Page 58 of A Petal in the Crown

"What would you like to ask me? I have no secrets." Evangeline's voice was kind and warm, soft and melodic.

Lea cleared her throat. "Why did you do it? Why’d you help the king? Why not just hide us both? Tanad would've kept us safe. Did you not trust him? Or was it Eudora you didn’t trust?" Evangeline's smile turned sad.

"Eudora," she echoed, and Lea's gut churned. "It's hard to know, now that she's working with Alaric, what was the truth and what was deceit. We knew of her prophecy, of course. The Daughter of Suns and Stars would come to save the kingdom. She warned me to never get pregnant. Said whatever child I conceived would never be safe from the Black King. That her power would call to him. Power immense enough to changeeverything, to save the world or destroy it."

Evangeline looked at her as if she could actually see her face. "I told her she was foolish, that I had no plans to have a child. I didn't want to raise a child outside of my kingdom, and I knew to do so within it wasn’t safe. And then, I met Ryland."

"Is he…" Lea didn't know what she wanted to ask. Her father? Alive? A good man?

"Your father, yes." Evangeline reached out as if to touch Lea’s arm, but stopped herself.

"What happened to him?" Lea’s voice was soft. Hesitant. Did she even want to know?

Evangeline’s shoulders fell, and suddenly, she seemed exhausted. "The Black King happened, just like with everything else. We were happy. So happy, but the king found out about me. Had heard that the queen's child had been taken from her womb. He was paranoid, certain I was out there somewhere, plotting his demise." Her bottom lip trembled. "I wasn't. I just wanted to live on my own soil, in my own kingdom. We built a home, a garden, right in the Wicked Wood. The demons stayed away, as if we were blessed by the goddess herself. Maybe we were."

Lea pictured the house her father had brought her to. The very garden that she’d had her vision in.

"I shielded it, and every day I added to the shield’s strength. But it still wasn't enough."

"How did you escape?"

"I was out gathering herbs when I heard Ryland's scream. The pain in that scream…" Evangeline quieted, swallowing several times before continuing. "Ifelthis pain. There was no way he would have survived whatever had been done to him." Her hand drifted to her stomach. "I’d just found out about you. Hadn't even had the chance to tell Ryland yet. But when I heard that scream, I knew they would kill me if I returned, and therefore, kill you. So I fled. I left him behind."

Her voice broke, and she raised her fist, biting down on a knuckle to stop the tears. The tears she couldn't cry, but certainly felt.

"I'm sorry," Lea said, the word feeling so small and insignificant.

Evangeline shook her head. "No. It was the right decision. I wouldn't change it. And I certainly don't regret it. I hid, hoping I could eventually return home, but it never felt safe. Once you were born, I fled south, back to Calir. To Tanad. I knew they would protect you, just like I knew I had to try to kill Brennus. Eudora came and made a bargain with me. She would give me some of her magic—magic that would allow me to make a potion to slip into the king's food or drink that would kill him instantly andwas undetectable. It would target only him, even if he had poison testers. I didn't have his strength, or his power, and it seemed like the only way. In exchange, I would bring home Eudora's niece, Seraphine."

"The witch he kept captive before you. The one who created the Lonely Death," Lea said.

"Yes. I know you judge her—and me. And we deserve that. But the things the king did to us…" Evangeline shivered. "She begged for death, but he wouldn't grant her pleas. The pain. The torture. The way he cracked into our minds. When I was caught, when the king realized who I was, healmostbroke me. He knew I wasn’t the daughter of suns and stars, that I didn't have both day and night magic. So he had me examined. It was—"

She stopped, taking a deep breath. "When his healer told him I had given birth before, I think he saw an opportunity. Eudora’s niece was nothing but a shell of who she’d once been. She was almost comatose, sitting in an empty room day in and day out with her head hung and her eyes glazed over. He couldn't get her to do magic anymore, even with the most horrific punishments. But he knew I would doanythingto protect you. He told Seraphine that if she would give all her magic to me, he would grant her death. She did it freely. Willingly and desperately. Every last drop, and I had no choice but to accept it."

Lea pondered this for a minute. "The king gave up on finding me that easily?"

"No. He searched for you everywhere. He tortured me daily. The one thing I have done right in this life is enduring it all to protect you." Evangeline's lower lip trembled. "I'm sorry I missed your childhood. I knew that Adelaide and Henry would be good to you. That they would protect you. It was the only way I’d been able to leave at all. Eudora promised me Tanad wouldn't leave you unless you were protected.

"I was protected, and very well loved." Ajolt of sorrow stabbed between Lea’s ribs at the memory of her mother.

"You must hate me for this mess I put us in."

"Of course I don't hate you. We've all made mistakes and errors in judgment. If Brennus had found me, this war would've been over before it even started. It was foretold that it would end up this way."

"Thank you," Evangeline said. "I don't deserve your forgiveness, anyone's forgiveness, but I will take it." She patted Lea’s hand, quickly and tentatively, and Lea allowed it. A lump formed in her throat as they rode on, the silence far more comfortable this time as Lea let Evangeline's confessions sink in.

She truly had loved her. Had been trying to keep her safe all along, and even though Gray was worried she had ulterior motives, Lea knew somewhere deep inside her that for once, there were none. Evangeline was simply a mother who loved her daughter and hadn’t known what else to do.

"Tanad said something about your magic that I’ve been thinking about," Lea said.

Evangeline stayed silent, waiting for Lea to continue, but she sucked in a sharp breath. "He said you could hold death at bay. I did that, once," Lea said, "but I don't knowhowI did it. I just kind of…" Lea trailed off, trying to figure out how to put what she’d felt that night into words. "I could feel death, and I fought it off. But I've never felt it again."

Evangeline nodded. "It's an eerie feeling, isn't it? Finding death’s cold fingers grasping for something. Someone," she corrected herself. "It took some time for me to figure out what it was. Death… He's not often brazen and bold. His presence is subtle. Sneaky. He doesn't want himself to be known, so he hides. Once I learned how to tell when he was lurking, though, he became easier to fight."

"What does he feellike?" Lea asked, a cold dread spreading through her stomach.

Evangeline shivered. "A chill. Like you need a sweater. Not cold enough to make your teeth chatter or your nose run. Just enough to turn the skin on your arms to gooseflesh. That was always my first sign that death was approaching. And then, if you pay attention, really focus, you'll feel him. It’s as if he's standing over your shoulder, watching you. You'll never see him, but you'll know he's there, waiting for the moment he can reach out and pluck your soul away; take it to wherever we go before we enter the veil."

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