Page 39 of Inevitable

Oh yeah…way more to that fucking story than he's letting on.

We decided to head over to Dawson's dorm nearby, and for the next hour I unloaded about everything that had happened with Micah, starting with our hookup in May up until the night of the double-date when Micah had told me he loved me again. When I had told my friends that I had faked an alcohol-induced memory loss of the night of the party, I could practically smell their judgment in the air, sharp and bitter. They had given me a lot of shit for that decision, but their exasperation with me reached new levels once I told them how I lied to Micah again about my feelings.

“Dude…I'd point out you're beyond fucked, but I'm pretty sure that'd just be cruel at this point…” Nate uttered in befuddlement.

“Bro, you just said it anyway! Where the fuck is your tact?” Dawson rolled his eyes at him, smacking him on the shoulder hard.

Nate rubbed the spot and scowled at him before turning apologetic eyes toward me. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you feel worse…it's just this is a real shitshow you've got going on and…I don't even know what to say that would help, you know?”

I rubbed the back of my neck, unsure of what to say myself. “Don't worry about it, man. It's just something I've gotta get through by myself. The hardest fucking part is not being able to make it right with Micah. I used to think nothing would ever fuck up our friendship—we were rock solid. Yet all it took was one kiss, one fucked up…fucking incredible night to kick start all of this…shit. I mean, where do we go from here? He says he's trying to move on from me and he's dating Kit now, and I'm shackled to that greedy bitch with no way to tell Micah how I actually feel. How do we stay best friends with all this baggage weighing us down?” I asked despondently. They both just looked at me, the pity loud and clear in their gazes.

“I wish I knew what to say, man, I really do…” Dawson started, “but I think you might just have to take it day by day until it becomes more bearable. Eventually, you and Micah will figure out a new way of being best friends. It'll be different, but at least you'll have each other.”

I knew he was right, but I didn't know where to start with all of it. My phone started buzzing in my pocket and I pulled it out, answering it without looking at the caller ID. That was my first mistake.

“Hey babe, I need you to take me to the Delta Tau Halloween party next Friday. Apparently they're going all out and almost everyone is going to be there! The party starts at 8pm, so I figure we should get there around nine! Nothing good happens in the first hour of a party,” Ainsley rambled on in one, long breath.If this is the shit that I have to put up with for the rest of my life, Dad won't need to threaten my mom anymore. I'm going to need to be committed myself…

“Ains, I have absolutely no fucking desire to go to a Halloween frat party. Go without me,” I growled at her, no longer playing nice unless it was an absolute necessity.

“Have it your way. Just expect a nice, long call from your Dad the next morning after I tell him what really occupied you that night. I think you can fill in the blanks from there, Bastian,” she sneered, her threat implicit.What a colossal cuntpuddle…

“Fine,” I snapped, “I'll pick you up at ten til nine. Satisfied?”

“Immensely,” she purred, her smug tone ringing through loud and clear.

I hung up the phone with so much force I was worried for a second that my thumb would go straight through the screen. I met the confused, concerned looks on Dawson and Nate's faces.

“Y'all want to go to a Halloween party at the Delts' house next Friday night?”

*****

I should have known better than to trust Ainsley to be on time when I swung by her place to pick her up for the party, but I was naive. I ended up waiting for damn near forty minutes before she walked out and paraded suggestively in front of me in a short, black satin dress that showed more skin than it covered, and cat ears. I was almost positive she did it to try to get a reaction (or erection) out of me, but she was barking up the wrong tree. Even if I had been pumped full of Viagra and Ainsley herself gave me a lap dance, she'd never again provoke a reaction from my body that was anything but hostile. She wasn't theone my body, or heart, wanted.I'd rather just chop the damn thing off than touch her again. Okay…maybe that's a bridge too far, but celibate priest sounds pretty damn good if sex with Ainsley is the alternative.

After she accepted that her outfit and tricks weren't getting her anywhere, we walked over to the Delt house that was a few streets down from her apartment. The Delts were known for throwing some of the best parties in West Campus where most of Greek life was situated. The party was in full swing, and laughter and music floated through the air down the street. It was the very last place on earth I wanted to be, mostly because of the parasite attached to my arm at that moment, but I'd suck it up and push through if it meant Ainsley would keep her damn mouth shut about Micah.

Once we got inside and meandered through to the kitchen, I figured the best way to make the night go by as painlessly as possible was to numb myself to it all. I filled a Solo cup with as much tequila as I could stand before detaching myself from Ainsley to go hunt down my friends. Thankfully, she had gotten distracted by a couple of girls and Dawson had already texted me a while ago saying he was there. It took me several minutes of bobbing and weaving through the packs of students to find him, but I felt like I could breathe a little easier with someone there I knew and trusted.

I used to be all about party life and would be completely at ease getting lost in the crowd, dancing and letting myself go. Every once in a while, I'd find a girl who had sparked my interest enough, and I'd take her either upstairs to an empty room or back to my place when I was in the mood to get laid. It was always a fun time, but it also felt empty. There was no one I entertained past one night, but I always made sure to be gentle about it, making my intentions clear from the start and treating the girl well.

The novelty wore off after a while, and then eventually came Ainsley. Once I was with her, I didn't touch another girl. I may have fallen into that relationship against my will, but I didn't want to be a cheater. The only exception to that rule had been Micah, but he was the exception to all my rules.

Fucking hell, I miss him so much…not having him in my life on a daily basis is driving me up a fucking wall and down the other side of it.

It wasn't just Micah's presence that I missed, but the talks we used to have, the effortless way of being together that I never came close to having with anyone else. He had a way of knowing what I was thinking even before I did sometimes, and when I struggled to explain myself, Micah always seemed to understand what was in my head and heart.He and I were connected on a level that had me believing soul mates were real. If soul mates existed, I knew down to my marrow that he was mine, and his absence was tearing at the fabric of who I was.

“So has this week been any easier for you?” Dawson asked. I just shook my head, not really having a good answer for him.

“Well, Señor Tequila there will either make it a hell of a lot better, or make you wish for death. Here's to your fifty-fifty chances on that!” Nate chimed in, raising his Solo cup at me and draining the remains of his drink.

“Always so fucking helpful, you ass,” I grumbled, tossing back a mouthful of Patron. I actually hated tequila, but it got me loaded quicker than other things.

We passed the time talking to a couple of other guys, and it wasn't all that terrible. I had downed the first cup of tequila and was nursing a second one, just over the line of tipsy, when Ainsley tracked me down again. She clung to me, pressing her chest up against my bicep and I rolled my eyes.

“Babyyy,” she drunkenly slurred, “come dance with me!” She yanked on my arm and I stumbled along behind her, not wanting to argue. I was buzzed, but I had to toe the line and make sure I could keep tenuous control over myself.There is zero fucking way I will let Ainsley take advantage of my lack of control tonight…

We pushed through the dancing bodies, and Ainsley forced my hands to her hips as she swayed against me to the music. I was bored as fuck, and only wanted to go back and hang with my friends if I was being forced to be there, but Ainsley had a death grip on the back of my neck and shoulders. She turned in my arms to put her back to my front, grinding against me to the sensual music playing around us. I rolled my eyes at her even though she couldn't see it, and kept my grip as loose as I was able to with her hands covering mine. I stayed fairly immobile and just closed my eyes, ignoring her gyrating body and allowing myself to get lost in the memories of dancing with Micah.

Like a wave breaking, the memories crashed into me of how it felt to hold his hips with my hands, have my arm slung around his waist, his chest pressed to mine…right there on that dance floor, I had forgotten Micah was my best friend and only felt…desire, hot and heavy in my blood. My body started moving with the music as the memories took hold and taunted me with everything I could no longer have.

---