Page 114 of House of Lilith

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The more the day goes on, the more untethered and desolate I get. And I don’t really want to go visit the crazy portrait lady, but an hour before I’m supposed to start getting ready for the dinner, I still find myself climbing the stairs to the top of the tower.

It’s been a week since I was last here, I think as I close the door to the painting room behind me. And there’s a part of me that expects it all to be gone, but there she is, still looking at me from the canvas, as silent and subservient as ever.

I slide down to the floor, resting my back on the door.

And for a second, I just look at her, missing the time I only ever came here to wallow in my misery.

If that were still the case, I’d tell her exactly why the very thought of my birthday dinner makes me miserable. I’d talk about the looks they’ll be throwing me now that I’m no longer to become Princess, making me fearful for my future. I’d describe the dress Mother’s making me wear and admit it makes me feel like the worst fucking person in the world, that I sometimes wishshewas the one who died instead of Father.

So of course it makes me feel sad, thinking about no longer being able to tell her about this. After all, it’s stuff I have no one to talk to about.

But it makes me angry, not sad, when this morning’s training session pops into my head, for the millionth time today.

I don’t know why it bothers me this much, but there’s this burning need to figure out what the hell that was all about.

Because Iknowit was bullshit, what he told me about his fox not liking noblewomen. Or was it?

No, itwas, I tell myself.

And I knowexactlywhat really happened. It just comes as a surprise because, so far, I’ve somehow managed to avoid even thinking about it.

He told me not to come while they’re training because he’s a fucking player and I’m not his only toy, not even at the moment.

And somewhere on that training ground, I think to myself as my mind conjures up the image of the girl with the highlights, he had some other girl he’s seeing watching them fight.

It’d make a lot of sense, I argue as this sinking feeling overwhelms me, it’d make a lot of sense to keep your fuck buddies from interacting with each other.

Sighing out loud, I let my head fall back and rest on the door, my eyes fixing on Lady X at an angle. It makes her seem even more delicate and inconsequential.

It makes me grit my teeth, decide to stop with the pity session and get up off the floor.

And Ireallydon’t want to talk to this woman right now and I don’t even really need to. After all, at the moment, there are no tensions at the Academy, and the Box is no longer without a Guardian.

But the Third Game is tomorrow and even if nothing bad happens for the rest of the school year, I still have so many questions.

So I force myself to take a step closer, clear my throat and call out, “Vasilisa.”

It makes me stiffen, when she slinks out of the painting and tilts her head at me. “Well hello, little great-great-granddaughter.”

Despite being prepared to see her, it still renders me speechless, how absolutely fucking scary she looks.

She takes a step closer, seemingly enjoying my silence. “Have you done what I asked of you?”

I make myself snap out of it. “It’s been done bysomeone, sure.”

She appears right in front of me, her hand once again grabbing my wrist, pain shooting through my entire arm. “No one taught you how to give a straight answer, girl?”

“I didn’t have to do anything,” I rush to say, cursing myself for being this stupid again. “By the time I was done with you, the Academies had already chosen the new Guardian.”

“Perfect,” she says happily, releasing me from her grip. “Now all you need to do is keep an eye on them.”

I just look at her for a second, rubbing my wrist. “I can’t do that,” I say with a shake of my head.

She leans against the wall and lets out an annoyed little scoff. “Is there anything youcando?”

“Things are fine right now,” I protest. “And the new Guardian is the Fiain Academy Archon. I’d have no excuse for sniffing around her.”

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