Page 72 of A Dusk Of Stars

I’m sitting in the bathroom stall, staring at the tiles in front of me when I ask, “Did you know about this?”

It surprises me, when she actually replies.I did. And so did you.

“Tell me what’s going on,” I order. “What is that thing I do when I touch people, what are those visions I keep having, and why is all this so difficult for me?”

She lets out a laugh.Sure. Just tell me what happened to your last incarnation.

At this, I feel such a violent rush of guilt, shame and pain that I can barely breathe. I put my arms around myself and grit my teeth. “How am I supposed to know that?” I finally squeeze out.

You could if you wanted to.

“Why are you like this?” I ask, this desperation starting to suffocate me. “What have I done to you?”

It almost makes me jump up, when she snarls,You know what you did, child. You just don’t want to admit it to yourself.

For a moment, I stay silent, my breathing heavy and my face flushed. “You’d rather watch me get myself killed than talk to me?”

She lets out a scoff.What does it matter? You’ll just get reborn again.

“It doesn’t work like that,” I grit out. “It doesn’t make death any less scary.”

It’s in a voice dripping with mocking poison that she replies,I know.

And with that, she slinks back into the shadows, leaving me sitting there in absolute silence, fighting not to start crying.

***

It’s in a haze that I step out of the bathroom, finding only Bane left waiting for me, standing in the middle of the landing with his arms folded. Good. It’s him and only him I want to talk to right now. Still, I ask, “Where did they go?”

“You took longer than you think,” he says as he watches me approach with this caution in his eyes. There’s no reprimand or saltiness in his voice though. He’s just stating a fact. “They said they’ll see you after the winter break, eight AM sharp.” He lowers his arms to his sides. “Listen—”

“Is there anything you can do to make my wolf talk to me?” I cut in, the desperation threatening to gnaw its way out of me. “There are questions I need answering and she’s refusing to answer them.”

For a moment, he just looks at me, something flashing through his eyes. “I understand,” he starts slowly, “but it’s never a good idea to try toforceyour animal into anything, so if she doesn’t want to talk to you…”

The desperation gnaws its way a little closer to the surface. “What do you think about all this?” I ask.

I don’t know what it is, but I needsomethingfrom him and I need to get itbeforethe cracks start showing.

He takes a deep breath, his jaw clenching. “What do I think? I think you should put it out of your head and go straight to bed.”

“Put it out of my head?” I echo with a frown. “That’s the only thing Ican’tdo.”

“Well do it anyway,” he replies forcefully. Then he relaxes a bit and leans a little closer, seeming to hesitate before he says, “You’re struggling as it is and if you start—”

“Got it, thanks,” I coldly cut him off, needing him to shut up as quickly as possible. I only register his eyebrows shooting up before I tear my eyes away from him and take a step back, fighting to keep my cool because of the burning pain the words cause me.

Struggling as it is...

“I only meant to say you have enough on your plate,” I hear him say with this caution in his voice, but now, all I want is to get away from him as quickly as possible.

I have to force myself to look him in the eye again and put on a smile. “No, you’re absolutely right. I’ll be going straight to bed,” I lie. “Thanks for the advice and good night.”

He’s very obviously not buying it, his frown only growing deeper, but I just throw him a nod, turn on my heel and start moving out of the Tower.

When I sense him fall into step with me, I shoot him a look, to which he says, “I’ll walk you to the Tower.”

“I need to be alone right now,” I say in the lightest voice I can muster.

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