Page 27 of A Debt of Darkness

I rub my eyes. “I almost did.”

It feels like a confession. One I’m not ready to make.

“That doesn’t count. The bond isn’t complete. No wonder you’re so fucking tense. Fuck her and you’ll feel better. She’ll feel better. She’ll relax. You’ll enjoy it. She will too, if you allow her to.”

I get up and pour myself a brandy. I aerate it and take a sip, enjoying the burn as the cognac trickles down my throat.

“She’s a virgin, Ryan. I fed her blood and used venom. I couldn’t.”

His hands run through his hair and he stares at me like I’ve lost my mind. I have. Over her. I should have fucked her. I’ve never had qualms about using blood or venom before, even with innocents. Like every other vampire, I’ve been prepared to use every weapon in my arsenal to get what I want, whether that’s sex or a meal. Or both. Usually both.

But not with Ivy.

“I couldn’t take that choice from her, Ryan. She’s lost every other choice and I won’t take that one. It’s not…”

“Right? Normal? You?” Ryan tries to complete my sentence for me. “You’ve never let your pets dictate anything before now. The others won’t understand. I’m struggling to, if I’m honest.”

He’s not the only one.

I don’t understand why I’m being this soft with her. She’d be broken already if I was harsher, and I’d be rebuilding her into what I wanted. Ivy would be hurt, but I’d be putting her back together and comforting her, and we’d work. Instead, we’re still fighting because I’ve given her too much freedom and she won’t settle.

“I don’t either. I seem to want to protect her, more than anything. More than any other pet I’ve ever owned.” I take another mouthful of the brandy. “I want her to choose me. Freely.”

We sit in silence as Ryan pours himself a drink. I’ve known him long enough to discern his moods by the liquor he chooses. Whisky means it’s serious.

He’s right. The coven won’t like this. They won’t understand why a human has such a hold over me, even if she is my mate. She’s already vulnerable, and she’ll be in even more danger if they see her as a threat to their security. Worse, it might make others question my authority and leadership challenges are bloody, brutal, and unsettling.

“She needs to accept her place, Henry. This isn’t kind. It’s making her more miserable. Harder but shorter would be less cruel than this.”

“I’m aware of what I need to do.”

Ryan takes a large mouthful of whisky. “Then fucking do it. It’ll be kinder in the long run.” He stares at the water lily painting, hoping to find tranquility in its blue and aqua waters. “You could turn her now.”

“No.” I slam my glass on my desk.

I watch Ivy abandon her exercises and head for the bathroom. I switch feeds and my cock hardens as she strips and steps under the shower. I change to another camera and stare as the water cascades down her perfect body, dripping from her breasts and running over her ass and down her legs.

“It’s a solution.” Ryan watches me, guessing I’m watching Ivy. “Henry, I’ve never seen you on edge like this. You’re frazzled. You’re obsessing over her. It’s meant to be the other way around. She circles you. Unless she’s the dominant.”

“She’s not.”

“You’re acting like it. Like she controls you.”

I’d lash out at any other vampire. But Ryan and I have always been close and always given each other advice. Admittedly, Ryan’s walked the harder path and I’ve usuallygiven counsel, rather than received it.

At least he’s found someone who makes him happy now. Matt is good for Ryan, and Ryan’s good for Matt. Their constant fighting for dominance makes them an unusual pairing for vampires, but they seem happy to contend it. They alternate depending on who wins out or whose need trumps the other, finding their balance while their equilibrium is always in flux.

He's the best-placed person to give advice, but that doesn’t mean I like it. Or that I’ll let him question who’s the dominant partner.

I swirl the remnants of my brandy and watch Ivy run herself a bath. She doesn’t need one, but she’s bored and has limited options. She could be doing much more entertaining things if she wasn’t so fucking stubborn. With me. For me.

“She’s getting there, Ryan. I prefer doing this slowly with her. I want to drag this out and savor her struggles. It’ll make her submission more enjoyable.”

He knows this isn’t the only reason. He knows I don’t want to hurt her. Ryan knows I’m holding out in the hope she’ll turn of her own accord before I escalate and things become unpleasant.

“I’ll tell the coven you’re enjoying playing with her.”

I nod.

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