Page 18 of Inevitable

“Wait…M, is this because of me? I thought you were spending the summer here with me. I mean, you just got here…” Bash’s face was streaked with despondency and confusion, and I felt like shit for putting him through the emotional wringer this morning. I was angry with him, but I never wanted to be the cause of his pain or unease.

“I know we had talked about our summer months ago, but…I really think this is what I need right now.”

“M…come on, please don’t go. How are we supposed to fix things and get better if you’re three hours away in another city?” Bash’s anguish was palpable, and it confused me as to why he seemed to be taking my departure so hard.

He has Ainsley…why does he care what I do?

Wow! Want some pepper to go with that saltiness you got there, Russo?

“BB, we can still work on fixing things while I’m gone. It’ll be just like when I was living there before. There’s really no difference,” I comforted him, though as I said it, I knew that it was different.

It shouldn’t have been, but it was.

I had a feeling that everything was different now.

*****

It felt like the summer flew by, and I cycled between being happy that I was with my family and depressed that I wasn’t with Bash. The first week after I left for Dallas, Bash had texted me non-stop like a stage five clinger about everything and nothing at all.

You wouldn’t hear any complaints from me because the tiny, sadistic part of me was satisfied that he seemed to be suffering without me. Well, suffering might be a tad dramatic, but he wasn’t having an easy time with our separation.

My biggest hope in leaving Austin for the summer was to get some perspective on my relationship with Bash. I needed to figure out how to hit the reset button, so that I could continue being best friends with him while no longer allowing my feelings for him to cloud everything else.

If the last month or two taught me anything, it was that I had somewhere along the way forgotten how to be friends with Bash without letting my love for him permeate and compromise that bond. I couldn’t let that happen. I wouldn’t be able to survive if I had to live without Bastian Dupont. Before he came along, I was living a pale imitation of life. With him, everything was Technicolor bleeding into the gray.

While Bash had gone a little overboard with texting me the first few weeks, I had to restrain myself from responding to him each time. I limited our interactions as much as I could, so I could take a beat and figure things out. It was fucking hard though because it was nothing like our relationship was before that stupid night where I let us get derailed. It was the quake that started the crack that ran through our foundation, and we hadn’t crumbled yet, but we were on damn shaky ground.

In the blink of an eye, it was late July and I was slated to return home the first week of August before classes started back the week after. Bash and I had progressed to Facetiming one another late June and had committed to a weekly Facetime chat to get back to how we used to be.

It was borderline agonizing to see him through that tiny screen, wishing more than anything that he was next to me in bed, talking and laughing with me as we used to. Those Facetime dates were closest to the way we used to be together before all this shit happened. It hurt, but it also gave me hope that we could find our way back there…back to each other.

During our talks we avoided the subject of Ainsley and for that, I was grateful. I hadn’t gotten any closer to accepting that Bash had a serious girlfriend because I hadn’t had to cope with that before.

Wait, record scratch! Come to think of it, Bash has never had a serious girlfriend since I met him. What the shiz is that about?

I rolled the epiphany through my head, trying to pick it apart and decipher what it meant. The only thing I could come up with is that he had never met anyone he felt was worth his time and love…until Ainsley.

If he had been dating her for this long, even though his dad had a hand in it, then she must be the first person he’s ever felt something deeper for. I knew Bash, he wouldn’t let his dad pick his girlfriend for him because Bash despises his father’s fucked up, vindictive games, so if Ainsley was still around, then that could only mean one thing.

He loves her. He wants to be with her.

Fuck me running…it all makes so much sense now. Cool. Okay. Well…that sucks dick, and not in the fun way.

That must have been the reason Bash was so scared to tell me about her. He thought that if I learned about her and discovered how much she meant to him, I would feel like I was being replaced. He probably figured that I wouldn’t be as tolerant of their relationship if she was a long-term deal because it would mean that I would eventually lose him to her, and he worried I would have cut and run first.

With that final piece of the puzzle falling into place, a certain sense of calm washed over me. It wasn’t a peaceful, wholesome calm that came from embracing what was and being happy with it. It was more of a calm where the anger, confusion, and heartbreak were locked away in a box and you were able to move on without it suffocating you.

Now that I understood the situation fully, it provided the perspective on Bash’s feelings and where his heart really belonged, or rather whom it belonged to.

That knowledge gave me the strength to accept what I was returning home to in Austin, and I believed it was exactly what I needed to help me face what came next: finally reclaiming my heart from Bastian Dupont.

CHAPTER 10

Micah

Friday morning, I said goodbye to my dad and my weepy mom and headed home to Austin. It was still strange to me to call Austin home since I really hadn't been there more than a week before I fled to Dallas for the summer, but I supposed it would take time for it to grow on me. Looking back, it would have been beneficial to have some time during the last couple of months to explore and really get to know my new town, but I still felt it was more important that I had that time and space away from Bash.

That wasn't the most pleasant thought to have, yet it was true all the same. I guess it's normal for friendships to flex and grow beyond their boundaries after a few years, and we were probably due for some growing pains when there hadn't been any since middle school.

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