Page 9 of Inevitable

Okay…so I guess “baby” is taking a back seat now. Trying not to be salty about that one…

“I don’t really know how to say all this and it’s honestly so stupid…but…” The words stuck in my throat and I closed my eyes and tried to force them out anyway.Come on, you can fucking do this. Just say it! Elsa that shit and let it go!

“Bash, I…I’ve been into you as more than a best friend for a while.I don’t entirely know when it happened, but I’ve loved you for a long time now and…I guess I figured you had a right to know after what just happened.I didn’t want to keep it from you anymore, especially because what we did was everything I could have ever hoped for. It was honestly…perfect.I just…yeah, I just needed you to know that,” I said in a quiet rush of words.There was a part of me that deflated in relief to finally tell him what had been in my heart for years, but a much larger, louder part of me was screaming inside that I had just made a huge mistake.

I tensed up waiting for his response, but it never came. “Bash? Didyou hear me?” I asked carefully.When I still didn’t hear anything from him, I tilted my head back to look up at him.

Bash was fast asleep and breathing softly.He hadn’t heard a single word.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.Relief and sadness flooded my body in equal measure at the fact that he didn’t know what I had said to him.Maybe it would be better said in the morning anyway when we were both less drunk off of booze and each other.

I pulled out of his arms as cautiously as I could so I didn’t wake him up, wet a washcloth in my bathroom, and wiped myself off.Each pass of the cloth on my skin was an abrasive eraser, scrubbing away all evidence of mine and Bash’s passion. As I rinsed the cloth to go clean him off too, I couldn’t help but feel that all my hopes of this working out for the better went down the drain with it.

*****

I woke up the next morning to direct sunlight spilling onto the bed and hitting me in the face, and I recoiled from it. I had evidently shifted in the night and was curled up on my side away from Bash, facing my window. My body felt bereft of his touch now, and disappointment simmered just under my skin.

I stretched out a bit and then groaned painfully as a headache that could split my skull hit me out of nowhere.And this, my dear hoes and bros, is why I do not drink to excess!

I knew I would regret that last Vodka Tonic I had because I was a ridiculous lightweight, but after the lusty events that transpired last night, I thought I had sobered up enough that I wouldn’t hit "Hangover City” this morning.

Hopes. Dashed.

I gingerly turned over to face Bash, seeing him still deep in sleep with his brow slightly furrowed like he was in the midst of an unpleasant dream. I took the opportunity to study his features like this with my newfound eyes that came from knowing Bash far more intimately than before. Now, I knew what he kissed like, how he tasted, the feel of his rough hands, and the noises he made when he came. Damn it, those thoughts did nothing to tame my morning wood, which was already at a half salute.Maybe Bash would be up for a repeat?

Before I could even entertain that idea, I had to know where we officially stood now. Yet there was a hole in my gut that foreshadowed something I don’t think I was equipped to handle, but there was no getting around it. Either we talked this out and went from there, or…well, the “or” I really couldn’t think about. I needed to bite the bullet and talk to him.

I timidly nudged his shoulder a bit in an effort to wake him. “Bash? BB, you gotta wake up,” I crooned softly.

Bash grumbled a bit and shifted in bed a little before his eyes slowly opened. When the harsh light stung his eyes, he shut them fast and moaned as he turned his head away. “Geez, since when is sunlight so fucking bright?” he complained.

I smirked at his comment and retorted, “I think the tequila you pounded last night enhances the effect. It’s one of the lesser known benefits of it, or so I’m told.”

Bash huffed out a quick laugh at my silly sarcasm, and rolled his head back to face the ceiling, his eyes remaining closed. “Damn, I have a wicked hangover. What the fuck happened last night?”

My face scrunched up in confusion, and cold dread licked at my consciousness. “What do you mean what happened, BB?” I questioned.

“I mean what happened at the party? I remember a couple of things, but it’s basically one big blur. How did we get back to your dorm?” Bash asked bemusedly.

Holy. Fucking. Shit. That’s not fucking possible.

“Wait, you…you don’t remember last night?”Oh God, please don’t let this be happening…

Bash’s face contorted a bit, like he was scraping his memory for anything familiar. “I think…I remember getting there and saving you from that Lex douche, and then I remember us dancing, but…that’s kind of where it gets fuzzy. I have a weird memory of us fighting or something, but I don’t know what that would be about.”

I was struggling to breathe. My brain had glitched out and was laboring to make sense of what he was telling me. He didn’t remember? He didn’t remember any of the touches, kisses, or words we had said to each other? He forgot it all?Oh fuck, I am going to be sick…

“So…” I croaked, but I was having difficulty finding my voice. “So what was the last thing you remember exactly? Do you remember anything when we came back to my room?” I held my breath, praying to any God that would hear me to not let this be happening to me, to us.

Bash’s eyebrows crashed together and he looked at me through foggy eyes that seemed slightly unfocused. “The last thing I really remember was dancing with you and pulling you out of the house. I kind of recall sitting on the couch, but after that it’s a blank. Did I…did I call you “baby” when we were dancing?” he warily asked.

I tried my hardest not to let the desolation I felt sweep across myface, so in an effort to hide it from him I scrubbed my hand over my face and turned on my back to face the ceiling. “Umm…yeah, you did, but it’s not a big deal,” I told him. “You were pretty wasted, so I figured it was just the alcohol.”

I was excruciatingly aware of the nausea creeping up my throat at the turn this conversation took, and I was using all my mental energy to make sure I didn’t vomit in bed.That would be a fun one to explain to him.

“Oh shit, M&M, I’m so sorry if I made you uncomfortable…fuck, you know I run off at the mouth when I drink sometimes. Was that what our fight was about?” Bash asked with genuine concern and remorse coloring his words.

Oh fuck, I couldn’t do this. I launched off the bed and ran into my bathroom, slamming the door behind me and barely making it to the toilet before the contents of my stomach came up violently. My body was wracked with the force behind it, and I broke down in quiet tears, hoping against hope he couldn’t hear my sobs. After I dragged myself to my feet and rinsed out my mouth in the sink, an apprehensive knock came at the bathroom door.

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