Page 23 of A Petal in the Crown

Gray looked at her without any hint of judgment or fear or disgust. “Death will change you,” he said. “It changed me, too.”

“It's not just that. Of course, that’s part of it, but… It's this magic. I was never supposed to have it. I can feel it. It’s wrong. When I—”Lea took a deep breath, thinking through what she wanted to say. “When my emotions get out of control, it's like my magic feeds on it. It takes over. I don’t want to live this way. I don’t trust myself around our people. Not if I can’t control it.”

“Youdidcontrol it. You didn't kill him,” Gray answered.

“Becauseyoutook the sword.” Lea glanced at the hilt of her weapon, but Gray lifted her chin.

“Becauseyou asked me to, and only because you fought against that darkness and won. You chose not to kill him.”

Lea’s shoulders dropped, and she sniffled. “But what happens next time? I don't want to be this person. I don't want towantto destroy and maim and kill.”

Gray was silent, and Lea wondered if he agreed with her. If deep down, he knew she was no longer the girl filled with light that he had fallen in love with. Could he still love her if all the warmth inside her had been replaced by dark, cold power? The thought of losing his love was even more painful than her death. More painful than when Alaric had beat her, or when her mother died.

“What you think is darkness,” Gray lifted her chin to meet his eyes. “It’s just a weapon. One you can use for good. Youcancontrol it. Because you’re the strongest woman I know. Because you are determined to protect the people you love. I have watched you try to sacrifice yourself again and again for your friends—for me. Even when it was misguided or foolish. You’ve always put others above yourself. This is no different. You’ll find a way to control it, because that is what you have to do to protect the people you love. And however I can, I will help you. Because I loveyou. Every part of you. Darkness and all.”

The words soothed the ache in her chest, just enough to take a deep breath.

“You can do this,” Gray said, tucking her hair behind her ear. But as he said the words, a petal fell from Lea's crown. A warning.

And as it turned black and crumbled into dust before it even reached the ground, Lea realized… It wasn’t a warning at all. It was a threat.

Lea held back a sob, a pain shooting through her heart as if it was shattering. Not just from her sorrow at seeing a petal fall, but her bone-weary exhaustion chipping away at every part of her—her heart, her lungs, and veins, and organs.

“Hey,” Gray said, lifting her chin to meet his gaze. That same sadness and exhaustion were mirrored in his own eyes, every emotion she was feeling echoed on his face. His rough hand moved from her chin to her cheek, tucking his fingers behind her ear and into her hair. “Wewillfigure this out,” he breathed, leaning closer. “I swear it. And you know I don’t break my promises.”

He leaned his forehead to press against hers, their noses brushing together as Lea nodded. She couldn't speak. There was nothing left to say. No words that would make everything right or okay.

And so, when Gray closed the distance between their lips, she opened for him immediately, hoping she could tell him everything she was feeling with her lips and tongue. Gray crawled over her, the heavy weight of his body pressing into her and soothing her soul in a way that couldn't be replicated. It grounded her—reminded her that she was more than just a swirling mess of shadows, darkness, and fear.

Lea reached for the hem of Gray’s shirt, pulling it over his head in one swift motion. She tried not to look at his scarred chest, but her eyes immediately moved to the jagged, puckered skin just below his collarbone. It was cruel that even after eating the moonflowers, the gods hadn't allowedthatscar to heal. Every one of Gray's other injuries had vanished after consuming the petals. But not this one. It was as if they were destined to be reminded of their loss every moment of their lives.

It is a grave thing to break the mate bond,Emma had told her what felt like years ago. She’d been so naïve, hadn’t wanted the bond that she felt had been forced upon her. But now? Lea would do anything to get it back, to be able to feel Gray’s emotions that deeply again, to know his every thought and feeling.

Gray’s scar disappeared from her sight as he pressed his chest against hers, dipping his head to kiss the curve of her neck as his strong fingers slowly unbuttoned the top of her dress. He pulled it over her head andtossed it to the floor, his eyes darkening as he took in every inch of her exposed skin.

His hand curved around her hip bone, and he leaned down to claim her mouth once again. His kisses were so different from the way he'd devoured her when she first returned from beyond the veil. Where before they had been animalistic in their intensity, now, they were soothing—long and slow—his steady pressure reassuring her that somehow, everything would be okay.

Lea gasped as his hand slid up to her breast, squeezing just above her heart. She reached between them, desperate to touch his velvety length, but a long trail of shadows snaked up her arm, pinning it above her head.

“Let me take care of you,” he growled against her skin, nipping as he worked his way down to her breast. His hand slid between her legs, and Lea moaned, giving in to the warmth spreading through her body—Gray’s touch making her feel comforted and loved and somehow…safe.

“So fucking beautiful,” he rasped, pressing a finger inside her. Lea pressed down against him, needing to feel him deeper. “My queen,” he continued. “My love. My life. My mate,” he said, kissing her scar.

He pushed another finger inside, moving back up to kiss Lea’s lips. “My mate,” he repeated into her mouth, and tears burned the back of her eyes at his words, at his reminder that mark or no mark, shewashis mate. His equal.

Gray pressed kisses to her throat as he lined up his thick, impossibly hard length against her entrance, staring into her eyes and pressing inside, so slow and tender it wasalmostpainful. His shadows released the hold on her arms as he sank inside her, and Lea wrapped herself around him, her fingers tracing the muscles of his back as he began to move.

Slow and deep and rhythmic, he thrust into her, their bodies moving together as sweat built on her skin. Lea quivered as Gray changed theangle, just slightly, her pleasure building impossibly quick. Warmth spread through her body, her core turning molten as Gray’s hands explored her body. Threading through her hair then trailing all the way to her toes, as if memorizing every small line and divot.

The pressure inside her continued to build, her breaths growing rapid and shallow as he thrust deeper, as if needing to mark her in some way to prove to the gods that she was his. That their missing mate mark meant nothing, because shewashis. Forever. And the gods had absolutely no say in the matter.

At the thought, Lea shattered, her walls clenching around Gray as he followed her into his own release, wave after wave of pure ecstasy pulsing through every inch of their bodies.

Gray leaned down to kiss Lea again, slowly and thoroughly, and he stilled, as if making sure she understood what he was feeling.No one can take you from me. We will find a way. You are mine, and mine alone.

And Lea almost believed him. Would have, had another petal not fallen from her crown between their bodies as he pulled her into his arms, smearing black ash across their skin, and terror through Lea’s blood.

Chapter 14

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