Page 21 of Bound By Obsession

I pause by the back door, growing frustrated when I’m spun out of sight of the windows. Axel crowds me against the wall, yanking his T-shirt over his head, sexy-boy style. I forget what we’re doing, my mouth going dry of salt water until he whips my top upwards too. I cringe, slamming my eyes shut. Axel has seen my torso before, but it doesn’t lessen the rush of anguish clawingat me. Dry, soft cotton, enriched with his citrusy scent is pulled over my head. It takes everything in me not to fall into Axel’s chest.

Anyone else would have said I was being stupid. To grow a pair and stop worrying about wet clothing. But not Axel. He knows the sight of my body repulses me. How I despise myself so much, I don’t even look in the mirror after a shower. No matter how many tattoos I cover my pathetic, scrawny body in, I can’t unsee it. I can’t stand it.

“Why-” I start to ask and hastily shut myself down. Shaking my head, I blink a few times, kiss Axel’s cheek and rush to get inside. I hear his sigh follow me, and sink my teeth into my bottom lip. I can’t go around asking questions that will lead to trouble. Questions like,why the fuck do you tolerate me? Why do you even care?I’m purposely an asshat to prevent anyone from caring.

Snapping back to the Garrett I allow the world to see, I salute Huxley in the kitchen. He’s put himself on inventory duty in the form of a pen and notepad, searching through the cupboards and noting what supplies we have. I suppose there’s not enough for five extra people, and especially not enough for me.

I locate our bags in a heap on the living room floor. Shouldering mine, I head upstairs. I had toyed with the idea of invading the space of others, but maybe instead I should pick a room for myself and see if anyone comes creeping into my bed in the dead of night. I might be pleasantly surprised or majorly let down. Only time will tell.

Opening the door of my selected room, I frown at the floral blue suitcase upon the bed, surrounded by stacks of folded clothes. A woman walks in from the bathroom, jumping and gripping her chest in fright at the six-foot, dripping wet man filling her doorway. A floaty peach skirt with a high-slit sits ather waist, a tightly fitted white top with brown waves lying on her shoulders.

“Holy crap, you scared me!” She flinches hard. I watch her find composure, my face blank. Licking her lips, the woman attempts to smile. A fake one, I might add. “It’s Garrett, right? I’ve just met your friends; I didn’t realize Avery was bringing all of you.” I shrug with one shoulder, leaning against the door frame.

“And you are?” My raised brow and standoffish stance seems to shock her. A pink tinge lights her cheeks, her throat bobbing a few times. I’ve never seen someone struggle so hard to remember who they are.

“Oh, I’m Keren,” she offers a slender hand. I shake it once. “I’m…”

“Garrett, leave Meg’s mom alone,” Dax pats my back on the way past. I thought he might be going somewhere, but he just walks from one end of the hallway to the other. He paces for a moment longer, and then takes a second set of stairs to the third floor where I saw Avery standing earlier.Typical. Turning back to Meg’s mom, I notice a toothbrush and paste clutched in her hand.

“Are you leaving?” I ask, trying not to sound too hopeful. This is the biggest room with the best view. She smiles sadly, opening the suitcase to pack the items spread across the mattress with expert organization.

“I’m afraid so. Nixon thinks it’s best that I return to keep up appearances - act normal.” Her tone suggests she doesn’t believe him. First Huxley, now Keren. I wonder how many members of the Distrust Nixon club we’d need before making it an official gang. I’d join just for the matching jackets.

“Well, I have no idea what you’re talking about, but I call dibs on your room.” I saunter inside, setting the black duffel bags by the bay window. Axel is back out on the beach, havingremoved his shoes and socks to wander along the water’s edge. Smart man. He repeatedly runs a hand over his head, meaning he is deep in thought, worrying or both. I’ll beckon him up here shortly and help him forget about any concerns that might be troubling him.

“Ahh,” Keren says beside me, making it my turn to flinch. Sneaky little devil. “I know that look. How long have you two been a couple?” I choke on my own inhale, spluttering and spinning around to face away from the delicious view.

“Oh, no, no. I don’t do monogamy.” I state gruffly. Deciding to help fit the rest of her clothes into her bag, I haphazardly move this conversation swiftly along.

“And why is that?” Keren tilts her head, not bothered that I’m crinkling her perfectly folded skirts. Call it clarity or the chance to put the bullshit aside for once, I find the answer easier than expected.

“I suppose the notion of being tied to one person for the entirety of my life is ridiculous to me. People are constantly changing. Whoever I may or maynotfall in love with now won’t be the same person in five, ten years. No one will stick with me for that long anyway.” Zipping her suitcase closed, I place it onto the wooden floor.

“Does being with Axel make you feel trapped?” Her brown eyes pierce my skull, reading my thoughts.

“Well, no but he’s…,” I chew on my lip for the second time in the last ten minutes. “Axel is precious. Far too special for someone like me to keep dragging him down. He has a chance to be free of his past traumas. I’ll never escape mine.”

“You’re right,” Keren nods slowly. My brows shoot up. No one ever agrees with me so easily. “You do seem far too damaged for a relationship. It must be terrifying to know people are constantly changing when you seem adamant to stay exactly as you are. Axel will outgrow you quickly.”

My chest halts mid-breath. I stare into Keren’s brown eyes, a fierce wave of resentment washing over me. I resent every fucking thing she just said. Kicking the wheeled bag towards her, it halts at her feet, my intentions clear that she has overstayed her welcome. I’m not a gentleman by any stretch of imagination but I can’t stand people trying to worm their way into my head.

“You don’t even know me, and you sure as shit don’t know Axel. If there was someone I could see myself staying with, it would be him. But that’s not who I am and he knows that. It suits us both just fine.”

“Does it?” Keren doesn’t look convinced, twisting her head to the window. The defensive part of me wants to whip the curtains closed, blocking her view in fear she can psychoanalyze him from here. Fuck my own; Axel’s issues are sacred. I scoff to regain her attention.

“You know what, unpack your bag and stick around. I’ll show you. I can be whatever Axel wants me to be to him.” The words tumble from my tongue, punctuated by the thumping of my heart. The mere thought of staying in Axel’s life, of being worthy of him, is uncharted territory. I know he’d accept me without question, but I also know he wouldn’t push me away when I’m hurting him, and therein lies the problem.

“See, people are constantly changing,” Keren smirks whilst using my own words against me. “For some, it just takes a little push.” Taking the bag’s handle, Keren holds back her smile as she wheels the suitcase out of the room. I stand there, gut punched with revelations I can’t begin to understand, feeling like a complete simp. Three minutes of conversation and Keren has me reevaluating the walls I’ve spent years putting in place. Sneaky little devil indeed.

Elation is the last thing on my mind. I want to be happy, to hug my best friend tight and not let go. But her being here only brings more confusion. As soon as she ran up to me, with her windswept ponytail, tight fitting leggings and skin damp with sweat, I knew something wasn’t right. She didn’t just get here like the rest of us.

“Is he still in the water?” Meg asks from her perch on the bed. I don’t move a muscle, still standing in front of the large bay window, arms crossed and face tense. Although, my eyes refocus, searching for a bobbing head of dark hair in the sea beyond.

“No,” I answer stoically. Garrett must have left sometime between my dark thoughts taking over and the numbness creeping up my legs, pinning me in place.

The waves break steadily, pushing the crystal blue water to roll onto a blanket of sand. I wish I could have shared Garrett’s excitement and ran straight in with him. Instead, once again, I’m left feeling like I’m an outsider to my own life. The punchline of a private joke. When I came up here to seek solace in the tide, I only found a striking resemblance with the murky depths and unknown monsters lurking within.

Meg sighs heavily, shifting and approaching me cautiously as if I might jolt and make a run of it. “Aves, I’m just as clueless as you are right now.”

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