Page 79 of House of Lilith

I nod, however hesitantly.

“Anastasya, what exactly did I do, hm?” he asks as he pulls away, a frown creasing his forehead again. “You told me I can’t be ordering you around and I told you I’d respect that.”

The words send my mind buzzing.

“And?” he demands. “Was I ordering you around?”

For a second, I stay tongue tied. “No,” I finally say.

And I see him relax, but I fail to stop myself from insisting, still feeling the same kind of embarrassment he put me through the night Professor Onas got killed.

“But you did tell meyou’dbe taking care of it,” I tell him, gently, “and you did decide there’s someone I won’t be seeing anymore without even talking to me about it.”

I pause to look deeper into his eyes, to make that connection. “Don’t you understand we can’t do it like that? If we’re to be married, especially if we’re to be a ruling couple, we have to be in ittogether, but at the same time, you also have to let me deal with my own shit,on my own.”

“And when I see you’re not?” he protests, throwing his hands up in frustration. “I can’t even get involved? Is that what you’re asking of your future husband? To not care? Do you think that’s normal?”

For a second, his words render me speechless. “No, of course not,” I finally blurt out. And I still feel this resistance, but I’m no longer so sure of myself when I say, “But that’s not what I meant. That’s not the problem here.”

He just looks at me for a second. “Fine,” he then says, throwing me a warm smile as he comes to stand closer. “We’ll just pretend today didn’t even happen. Would that fix it, cupcake?”

And he takes my wrist in his, raising his eyebrows at me.

For a second, I hesitate, wishing with all my heart I could just say yes.

But his fix doesn’t change what hurts most of all, I think as my eyes dart to my wrist in his hand.

You’ve fucking ruined yourself.

Gritting my teeth, I try to break free.

He doesn’t let me. He only tightens the grip, turning my palm up and looking down at the scars. I have to fight the need to squirm. “Hey,” he asks as he looks up at me again, “you know I didn’t mean any of that?”

“I don’t,” I say flatly, but not without hesitation.

“Well, I didn’t,” he leans to whisper in my ear. “You know I love you, cupcake. You’re perfect just the way you are.”

I wait for him to pull away. “Except for the scars.”

He shakes his head. “That’s nothing.”

“You don’t mean that,” I say, a tinge of hopefulness in my voice.

“Oh yes, I do,” he replies with a smile, looking deep into my eyes as he wraps his arms around me. “I just got so worried when I saw what you were doing today. You know how dangerous Blood Magic is. It takes a certain type of person to be able to handle it.”

The words sting, but I dismiss them. And his voice is so tender and loving when he says, “And I just don’t want you getting hurt with no fucking reason except showing off. You do understand that?”

For a second, I just stare into his eyes. And that resistance doesn’t dissipate, not entirely, but I feel my own gaze soften as I nod. “Of course, Max,” I say in a much gentler voice.

That seems to make him happy. He throws me a grin, lets go of me and claps his hands, looking deep into my eyes. “Now, won’t you let me give you a present?” he asks as he rummages for something in his waistcoat pocket.

What he produces nearly blinds me. It’s a pendant on a black silk strap, an elaborate aged-silver frame with a large diamond, the biggest I’ve ever seen.

“It was my grandmother’s,” he says as he walks around me to put it around my neck. “I thought it’d go with your eyes.” He fastens it and comes to look at me with a smile. “And it does. It’s a play of light and darkness.”

Absent-mindedly, I walk up to the mirror and raise my fingers to the diamond, feeling its smooth, cold surface.

When I look at Max’s reflection, I see his eyebrows shoot up and his smile grow bigger as he tilts his head, waiting for something.

---