Page 85 of Inevitable

He was my future, my One. Just like that, all the normal rules flew out the window.

CHAPTER 30

Bastian

The sounds of laughter and talking filtered through the sliding glass door behind me. I had only been at the party for less than an hour, and I already wanted to head home. I had never been opposed to parties previously, but I felt like a different man than before, and the person I was now found no real enjoyment in the raucous party taking place. I also didn't have my usual partner in crime to enjoy it with.

My days were now lived mostly quiet and alone. I went to my classes, studied in the library, walked around campus, and made small dinners that hardly qualified as food. Cooking had always been something I found joy in, but there was very little of that nowadays.

I had spent the last several weeks reflecting on my choices and the consequences that followed, but therapy had been a big help in recognizing my weak spots and making myself better. I was a hell of a long way from being okay, but I was on the right path. Each time I went to my sessions, I kept Micah first and foremost in my mind. I was doing this for him, for us. It didn't matter if I never laid eyes on him again. He had made me want to be a better man, and I would hold to that for the rest of my life.

I hadn't been able to see my future or much past the next day, but my therapist had said that I should take things one day at a time until I could see beyond it. She said to trust the process, and that's what I was doing. Trust was something I needed to learn to do again, and that seemed like a pretty good first step.

Dawson and Nate had done everything in their power to stop mefrom spiraling and keep me company in the weeks following my break-up with Micah. They were largely successful in the sense that I hadn't done anything harmful to myself like drown my liver beyond repair or get a hideously unflattering haircut, though that was Nate's major concern for me. At least he had his priorities in order.

Micah's things were sent to him in stages, each one worse than the last. Rhys had swung by the first time to grab his absolute necessities, and I cried through the night clutching one of his t-shirts. The second time, I had left a small bag of his things outside his apartment door without a note because I didn't want to cause him more hurt. The last time, I asked Dawson to take the remains along with a letter I had written and the tickets I had locked away for over a month.

I even forced myself to give up the final t-shirt of Micah's that I had, the one that had long since lost his smell and stopped bringing me the same comfort it once had. Giving it back was like losing my last connection to him, and it was embarrassing how hard it was to pack away. I wasn't proud of the sobbing, useless mess I had been reduced to after last seeing Micah, but I also learned in therapy that there was no wrong way to grieve. So I let the tears fall and pushed through every day. Eventually, it became easier to control.

The last couple of weeks I had managed to pack up my apartment and move out. I joined a study group for final exams coming up, and I had even dragged myself out for coffee with some people from my classes. I didn't talk too much, opting to let them drive the conversation, but I was proud of myself for getting out amongst the living again.

No matter what I did or where I went though, Micah was always on my mind. He was a ceaseless thought, a never-ending reel playing behind my eyes. I had so many questions about what he was doing, how he was hanging in there, or if he had been able to move on from everything.

I couldn't think about him finding someone new, yet the one prayer I kept sending up was for him to be happy. I had caused him more than enough pain, and he deserved a full life of immense happiness. I wanted that for him so much. I could move through my days like this forever and be just fine, but I wanted more for him.

You grow up knowing that some lessons are learned the hard way, but as a kid you don't think about how hard those lessons can hit you. You don't comprehend the destruction those lessons can leave in your path, or what it can cost you.

Mine had cost me everything. I wasn't guaranteed a second chance to make it right. My letter would either open his heart up to a second chance with me, or it would serve as my goodbye. Either way, I hopedit would bring him some measure of closure.

At that second the noise behind me grew in volume as someone opened the sliding door. I knew my solitude out here wouldn't go unnoticed for long, but I wasn't in the mood for company. We only had one week left in the semester, and at the end of it Micah would be going back to Dallas. It's not like I didn't know exactly where he'd be, but it felt like the ultimate nail in our coffin. A failed experiment that hadn't worked out like we wanted.

I drowned the rest of my Solo cup, and moved to head back inside. I froze, glued to the spot and not breathing. My therapist would have a field day with the hallucination I was having now. A gorgeous, heart-wrenching hallucination that I wished to see every second of every day.

Micah stood staring at me, unmoving and unblinking for so long that I wondered if I had actually hallucinated him after all. Finally, he took a tentative step forward and spoke.

“Hey, Bash,” he murmured, his shimmering caramel eyes locked on mine. I didn't realize how badly I missed his voice until I heard those two words. Nothing special by themselves, yet they set my pulse thrumming and my chest clenching.He called me Bash…

“Hey, stranger,” I hummed softly. I wasn't sure what to call him and it was the weirdest, most unwelcome feeling. This was uncharted territory with us, and I wanted to tread carefully until I knew where we stood. Him being there wasn't automatically a good thing.What if he came to say goodbye for good this time? Am I strong enough to say goodbye to him?…

My choice of moniker made him wince the tiniest bit, and if I didn't know every inch of his face like my own, I would have missed it. “Can we…talk?” he asked a little stronger that time.

My insides were at war with the request. Half of me yearned to talk with him, to hear anything he had to say to me even if it ripped me apart. The other half was full of self-preservation and urged me not to put myself on the firing line of his words, knowing it would send me back to square one. The former won out.

“Yeah, of course. I'd like that,” I told him honestly. I motioned with my head for him to follow me further into the backyard, down the steps of the short wooden deck to where a handful of tiki torches were lit at the far end of the lawn. I didn't want to run the risk of someone coming outside and interrupting us. He followed so inaudibly that I had to check over my shoulder to see if he was still there.

“So…” Micah started, but he seemed to struggle with what to say. “I don't know why this is so hard. It's like the last nine years didn't happen and I forgot how to talk to you,” he muttered. He fidgeted with his hands and I could feel the anxiety coming off him. It twisted my gut to see him so uncomfortable around me, so I thought it best to put him out of his misery.

“I sold my app. The one I told you about,” I shared with him, the one piece of light I had in weeks of darkness. His eyebrows shot up to his hairline and his jaw dropped.

“Bash, you…you actually did it? You really sold it?' Micah's face was painted with shock and…maybe pride? He took a small step closer to me, and his scent wafted toward me with the breeze. It was so potent that I almost groaned when it hit me. I had missed everything about him, but his comforting smell had been one of the things I missed most.

“I really did. I used the ticket you got me and went to that Tech Summit, and it was amazing! I met so many people and even got a couple leads on some companies that I could work for one day, but one of the men I talked with said his company was always looking for new applications to invest in. I had a meeting with him and they offered for it on the spot.” The smile snuck onto my face without warning, and it was one of the first genuine smiles I'd had in over a month.

Micah's mouth quirked up slowly on one side in that beautiful half-smile I remembered so vividly. It still held the power to make my heart race, like a shot of adrenaline straight to my veins. “Bash, I am so fucking proud of you. I can't believe you really did it! Does it have a name yet?”

“Well, they own it now and technically they can name it, but I did pitch them an idea that I hope they use,” I smirked. “I told them I preferred “Beautiful Mind” or the BM app for short. Who knows if they'll stick with it? As long as the app is being used to help people, I'm happy.”

Micah's brows furrowed slightly like he was trying to puzzle out what I said. “Beautiful Mind? BM as in…Bash and Micah?” His tone was tinged with hopefulness and awe when he figured it out.

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