Page 110 of Unforgivable

“¡Ay juepucha! Your friend has some badass pipes,” Mateo whistled low, his thick eyebrows raising in approval.

“What kind of vocal sorcery was that?” Micah said in astonishment, his face comically shocked. Beside him, Bash only looked concerned for Dawson.

“You think he’s alright?” Nate asked, worry lines set into his forehead. We all chimed in, talking about the merits of going to check on him and leaving him be for a little to cool down or process. Even Aly and Kenji were expressing care about what had upset Dawson and wanting to help, despite not knowing him well. It made me warm inside, thinking of this small, but growing group of people who were quickly becoming so important in my life. I smiled to myself thinking of how easily Cal’s friends were blending with mine, and bringing Mateo and Aly into the mix even seemed like they were always meant to be there.

Despite the obvious issues with Nate and Mateo and the tension between Griffin and Fin, this felt like the safe space I had craved since I was a kid. No matter what strange ways some of us came together, I was grateful for each connection, each friendship at this table. This felt like my second family. That fact was made even more clear when Dawson returned, looking defeated, shaken, and confused.

“Hey D…what do you need from us most right now?” Bash asked, his hand clamping gently on Dawson’s shoulder.

“Whatever you need, we’ll make it happen if we can. We’ve gotyou,” Nate promised, looking more grounded and focused than I’d ever seen him.

“I just…” Dawson started, staring down at the table. “I need my friends. And I need to forget…”

No questions asked, Bash and Cal jumped up and offered to grab shots and refills for the table. Kenji and Griffin started telling a story about a disastrous bus ride back from an away game where half the team got food poisoning at a dinner stop. Griffin’s over-the-top narration of how guys were either farting, puking, or begging to be let off and escape had us all in stitches, Dawson included. Fin offered a hand massage that he swore had magic powers, and by the zen look on Dawson’s face two minutes in, that assessment didn’t seem too far-fetched.

Micah slid into Cal’s vacated seat, putting his arm around me to give me a hug. “What was that for?” I questioned, but happy with the sweet contact.

“I’m just so happy for you, Rhysie,” he said, his smile full of warmth. “I know the year started off rough for you and Cal, but I’m ridiculously glad it turned out the way it did for you guys. It seems like things are really good between you two.” At that, I instinctively glanced at the bar where Cal and Bash were talking, and Cal somehow felt my gaze on him. His eyes caught mine and he beamed at me, my heart skipping at how gorgeous he was.

A grin spread across my face faster than I could blink, and I turned back to my friend, pure joy and contentment rooting themselves in my bones. “Yeah. We’re better than good. It’s more than I could hope for.”

And it really was. I couldn’t believe how amazing things were between us despite what we’d gone through to get to that point. I mean, nothing was ever perfect. Cal and I still had healing to do on our own and together, and now I was down a roommate. Senior year was undeniably going to be a long, tough year before reaching graduation. However, none of that mattered in the end because I had what was most important.

I had Cal. In him, I found my best friend, my soulmate, my future. The villain who brought me my happy ending. He and I knew better than most that nothing was ever set in stone or guaranteed to us, but I had faith we’d make it. Our lives were destined for the same path, short or long, smooth or rough. We’d have each other and that was all that mattered. I remembered what I told Cal so many months ago in thatdive bar when he’d asked if I really believed I could find someone to love me so infinitely.

I always had, but Cal proved to me I wasn’t a fool for believing. I found the person who would never leave me. He saw all the beautiful and ugly parts of me and loved me enough to stay forever. We’d seen death’s handiwork before and it wouldn’t stop us. We’d just find each other in the next life or whatever came after.

34

CALLUM

It still caught me off guard feeling so comfortable in my own skin and happier than I had been in years. Regardless of my bullshit that had nearly thrown us off course, Rhys and I finally made it to a place that felt secure enough to last. A future with him was the one thing I wanted above all else in life. Obviously, we weren’t in any rush considering how young we were, but there was one thing I was impatient as hell for. And Micah’s departure to live with Bash gave me the perfect opening.

“How are you and Rhys doing? You two seem really good together,” Bash asked, and I had to admit I actually really liked the guy. Rhys and I had a few game nights with him and Micah in the last month. Where the Cal from a year ago would have balked at any kind of couple shit like that, I had been surprised by how much I enjoyed it. Micah was pretty damn funny and it felt really good to be a couple around other people, even if it was just his friends.

I couldn’t explain it without it sounding fucking weird, but I liked people seeing how happy we were together. It was as though it strengthened the claim we had on the other, our love displayed proudly for anyone to see.Yep, just as I thought. Weirdness of epic fucking proportions.

“Yeah, we’re doing really fucking great actually. How about you and Micah? How’s it been since he moved in?” I asked. It was also bizarre to me that I actually cared. I spent years not giving a shit aboutanyone else but myself, and now I had this large group of new friends that accepted me without hesitation. And it didn’t feel like they only tolerated me because of Rhys, but like they genuinely wanted my friendship. I couldn’t deny it made me feel really damn good.

“Man, it’s been amazing. I mean, Micah stayed over all the time before, but this is like a different level. I like that we’re part of each other’s daily routine in a way we couldn’t be living separately. And I know this will sound Hallmark as shit, but I also like seeing his stuff in our place. It’s just visual proof that we’re building a life together, I guess.” The contented smile on Bash’s face made me a bit jealous. I wanted that with Rhys. I wanted everything short of a ring on his finger, and eventually I’d even have that.

“Dude, that’s awesome. I’m happy for you,” I said, slapping him on the shoulder. I contemplated whether I should ask him what had been on my mind lately as he ordered the group’s drinks. Once he was done, I steeled myself in case he took offense to my question. “Hey Bash…you mind if I ask you about your th-therapy?”

I flubbed over the word, still at odds with my decision, but Bash only gave me a pensive look before answering. “Not at all. What do you want to know?”

“Did you…fuck, I don’t know how to say it. Did you ever feel…incapable of getting better?” I asked slowly, but rushed to explain when he looked wary. “I mean, did you ever feel like your issues ran too deep or were too big to fix?”

“I still do sometimes,” Bash answered quietly, and over the noise of the bar I almost missed it. “Look, I first thought about therapy after how badly I fucked up with Micah. I knew I needed to get my ass in gear and my shit squared away if I was ever going to earn him back. Part of me even worried I was unworthy of getting better for a while.” My stomach turned as I thought about how much self-loathing had drowned me after what I put Rhys through. There were times I thought the pain of losing him and that inner hatred was what I deserved.

“Did it work though? Did it actually help you?” I chewed my bottom lip, a little nervous about what he’d say.

“It took a bit, but yeah, it really helped. Honestly, the work I was doing in therapy didn’t really start sinking in until I realized I didn’t need therapy for Micah, but for myself. I had to do it for myself becauseI deservedto feel better. I knew I’d never have a chance at thelife I really wanted without getting some help and putting in the work to heal and improve.”

My lungs inflated with a relieved breath. I didn’t understand just how much I needed to hear that my decision to seek out counseling wasn’t a waste, that it had the potential to help me change for the better. Not just for Rhys, but for me.

“Do you think…I could maybe get your therapist’s number?” I murmured, leaning into him so he could hear me. Bash smiled and pulled out his phone, shooting me a text with the information.

“I really hope it helps you too, Hawk. Just remember it’s not a magic pill. It takes hard work and you have tobelieveit can work. You’ll have good days and bad days with it, and it won’t fix everything, but it’s a damn good start,” he said, holding my gaze intently. “And you deserve to get better. Don’t forget that.”

---