lose that blissful warmth, not when I still felt so cold.

“I smell laundry…and something sweet?” I hazarded a guess. I couldn't pinpoint what that sweet scent was, but it was wafting from Rhys. It reminded me of summer. How does he smell like summer?

“Good job, you're almost there. Tell me three things you see,” he said softly.

I glanced around, senses still a bit on overdrive, but I was able to see one thing crystal clear.

“You. I see you,” I breathed, latching onto those violet orbs as if they were the only thing holding me to the earth. They might as well have been. I didn't want to look anywhere else when all I saw was Rhys. That was all I needed.

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