Page 59 of A Petal in the Crown

"How did you hold him off?" Lea asked, her heart picking up in rhythm. This was it. The information she needed to know if her plan could work.

Evangeline tucked her hair behind her ear. "I’d hoped this vision wouldn’t come true." Her words were sad. "That you would find another way."

"There is no other way." This time it was Lea who reached out and touched Evangeline, placing her hand on her mother’s forearm. "Please," she begged.

Evangeline looked down to where their skin touched, then nodded sadly. "I would simply push my magic outward as hard as I could, like I was trying to drain every bit from my body. It created a shield death couldn't get through. Not when I channeled every good thought I had into it. Fortified it with every bit of love and laughter and joy I had ever felt. I would think of you. Of Ryland." She cleared her throat. "I couldn't hold death off forever, of course. I would weaken, eventually, but in most cases, I could maintain the shield long enough to allow time to get a healer for whoever had been injured or ill."

"Our magic comes from the same place,"Lea said. "Do you think—"she stopped, clearing her throat. "Do you think I could do it? Again, I mean?"

"I think you can do anything."

"Because you're my mother?" Lea said, the first time she'd actually admitted those words out loud in front of her.

"No. Because I'veseenit. I haven't seen the how of it all, but I’ve seen flashes of the world with Alaric dead, you and Gray ruling a peaceful kingdom, magic restored to its rightful state… So that's really your plan, then?" Evangeline asked. "To try to hold death at bay as you steal Alaric’s magic? Because to get so close to death, to really know and understand what and who he is, Lea—it changes you. He never really leaves you again. Once you find him—feel him—he’ll lurk over your shoulder until the day he finally takes you."

A shiver ran down Lea’s spine, but even if the idea terrified her, it didn’t matter. She was running out of time and running out of options. The goddess had been clear that she wouldn’t be able to take Alaric’s magic and survive with it. That the universe wouldn’t allow anyone to hold that much power ever again. But if she could hold off death, maybe she could find a way to get rid of the magic. To return it to the earth, though she still didn’t know how that was possible without her death. At the very least, she would be able to hold death at bay long enough to stab Alaric through his heart.

"Why did you say you’d hoped this vision wouldn’t come true?" Lea asked, her words shaky.

Evangeline’s shoulders fell, and she pressed her lips together. "Because you don’t survive in it, Lea. My magic cannot hold off death forever. Neither can yours. This solution… He will still come for you."

"I know," Lea said. "I don’t need forever." She left it there, riding next to Evangeline in heavy silence for several moments.

"I'vespent my life trying to protect you," Evangeline finally said. "I don't know if I can be part of your plans to sacrifice yourself. You must keep searching for the answer. There’s a way for you to take his magic and not let it kill you. I’ve seen it. I just can’t seehow."

Lea bit her lip, holding back her retort. She was exhausted—tired of saying the same things again and again. If Alaric wasn't defeated, they would all die. Every last one of them. And worse, Lea would lose the chance to be with Gray beyond the veil.

"I know you've spent your life trying to protect me," Lea finally said. "And I’m grateful for it. I will keep trying to find another way, but please, understand I have people I love, too. It's my turn to protect them. Gray, Janelle, Erik, Thomas, Emma. My father, Nora, Elise. You…"

Evangeline choked back a sob, but Lea pushed forward.

"I will keep searching for another way. I don’twantto die. I don’twantto sacrifice myself. But I won’t be separated from Gray forever. Iwillkill Alaric before the final petal falls, even if it kills me, too. Can’t you understand that?"

Evangeline’s answering smile was sad. "I can. I would do anything to be with Ryland again…" Evangeline sniffled, wiping her nose on her sleeve before clearing her throat and straightening in her saddle. "I will help you. I won’t allow you to be separated from him, either. If it comes to it, I will help hold off death, and teach you to do the same. You have my word, as long as you promise me you’ll continue to search for another way."

"I swear it. Thank you," Lea’s words came out in a whoosh of emotion, and suddenly, she felt lighter. It wasn’t the perfect solution, but it was a solution. And for now, that had to be enough.

"Have you seen a way to get Gray to agree to this?" Lea asked, only half joking. He didn’t want to be separated after death any more than she did, but she knew Gray. Knew that he wouldn’t be able to see past her deathin this life. She couldn’t imagine a scenario where he would allow her to sacrifice herself again, even if it meant killing Alaric.

"Lea, Gray can’t know." Evangeline pulled back on the reins, pulling her horse to a stop just short of a sparkling waterfall.

"What? I can’t hide this from him. Not again. Not after what happened before." Lea’s chest tightened, her breaths becoming shallow with panic. She didn’t want to leave this life with secrets and regret. Didn’t want Gray to resent her. There had to be a way to make him understand. To get him to agree that unless they could find another way, this was their only option.

Evangeline shook her head. "Gray can’t know any of this. He can’t be with you when you battle Alaric. If he finds out your plan, hewillfollow you. I’ve seen it again and again. He will never allow you to sacrifice yourself."

"I can get through to him—"

"No. I’m sorry, my daughter. But you can’t. I promised you I wouldn’t allow you to be separated from Gray after death. Your bargain with the goddess is the only reason I’m agreeing to any of this—because I know you would suffer for eternity if you fail to kill Alaric." Evangeline paused, and she reached out to grab Lea’s hand. "I need you to listen carefully. Really listen, and understand what I'm saying. Gray can’t know of your plans, under any circumstance."

"Why? Why can’t he know?" Lea asked, her heart in shreds as she realized she already knew the answer.

"Because in every single vision where Gray is with you—in every single vision where he follows you—you fail."

Chapter 36

Lea

The waterfall roared as it rushed down the rocks and into the churning stream as they waited for the others to catch up. Lea couldn’t swallow down the knot in her throat or the nausea swirling in her stomach.

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