Page 58 of Inevitable

Coward. That single word lodged itself in my head and needled at my conscience all morning long after Micah stormed out. He hadn't said it, but he didn't need to. We both thought it. I felt so fucking guilty for once again ruining what had been a beautiful thing between us, and it was all because I was too much of a coward to defy my dad, even for Micah.

What he wanted me to do wasn't crazy, and it was everything I wanted to have with him and more. I wanted the two of us, together and happy without any baggage, secrets, or complications. I had always known Micah deserved an unconditional love with someone who would love him large and loud, out in the open where he could be claimed for the world to see. I felt it in my bones that I was that man for him. He owned my very soul, and I wouldn't have blinked twice about coming out as being his.

It was a strange sensation to not feel any hesitation about labeling myself as bisexual or gay because it didn't really make a difference. There would be no other guys or girls for the label to matter since Micah wasitfor me. It didn't phase me that I had always thought I was straight and that's how people saw me. Now, I just wanted to be Micah's, whatever that entailed.

But it would never be fair of me to keep him a hidden secret, a lover that I kept in the shadows while Ainsley could parade me around in public for the sake of her greed and my father's threats. I couldn't find a reasonable way out where they were concerned, but hell if I wasgoing to give Micah up again.

I had finally tasted him again, heard his moans, felt his skin on mine, and drawn pleasure from us both that had the fibers of my being unraveling and weaving back together with Micah's essence. He was in my head, my heart, my body, and entangled with every inch of me.

It had hurt on a visceral level to see how upset he was with me and my insistence that I couldn't dump Ainsley, not without serious repercussions. I couldn't tell him the full story when he asked. Something held me back, and maybe it was because I was too ashamed or didn't want him to know and try to convince me there was a way. His persistent positivity and need to solve problems was one of the many reasons I had fallen for him, but I was almost powerless against it.

If he had pressed hard enough, he would have had me throwing caution to the wind and risking everything, and my mom would pay the price. So I held back, but I hated that I made him doubt how much I truly wanted him. He thought I would let him go because I wouldn't take a stand against Ainsley and my dad, but he was wrong.

I couldn't turn my back on him again, so if there was a way, I'd fucking find it.

I thought of how I could evade my dad's threats regarding Micah and my mom. His subtle remarks about being the financial backer for my education was near inconsequential in the bigger scheme of things. I'd take out a hundred loans if I had to just to be free of him, but that was only one piece of the fucked up puzzle he had laid out for me.

Micah might have been right that I was being paranoid about a call my dad could make to the dean. My dad was an influential man, but he wasn't yet an elected Representative despite his success in the polls, so maybe I was overestimating his reach. UT wasn't just going to expel Micah simply because my dad said so, right? Unless he planted some evidence that could get Micah expelled…or arrested. Of course, we could go to the dean first and explain the situation, warn him before my dad got to him, but what if they didn't believe us?Fuck, I'm so in my head over this shit it's becoming impossible to think clearly.

Despite the fact that the threat against Micah might have had a plausible solution, that wasn't even the biggest concern. I couldn't ignore the danger my dad posed to my mom, especially with how vulnerable she could be when her depression was bad. It would be different if my mom hadn't had documented mental health problems that went back years.

I had researched into the matter, reading as much as I could about involuntary commitment in Texas, trying to find some way around it.Unfortunately, it seemed fairly hopeless and, when you factored in the corrupt power my father wielded, impossible. I believed him when he said he could keep her locked up for good because getting her admitted was the hard part. Once she was in, he could ensure she remained so drugged and catatonic that no one would ever see her as healthy enough for release. There were no guarantees that I could even find a way to get her released, or warn someone about what dad was doing. I couldn't be sure that any plans to circumvent him would work, and that wasn't a risk I was willing to take.

The real fucking kicker was that Ainsley was the weak link, the kink in my chain against my father. The only way he would discover any subterfuge on my part was through that venomous bitch. If she suspected that Micah and I were together, she'd send one text to him and my mom's freedom would be on the line.

Micah thought I was being a coward by staying with her, but he didn't get that I was a coward without options. Telling him would possibly help him comprehend the true shit that I was wrestling with, but it wouldn't change anything and he'd just insist on finding a way to fix it.

Some impossible way that didn't exist without significant risk to my mom, and I wasn't willing to be that selfish, even for my sweet Micah. There had to be some solution that allowed me to be with him and mitigate the danger to my mother. I'd find it, come hell or high water.

My phone rang out from my bedroom, and I ran to grab it, thinking it was maybe Micah needing me. Disappointment hit me like a brick to the head when I saw it was only Nate. I contemplated not answering it, but I couldn't afford to be a dick to one of my only friends.

“Hey Nate, what's up?”

“Hey, can I swing by? I have something I need to talk to you about,” Nate said, sounding oddly winded.

“Look man, it's not a good time…” I began to say, but Nate cut in.

“Seriously B, I wouldn't ask it if it wasn't important. You're gonna want to hear this,” Nate said, something in his tone that had my curiosity peaking.

“Why can't you just tell me now, dude?”

“Ugh, too long, too complicated. Look, I'm just coming over, so fucking deal with it. See you in five!” Nate retorted, and I rolled my eyes at his sass.

This better be fucking good.

*****

Nate showed up to the apartment not even five minutes later, pushinghis way inside before the door was even fully open and vibrating with impatience.

“Gee, Nate, come on in. Make yourself at home,” I quipped, but he ignored my sarcasm and just looked at me exasperatedly.

“Dude, shut up and listen. Like I said, this is important!” Nate's eyes widened on me like he was waiting for verbal confirmation that I was giving him my rapt attention.

“Yeah yeah, I'm with you. Just tell me already,” I waved a hand at him to continue, moving to sit on the couch while he launched into his story.

“Alright, so I was talking to this friend I have on the football team and just asking him how his break was going, did he have any good hookup stories lately, blah blah blah. He started to tell me about this one chick he met recently at that Delt party back at Halloween. Blond, nice rack, and legs for days—he was going on and on about her,” Nate rambled, even going so far as to use hand gestures to elaborate.

My own impatience grew as I fought to find the point to his inane story, but I waited for him to continue.

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