Page 54 of A Dusk Of Stars

I let out a groan. It’s making me cringe even thinking about it, but did he go down on me because he wanted to or…? I don’t even know what other motive he’d have, but there’s one thing Idoknow — he not only didnottry to get some himself, he downright stopped me from giving it to him.

I press my palms into my face, trying to find comfort in complete darkness. Here I thought I had a problem when I was still only starting to fantasize about him.

Outside, the sky is growing lighter, the birds are chirping and I’m even starting to hear the students’ chatter.

The pit of despair in my chest only grows deeper, when the following question manages to grab my attention — why and how did being with him like that feel better than anything I’ve ever experienced before?

Gods, I’ve never felt desire so powerful, deeper than just physical.

That’s probably just what it’s like for a shifter, right?

Of course it is. Why would it be different for me than it is for anyone else?

Just the possibility that I’m developing actual feelings for this man, it keeps me alert well after the sun rises.

It’s only once my stomach starts rumbling that I get up. Enough is enough, I tell myself.

As if waking from a dream, I come to stand in front of the window. I definitely need to figure out what happened to me with Bane tonight, but I’ve managed to mess everything else up as well.

I’ve had enough of all my crap.

First, I need to go back to being a decent living being and find Raven so I can give her the apology that I’ve owed her for the last two weeks.

***

It’s in the cafeteria that I find the two of them. I stop as soon as I spot them, but I don’t let myself linger on the shame.

I take a deep breath and walk right over to them. It throws me off a little, when Alaric stops talking, Raven puts her spoon down and they both look up to stare at me.

I let out an awkward laugh. “I just thought you looked too happy and needed to see someone you hate, you know, to balance things out.”

I want to slap myself for being such an idiot, but then I see Raven turn to Alaric with confusion on her face. “Is this sarcasm, Alaric?”

Alaric just presses his lips tight, throws daggers at me and says, “I don’t think I care what it is, not after what she did to you.”

I open my mouth to say I understand, only to have Raven beat me to it. “Alaric,” she tells him with a frown, “I think I already told you that she didn’tmeanto hurt me.”

It all throws me off. It’s so subtle, just likesheis, but this is the angriest I’ve ever seen her.

“In fact,” she continues as she throws a hesitant glance at me, “it could be said she was protecting herself from me.”

“What do you mean?” Alaric demands.

There’s a moment of silence during which Alaric just frowns at the two of us and my mind buzzes in fear that she’ll be going into more detail about what happened.

She doesn’t. “It doesn’t matter,” she says in a firm voice. “I think we should all just move on.”

Alaric doesn't seem to agree, at least judging by the way he looks at me. Neither do I for that matter.

I throw myself into the chair opposite to them and I let everything pour out of me. “Look,” I start, fixing my eyes on Raven and not letting her look away, “I’m sorry. Whatever happened back there, Raven, I still ended up hurting you. I honestly don’t know what’s going on with me, but whatever it is, it’s no excuse for any of my actions. I’ve already started working on fixing it and I’ll keep working on it until I’m no longer a threat to anyone around me. So if you could find it in your heart to forgive me, I’d be eternally grateful to you.”

I let out a heavy breath and lean back in the chair, waiting for the reaction.

“Of course I forgive you, Anna,” Raven says in a soft voice.

It makes me warm around the heart, the look she’s throwing me. “Thanks,” I force myself to articulate it. “You don’t know how much that means to me.” I get up. “I'll be leaving you to it,” I say as I give them both a smile.

I'm already turning around when I hear Alaric start, “I mean…”

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