Page 41 of Inevitable

“Oh, don't even give me that crap, Micah. I know you're just saying what I want to hear. I need you to FEEL something! Anything! Get angry, throw a tantrum, bawl your eyes out, scream until your voice gives out, anything! Just…feel something and come back to the world again. You can't keep living like this. Bash is still here, and so is Kit for that matter! You said he's been asking you for another date for weeks, and you owe him for running out that night at the restaurant. You also told me that you would work on getting over Bash finally, so do it! Call Kit. Call him and start living your life again because this is just…sad,” Rhys ranted at me until he said his peace, and then left me to stew with his demand.

For perhaps the first time since I had cried out the last of my tears over Bash, I felt a twinge of something. I couldn't quite place the emotion, but it was there like a flicker of light far in the distance. I couldn't have that. I figured that Rhys was at least right in the sense that I needed to do something that resembled actual living, if only to get him off my back. With that decided, I texted Kit.

ME:Hey, you free tomorrow night? It's Halloween.

KIT:I heard about that once. Big holiday, right? What, you want to go trick or treating?

ME: How about we go out, dance and get smashed instead?

KIT:Hmm…intriguing. I know the perfect place. Pick you up tomorrow at 10:00pm?

ME:Deal.

If my feelings were starting to resurface, I wanted to drown them. I'd wash them away with whatever drink would saturate my brain enough to keep me in my blissful state of apathy. That was only the first part of the equation.

Drinking would only clear Bash and the torturous emotions out of my head, but it wouldn't wipe them out of my heart. Kit would be the key to that next part.

*****

Turns out the “perfect place” that Kit had mentioned was a Halloween rager being thrown by Delta Tau Delta. On one of my visits to UT, Bash had taken me to a party at the Delt house, and I had to admit it was a blast. Of course, that thought had that minuscule flicker of emotion flaring a little brighter and I snuffed it out before it could grow any bigger. I didn't want to think of Bash or any of our issues tonight. I wanted to get wasted and do whatever I could to get lost in Kit, even if he wasn't my first choice.

We wandered around for a little bit with drinks in hand that Kit had grabbed for us. It occurred to me belatedly that Kit had graduated from UT a while ago, and was curious how he knew to bring me here. “How did you hear about this party in the first place? Do you still have friends on campus or something?” I asked him while we were out on the back patio, observing a tipsy game of beer pong.

“My cousin told me about it a few days ago, and when you mentioned wanting to go out, I thought this was the best option,” he said almost dismissively, his eyes still riveted on the game. He draped one of his arms loosely over my shoulder. Whatever, I didn't care so long as I got to drink and dance the night away.

Regret tried pushing at the edges of my mind, but I blocked it out. Deep down I knew I wasn't this person, the one who tried to drown their troubles in alcohol and avoid facing their problems. I wondered what Bash would say to me if he saw what I was doing to myself, saw the downward spiral dragging me under. He'd be so disappointed in me, and I hated disappointing him. Nevertheless, the two Vodka Tonics I had tossed back soon after arriving had me struggling to care.

I tossed back the last contents of my third cup, just pushing past the tipsy line, and grabbed Kit's hand. “Come dance with me,” I purred to him, my words slurring ever so slightly. His eyebrow cocked up and his lips slinked into a smile. I pulled him to the very edge of the dance floor toward a darker corner of the room. I wanted it to feel like we were the only two here, to have my attention so riveted on him that theworld around us fell away. I wanted it because the only person who had ever made me feel like that was…

NO! Stop fucking thinking about him, Micah! Focus on the tall drink of water in front of you. Concentrate!

I shoved the thoughts back into their deep, dark hole and swayed my hips sensually along with Kit's. I had found out during our second date that he was a pretty solid dancer, and I was glad it didn't appear to be a fluke. His hands wrapped around my hips possessively, his fingers digging in hard to the point I was almost concerned about bruises. I didn't like it. When Bash had danced with me, he had held me so reverently and adoringly that I feared I would melt right into the floor from the heat he was generating. Kit held me like…a thing.

In all likelihood, it was the drinks that were making me feel sensitive and antsy, so I just closed my eyes and let the music pull me under. I was struck by a strange sensation out of nowhere that I recognized. It made my hair stand on end and the temperature of my body raise slightly, my pulse starting a slow climb. It was awareness…

Of him.

I spun in Kit's arms, opened my eyes and almost instantaneously they were drawn to Bash.Oh shitty titties, why the fuck is he here?I'm supposed to be getting over him!

In a severely unfortunate turn of events, I saw Ainsley pawing at his forearm and rubbing her boobs all over him while he was chatting in a corner with some guys I didn't recognize. The sight turned my stomach, especially since Bash didn't seem troubled in the slightest by her affection.

Brightly and intensely, the little flicker of emotion that I tried so fucking hard to squash came roaring back to life, growing to unfathomable levels until I couldn't take in a breath. I was stuck, unable to breathe, unable to move, unable to do anything but let the unbearable rage and pain burn me alive.

Kit squeezed my shoulders from behind and leaned in to my ear, whispering, “You okay? It feels like I lost you there for a second.”

His words and hands on my body splintered the shock that had frozen me in place, and I gasped in a breath. I couldn't handle the tide of emotions that were overwhelming my system after being numb for so long. I needed to channel it into something else. Something that would properly distract me.

I twisted in his grip and wove my hands into Kit's hair before slowly covering his mouth in a deep kiss. This was only our third kiss, so he was slightly taken aback, but he quickly gave into it and took control. His hands once again ensnared my waist, crushing me to himand his tongue delved into my mouth. It felt almost wrong…as if his lips didn't work with mine, like trying to force two puzzle pieces together that didn't fit, but I kept going.

Images of me and Bash flashed in my mind in a dizzying kaleidoscope of memories. Flashbacks of everything we'd been through the last several months played like a movie that I couldn't hit pause on. The kiss wasn't enough to suppress it. I needed more.

I broke away from Kit's aggressive assault, breath coming in fast pants as I brought myself up to his ear. “Let's find somewhere more private,” I whispered seductively. Kit didn't hesitate, grabbing my hand and hauling me toward the stairs. A voice inside my head screamed that this was a mistake, that I would regret everything I was about to do, but I ignored it. Forced it away. I wasn't going to stop this.

Kit tried the first door on the right, only to find it locked, but the one on the left creaked open. It was dark, but the blinds were up and the moon filtered in enough light to clearly see the room. Kit made a move to flip on the lights, but I stopped him with a hand on his wrist. He looked at me questioningly. “Leave them off…” I trailed off, using the grip on his wrist to pull him to the bed with me.

I had been with other guys before, but for some reason my body was resisting being with Kit like this. I could've blamed it on the alcohol, the emotional numbness, or even the fact that Kit and I hadn't dated that long, but every one of those were bullshit excuses. I had drunken hookups before with guys I knew for ten minutes, so it couldn't have been that. No, this was all because of Bash. Whether it was because he was right downstairs or burrowed into my heart, my body knew who it truly belonged to.Too bad you don't get a say, you picky bitch. I'm controlling this ride.

I kissed Kit again, my hands sliding down from his shoulders until I reached the hem of his shirt. I yanked it up halfway before he finished the job and ripped it over his head. He quickly did the same to mine, but I felt nothing when we were skin to skin. No electricity or heat.Better kick this up a notch then…

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