Page 126 of A Dusk Of Stars

He lets out a groan.This is not the way, you insufferable idiot. Even if she were a different woman, which she’s not.

That doesn’t stop me, but the look in her eyes when I get closer does. I quickly move out of the way so she doesn’t spot me, but I’ve seen the face she makes when she’s soldiering on.

My mind floods with some of my favorite images of her. Her eyes narrowing at me, that pensive look that makes me imagine worlds hidden beneath the surface, her face flushing like it does when I'm about to make her come…

Then there’s the Sleeping Beauty one. The way she looked when I caught her sleeping at the Service Desk in the Library, her face all scrunched up and a drop of drool trickling downher chin. I never thought cuteness could reach such downright maddening levels.

It was one in a long series of moments that should’ve signaled to me exactly how far gone I was.

That’s just a reason to calm down, go to her and try to talk things through.

“No, because each and every one of those was a stab to the heart too. Because every one of those images comes with an image of her running away from me, or worse, looking at me with contempt.”

My fox stays silent.

I feel myself start to unravel. “I can’t do it without her.”

I know. She did reject us, but it’s not over yet.

“Yes, it is. Do you know why? Because she’s right in this just as she’s right in everything else. She’s right to hate me. I’m a selfish,hatefulman. I deserve to find my mate only to realize she’d never want to be with me.”

None of that is her fault.

“No, it’s not. She deserves so much more than that. She deserves to be happy. Even if it’s with someone else.”

I turn to walk away just as her boyfriend goes to grab a drink.

I can’t stop the urge. I follow him, seemingly nonchalantly. I wait for a good moment, zero in on the hand he places on the stool in front of the bar as he waits for the drinks, I suck the lights out and I break his fingers as I stroll past him, switching the lights back on as I hear a muffled scream.

What about your newfound maturity?my fox asks.

“Well, I’m not a fucking saint.”

Feeling just as fucked up as I did a moment ago, I turn on my heel and decide to leave the party altogether.

Just as I start going back, I spot her again, talking with Serra.

This feeling overwhelms me. This bad, bad feeling.

She’s getting herself in danger again.

I start marching over to her.

Now what are you doing?

“Explaining some things to her. Whatever it is she’s about to do, she’s not doing it. Not onmywatch.”

She doesn’t like it when you try to boss her around like that. You need to restrain yourself.

“For months on end,” I spit out, “I’ve been doing nothingbutrestraining myself, respecting every decision she ever made, even those that were nothing but running to her own death. How long am I expected to live in fear like this? So yeah, I’ll be throwing her over my fucking shoulder if I have to. She can kick and thrash to her heart's desire, she won’t surprise me this time.”

Don’t make a scene. You know she’ll hate you for it.

My lips curl into a smile. “You’re right. Thank you, you’ve given me a much better idea. I’m past the point of trying to ‘discuss’ things with her anyway.”

I take my phone out and dial Colin’s number.

What are you doing, boy?

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