Page 39 of A Dusk Of Stars

Goddamn it, why is this so hard to remember?

I know the answer though. It’s because I’ve never experienced it.

While I’m trying to remember, I fix my eyes ahead, at the students going through the main Library door.

It’s then that I spot Bane, entering with one of the vampire professors, chatting and going straight for the reading area. He doesn’t look in our direction and I just keep following him with my eyes, my eyebrows pulling down.

It suited me a lot better, that first month or so when you couldn’t see him comenearthe Library, let alone get inside. Nowhe’s a regular, coming at least a couple of times a week, either alone on his calls or in company of some professor or other, but whenever he comes, there comes a point when I have to go over to tell him to keep his voice down.

Even now, watching the two of them stop walking so the vampire professor can grab a few books, I can already tell I’ll have to intervene, because their chatter is growing louder by the second.

“Anna?” Raven’s voice snaps me out of it.

“Yeah?” I ask as I turn to look at her, feeling as if I’ve been caught doing something I shouldn’t be doing.

“How does an unsuccessful shift affect the body?” she repeats the question.

“Ah yes,” I say. But nothing comes to mind.

“It’s—”

“No, please,” I cut her off. “Let me just think for a second longer.”

Then my eyes get drawn in Bane’s direction again, and I see him still standing there, chatting with the other professor, but now he’s casually leaned against the side of the bookshelf with his arms folded, and it all makes me unable to tear my eyes away — the confidence in the way he holds himself, the way his shirt sleeves are rolled up to reveal his muscled forearms.

“I think you’re beat, Anna,” I hear Alaric say. My eyes snap to him. “And you’re the only one who really wants to study.” He lets out a little sigh and starts packing his stuff up. “I think we should get going, don’tyou, Raven?”

“Sorry, you two,” I say as they both get up.

“Don’t worry about it, Anna,” Raven replies. “Get some rest.”

“It’s the middle of the day,” I protest with a laugh. “And besides, there’ll be no rest for me until tomorrow.”

“Bloody hell,” Alaric says with a roll of his eyes, “you’refailingthe shifting exam, how is it that you’re not seeing that?”

I raise my eyebrows at him.

“Alaric,” Raven warns him.

He shrugs, but heisa little sorry when he grumbles, “What? I mean, what’s the point in denying the truth? The sooner she makes peace with it, the better. I’m only trying to be a good friend.”

“Thanks for your undying support,friend,” I tell him in a playfully scolding voice.

The two of us laugh and Raven seems confused, but Alaric just nudges her to follow him.

I watch them leave, then throw a glance in the direction of Bane and his professor friend.

I don’t find them there. I turn my focus back onto the pile of books in front of me, half-expecting to hear his voice drift over to me.

Minutes go by and nothing happens, and I find myself all alone with my thoughts of tomorrow. The dreaded midterm exam, for which I’ve been preparing by going to the gym every single day.

Despite the weight I carry in my hips and on my stomach, I could always hold my own in physical activities. With these training sessions, I can notice my body becoming more toned, but it doesn’t make me feel any better, just thinking about the possibility of embarrassing myself in front of Professor Ahearn and the rest of the Shapeshifting Studies class.

I keep trying to read to at least pass the Foundational exam, but it’s so warm and quiet here in the Library and soon I start feeling my eyelids drop, my mind filling with images of animals attacking me, people laughing at me, and a hot asshole with his sleeves rolled up looking at me with eyes that are like burning flames.

***

I wake up to the sound of someone loudly clearing their throat. Damn it, I think as I rush to peel my face off the Service Desk, pushing myself up with the palms of my hands.

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