Page 44 of A Dawn Of Blood

I pick myself up and stand straight, staring her down completely unfazed. She’s trying to get to me once again, but she’s wrong if she thinks she’ll succeed. “You reallydidtake that challenge seriously?” I ask.

She shrugs. “I guess I liked you more when you were… less zen.”

I narrow my eyes at her knowingly. “Isthatit?” I ask with a fake smile.

My snarkiness only earns me another violent attack on my memories.

This time, she lingers on this one momentafterone of the experiments. It makes my eyes round and my breathing falter. I’d completely forgotten about this.

I’m lying in my four-poster bed, watching my mother walk inside and softly close the door behind her. As always, like a ghost of a woman, she pads over and lies next to me. For a while, there’s only silence. Then, for the first time since it started happening, I start talking about it. I don’t remember exactly what I say. I only remember her turning to me, putting her palmon my cheek and shushing me. Life isn’t fair, she tells me, but at least we have our stories. For a moment, I stay quiet. Then I shove it all down. After all, there will come a day when I will be out of this house, which is not something that can be said about my mother. It’s not that he loves her. I don’t think he loves anyone but himself. But he will never let her go. So I start stroking her hair and telling her one of her favorite stories.

“I’m changing my theory,” I hear de Groot say as soon as she leaves my mind. “I think it was your mother’s lack of reaction that made you so distrustful.”

I’m still on the floor, more shaken up this time. “It was a long time ago,” I say in a cracked voice as I lift myself up.

I find her smirking at me. “Yet it still hurts.”

I throw her a fake smile. “Sounds like you’re speaking from experience.”

This time, I almost manage to fight her off, but she’s too clever and skilled for me.

While she looks for more examples of the memory she’d just intruded on, I have to grit my teeth and ball my fists to stop myself from screaming, but I remain standing, looking at her, present in the moment.

“It’s no wonder you’re still haunted by it,” she tells me when she steps away, my muscles instantly relaxing. “It’s the saddest thing of all — to be betrayed by the one you depend on for protection. I imagine it can be quite hard to insist on believing in sunshine and rainbows with a background like that.”

The words sting so much, I fail to stop myself from engaging in her twisted little game. “My mother meant no harm. She was just a weak, wounded person,” I say through gritted teeth.

She lets out a laugh. “It wouldn’t surprise me to hear you felt that way before you saw her behavior for what it was, butnow?”

My jaw clenching, I get in her face. “I think you’re getting ahead of yourself, thinking you’re getting to know me. Need Iremind you, in my many lifetimes, I’ve had many mothers and many fathers. I’ve known much worse than what you saw in my mind right now.”

To my great annoyance, she remains cool as a cucumber, only quirking an eyebrow at me. “You’re getting emotional,” she tells me in a voice that carries feigned concern. “May I suggest we continue some other time?”

Chapter 32

The following day, I have another date with Dryden. I’ve been feeling confused about not getting any closer to him, so I try to speed up the process.

I try to share.

I try to gethimto share.

I even try to find something he’s prickly about to pick a fight.

Nothing makes me feel any closer to him.

So by the time we’re wrapping the date up and he’s walking me back to my room, my mind is buzzing in search of more things I could try.

“Maybe we could elope next time,” he says, smiling, when we come to a stop in front of my door.

“Um, sure.”

He squints at me. “What’s wrong?”

I raise my eyebrows at him, my heart starting to pound at the very thought that this might be that moment of connection. “What do you mean?” I whisper.

“There’s obviously something distracting you,” he replies, tilting his head at me with this soft look in his eyes.

And he’s just shown that he sees me, so why do I still feel so… disappointed?

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