Page 44 of Inevitable

“I just wanted to know…was that your first time?” he asked so quietly that I almost missed his words.

“Why are you asking me that, Bash?” I deflected, embarrassed beyond belief at the direction this conversation was headed, but greatly curious why he was asking, why he seemed to care.

“Please, M…just tell me.”

“What does it matter if it was?…”

“Because…”

I lifted my head to look at him and that time he didn't try to stop me. “Because why?”

Bash looked so forlorn and uncomfortable, and it made my heart squeeze. “Because if that was your first time, then you deserved so much more than that, M…it shouldn't have happened like that, there in that house…not like that.”

“How do you know that I haven't done that before? That he would have been my first?” Something pricked at my memory and I tried to recall if we had this discussion before…did I tell him I was a virgin that night we hooked up? Or was it before that? Had I ever told him I was?

“I…assumed you would have told me if you had ever…had sex before. We used to tell each other everything, remember?” Bash said sheepishly.

I regrettably remembered very well the first time he told me he had sex, and the unfortunate amount of ice cream I consumed that night. I wasn't hung up on whether or not I had told Bash that I was a virgin, but I still wanted to know why he cared so much.

It felt like I was on the precipice of a revelation, mere seconds from falling over the edge, unsure if I would fly or tumble to the rocks below. I wasn't sure if I was strong enough to handle the reason behind Bash's scrutiny of my tryst tonight, but something in his gaze gave me pause. Some glimmer of pain and fear there made me want to share the only important detail from tonight, if only to assuage his fear.

“I didn't…we didn't have sex tonight,” I confessed, keeping my gaze riveted to his chest.

Bash's breathing hitched, and he tilted my chin up so that I was forced to look him in the eye. “You really didn't?” His eyes held a hopeful glint in them, and I didn't want to put thought into what it meant. It had already been proven that my judgment about Bash's feelings couldn't be trusted.

“No, Bash. I haven't…” I mumbled, unable to finish my sentence and feeling a flush creep up my neck. I didn't need to continue though. He knew what I was trying to say. I prayed that he didn't ask about what wehaddone tonight…that was something best left unsaid.

By some small miracle, he didn't ask. Bash just continued to stare at me, his gaze flitting between my eyes as if searching for the truth in them. His gorgeous lips ticked up on one side in a small smile, and he leaned in to press a gentle, sweet kiss to my forehead, his lips lingering there.

The kiss was pure adoration, trickling warmth down my body from my head to my feet. It healed a tiny part of me that was battered and bruised from all the turmoil of the evening.

We cuddled back up together and watched another episode, the air around us no longer as stifling as it was a few minutes ago. However, there was no denying that things had changed between us tonight, subtly shifting and altering the fabric of who we were. It seemed like we were hovering around a confession that would move the ground under our feet, neither one of us ready for the quakes it would unleash.

Something was going to give, and I just hoped we would survive the fallout.

CHAPTER 17

Micah

Even though there was a lot that I regretted about the Halloween party (mainly all of it), the one good thing to come out of it was reuniting with Bash. After our mutual breakdowns, it seems we had purged enough of the issues holding us down that we were able to move back into familiar, comfortable territory.

We had reinstated weekly movie nights and even started studying together a few times a week, and I was immensely happy. It was as though we had finally found stable ground as we reinvested in our friendship. We went back to texting every day, and each morning I woke up to his name on my screen, I thanked all the gods there might have been that we had found a way back to each other again. I had known all along that Bash's friendship was essential to me, but it had been continually proven the last couple of weeks as I slowly started to feel like myself again.

As for Kit, we had gone on a couple of lunch dates together since the party and he didn't seem put out anymore about how I had abandoned him for Bash. It took me a couple of hours of non-stop texting with him to calm him down the next day and assure him that Bash and I had other issues going on that had nothing to do with him and me. Clearly that was bullshit, but I didn't want to create an argument and I wasn't ready yet to throw in the towel with dating Kit. I may have regretted our hookup and he may not have stirred the same feelings in me that my bestie did, but it was still necessary for me to get over Bash eventually. Kit was a decent enough guy that I felt bad fornot giving him a full chance, so I was willing to hang in there for a little while longer at least.

Thanksgiving was a week away and though I was supremely thankful for the long break from my grueling classes, I wasn't exactly looking forward to it this year. My parents had planned to go on a couples retreat with friends a few months ago and it happened to overlap with my break, so I was Little Orphan Annie for the holiday. I knew Bash spent each Thanksgiving with his family back in Dallas, so he wasn't an option. I made plans to stay holed up in my apartment, order in Chinese, and binge watchThe Simpsonsfor the next ten days. It was a tolerable level of pathetic for me.

While I was starting up the second season of the show on Saturday morning, waiting for Bash to come over and hang out with me and Rhys, my phone rang. I answered without looking, figuring it was just Bash telling me he was gonna be late or ask if I wanted him to bring food.

“Hello?” I asked distractedly, attention mostly still on the TV.

“Hey babe! What are you up to?” Kit greeted me happily.

I was thrown for a minute since I was expecting a different voice, but I recovered quickly.Not sure how I feel about the “babe” though…jury's out on that one.

“Oh, hey! Uh, not much. I have plans with Rhys and Bash later today, but I'm just chilling with the Simpsons right now. Why?”

“You said your parents are gone for the break, correct?”

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