Page 47 of Unforgivable

“Uhh, Rhys? You alive in there?” Cal's voice reached me through the ADHD-fueled scramble in my head.

“Oh! Sorry, did you say something?” I asked, my cheeks hot with embarrassment.

“I was just saying thank you for letting me come over like this,” Cal said softly, that green and blue gaze of his stopping me in my tracks. “I'm sorry about yesterday. I didn't mean to be a dick.”

“It's okay. You don't owe me an apology,” I told him. “So, have you eaten? I was thinking?—”

“It's my mom's birthday today,” Cal blurted out quietly. I froze, thrown off by his admission. I turned to catch his eyes, misery radiating off him.

“Oh…how are you handling it? I'm sure it can't be easy,” I responded softly.

“I typically handle it like shit,” Cal chuckled humorlessly. “The anniversary of her death is always the worst, but her birthday…birthdays were a big deal to her. She always went all out for both of us. Since she died, I haven't wanted to celebrate any of mine, and hers…” he trailed off on a rough whisper. My arms twitched with the desire to hold him, provide comfort however I could, but I held my ground, not wanting to send him running.

“I understand. Special occasions without my parents are still really difficult for me too. Even when I try to celebrate in their honor, it feels like I'm writing over the memories we had together. Replacing them somehow. I hate that now I technically have more memories without them than I had with them…and it hurts,” I shared, my voice thick with emotion. Cal's pitiful gaze met mine again and that urge to go to him escalated.

“That's why I don't like to celebrate it anymore. I tried the year after she died, but it somehow made the pain worse. More acute, I guess. Her birthday is like a magnifying glass on all the ways I miss her, all the birthdays she's missing.” A stray tear escaped his eye and he hurried to brush it away. On instinct, I reached across the island and grabbed his hand.

For a split second I thought he'd reject the comfort I offered, but when his hand tightened warm and firm around mine, heat flooded my body and tingles spread out from where we were connected. He wasn't looking at me anymore, but I was thankful he couldn't see how that small contact affected me, flushing my skin and accelerating my pulse. We stood there in mournful, but comfortable silence for a few minutes before he cleared his throat and released my hand.

“If you trust me, I think I have something that will make you feel a little better,” I said hesitantly. He simply nodded and I got to work in the kitchen. A few minutes later I placed the grilled cheese and bowl of tomato soup in front of him, assessing his confused look.

“Whenever I was upset or sick or just needed a pick-me-up, my mom would always make me grilled cheese and tomato soup,” I explained. “It was one of my favorite things growing up, so when I miss her, I make it for myself. I figured it might help since you're missing your mom today.”

Cal stared down at the food and I worried I had gone too far, crossed that invisible line that said I overstepped and he'd shut down on me.

“Thank you,” Cal said gruffly. I finally took a breath when it was apparent he wasn't upset with me.

While we ate, Cal didn't talk and I held back the myriad ofquestions I wanted to ask him. About his mom, their life together, how he coped with it all…I wanted to know everything.

“Can you tell me about your mom? What was she like?” I asked, figuring I'd roll the dice and try. If I accidentally pissed him off, at least I had lived a good life.

Surprisingly, his lips twitched with the faintest hint of a smile. “She was the best mom ever. She was so much fun to be around, and hilarious in her own way. I remember her jumping from one hobby to the next, constantly wanting to try new things and including me in them. She gave these suffocating bear hugs and had this obsession with 80s music, so it was always playing in our house. And she was crazy smart. She was an engineering major while she was here at UT. My mom was the reason I chose to come here,” Cal shared, the pride for his mom mixing with the grief that permeated the air around us.

“She sounds incredible, Cal,” I murmured, smiling at the obvious adoration in his voice as he spoke about her. “What happened when?—”

Cal gave me an inquisitive look when I halted my question, unsure if I should ask what had come to mind. “What happened when what?”

I swallowed around the tightness in my throat. “What happened when she got pregnant with you? You had mentioned it wasn't great circumstances for her, right?” I flushed, feeling intrusive for asking. Cal chewed on his bottom lip, abusing the flesh there and drawing my attention to it. I actively fought to ignore the flutter in my gut and not think about what that lip would taste like.

“She had an affair with a married guy,” Cal forced out on a quick breath, avoiding my eyes.

Woah. That's a flutter killer if ever there was one…

“Oh, uh…that's…” I was at a loss for what to say because, honestly, what could I say to that? Cal saved me from flailing for a response.

“Yeah, it's…not great. I'm not excusing anything she did, but I don't even know much about it,” he said, discomfort evident in his tone. “She only told me about it about a year before she passed because I kept bugging her for information about my dad. I think she only told me because she was dying.”

My heart hurt for him seeing the despondency etched across his face. It was hard for any child to face the fact that their parents were human and could make mistakes, even terrible ones at times. That truth kills a piece of innocence that can never quite be recovered.

“What all did she tell you about it? Did anyone else know about the…uh, circumstances?” I asked.

“Besides the guy, only my grandparents knew. That's why they didn't want her to keep me. They thought I'd derail her life, especially if it ever got out that I was the product of an affair. Mom told them to shove it,” Cal said, a small smile tugging at his lips. “They pretty much ignored my existence after I was born, and my aunt did too. The only one in my family to accept me besides my mom was Uncle Jack.”

“I remember you saying you were close to your uncle. Why…” I paused, chewing on my words carefully before continuing. “Why did things change with them after your mom passed? If that's okay to ask…”

Cal's jaw visibly clenched and he mindlessly stirred his soup as he spoke. “My mom and Aunt Blair had a bad relationship since they were kids. They never really got along, and the only thing my mom would say is that Blair thought their parents favored mom and were too hard on her, so she kind of blamed mom for that. It just got worse as they got older.”

“But why did your aunt take that out on you? You aren't your mom,” I questioned, my brain trying to make sense of all the new information it was taking in.

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