Page 192 of House of Lilith

But his reasons don’t matter. There’s nothing more to be said, so I’m refusing to be forced into going through yet another goodbye. Which is why the only thing that makes sense right now is making sure I never see him again. So I’ll just stay here, in my bed, until well after five, and then I’ll leave myself.

And I can barely feel the gratitude for having survived and already feeling, physically at least, as if nothing ever happened. Because I’m in for the worst summer ever, a summer of heartbreak on all fronts.

But maybe it’s for the best, I conclude as my eyes land on my desk, in which I’m hiding the plans I devised after my last visit to Vasilisa. I have work to do, and as she herself said…

Love is only an urge that’s best overcome, isn’t it?

It’s at that exact moment that I hear a soft knock at the door, and I smell Hilde standing on the other side.

Hilde, the only constant in all of this, I think to myself with a sad smile. Hilde, who I can barely look in the eye without shame threatening to swallow me whole. Apologize, I need to apologize to her, as soon as this is over.

“Come in,” I say.

And she does. “Hi, Nyx,” she says a little tentatively. “You’re looking good as new.” She comes to stand in front of my bed. “Is there anything I can bring you or help you with?”

“No, thank you, Hilde,” I reply as I glance at the clock above the mantelpiece opposite me, seeing it’s ten to five already. I turn my eyes back onto her. “Do you think you could come back a little later?”

She just looks at me for a second, then comes to sit on my bed with this serious look on her face.

Fuck.

“I know you probably won’t want to talk about this,” she starts in a somber voice, “but I’m just going to come out and say it.”

“Can we do it later?” I plead. “Complete with my apology to you and everything. Just a bit later, please, Hilde.”

She looks deeper into my eyes, making me frown. “Look, Nyx, Iknow,” she finally says.

“What?”

“I know what happened before the Fourth Game,” she replies, making me push myself up in my bed, my ears burning and my frown growing deeper. “See, I saidbefore, so you should know I’m telling the truth.”

Why won’t anyone let it be, I think with gritted teeth. Why can’t they seeI just want to forget?

“Well,” I spit out, bitterness flooding my mouth, “I’m so happy for you, Hilde, that you finally got yourself that piece of hot goss you wanted so much.”

For a second, she just frowns at me. “You think I came here to judge you? Isthatwhy you never told me anything?”

“How did you find out?” I demand.

She shrugs, albeit a little hesitantly. “I may have done something I’m not particularly proud of.”

Max. She used her Mind Magic on Max.

“I was worried about you, Nyx,” she insists. “Seriouslyworried. And you weren’t telling me anything.”

So she went and found out about me getting ‘railed in a filthy classroom’, as Max put it.

“And you thought you had the right to snoop?” I demand. “Huh?”

Of course, it’s me, myself and I that I’m actually mad at, for having been that person myself not too long ago.

“Yes,” Hilde insists. “I’m not exactly proud, but things got enough out of hand for me to decide that, yes, I do.”

I shake my head at her. “Hilde,” I say in an exasperated near whisper. “I used Blood Magic on you and I threatened to cut off your fingers.”

“You did, yeah,” she says flatly. “And? What, you were planning on actually doing it? Please.” This last word she drawls mockingly.

“No, but seriously,” I insist. “Why are you wasting even a smidge of your energy on me?” I feel myself start to get emotional. “Can’t you see I’m not someone you should care about?”

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