Page 160 of House of Lilith

I walk up to the bed and I open the first one. An assortment of luxury bath salts with a note saying, “Anastasya, darling, my sincerest thanks for helping with Nikolay’s birthday. Love, Mother.”

For a second, it leaves me confused, that she’d do something as thoughtful as this. Then it hits me. She’s only looking to get me in a good mood for tonight.

Because she’s invited Max, of course.

And when I open the second present, there it is. The box of custom-made chocolates, this time all in the shape of cute little cupcakes, with the note saying, “Looking forward to seeing you tonight, cupcake. Love, Max.”

I throw it on the pile with his other presents. Stuck in a haze, I haven’t replied to any of his little notes so far. It’s been two weeks since our last conversation, the one right after the Fourth Game. But instead of figuring out how I feel about it all, I’ve only gotten more confused.

As I keep looking at the presents, like a charm, the numbness starts to take over. Ever since it all happened, I haven’t been able to find meaning in anything that mattered to me before, this hollowness following me wherever I go. And I’ve actually been welcoming it, the nothingness growing inside me, swallowing up the issues of the broken engagement, the family’s status, the land…

So I tear my eyes away from the presents, I breathe a sigh of relief and I go to get under the shower, put on my training clothes and move on with my day.

*

Wearing tights and a training bra that can pass for a top, I rush down the stairs and into the Common Room, where both Nikolay and Hilde are having their morning coffee in our spot.

I take a deep breath and I walk up to them, rummaging through my bag to get the present.

“Morning, Nyx,” Hilde greets me with the now habitual excessively warm tone loaded with unspoken questions.

As usual, I ignore it. “Morning, Hilde,” I say, joylessly but politely, as I hold the present out to my brother. “Happy birthday, Nick,” I breathe out, going soft at the last second and choosing the nickname instead of the full name.

Itishis special day after all.

And I see him hesitate for a second, but wearemoving away from not speaking with each other at all. So he takes the present in his hand and says, “Thank you, Anastasya.”

And he does make a point of using my full name and being a little cold, but then a little smile tugs at his lips, and just as I lower myself into my armchair, he gives the present back and adds, a little less coldly this time, “I’ll be taking my presents in the evening.” He clears his throat, a flash of excitement flicking through his eyes. “I want them all in one giant pile, you know?”

“Of course,” I say, feeling Hilde’s eyes on me and having to fight the urge to shoot her a nasty look.

But it’s then that I notice my brother’s in his regular clothes. “I thought I’d find you in a suit?” I ask, frowning a little.

That seems to confuse him. He cranes his neck to look out the window, saying, “Isn’t it early fucking morning?”

“Of course it is, silly,” I hear Hilde say.

“The meeting, Nikolay,” I remind him, without looking at Hilde, my voice a little harsher than I’d like it. “About the land.”

I guess there’s still a part of me that cares.

“Ah,” he says as he turns to throw me a little squint. And we’re back to being cold. “Got pushed a little,” he explains as he starts to avoid my eye. “No big deal. We’re a quick signature away.”

And he rubs his temples a little, the way he’s been doing ever since he got attacked by the Archon, despite no actual damage having been done.

But it works. Makes me feel bad. And Ihavedecided to finally let the family take care of the whole thing anyway, so I say, “Great,” a little more warmly. “Sounds great.”

“Great,” he echoes as he turns his eyes back onto me, his gaze lingering and searching for a second before it softens.

“I just have to say I’m so happy for you all,” Hilde says and I turn to look at her, trying my hardest not to straight out ignore her despite her entire fucking being having become so grating to me, it’s one of the few things that can snap me out of my numbness.

“Thanks, Hilde,” I force myself to say.

“Hey, sis,” Nikolay starts, surprising me with the pet name.

I nudge him to talk.

“You going to Byrne’s class later?”

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