Page 86 of A Sun Scorched Bloom

"That sounds like a godsend," she said, thinking about how much more difficult navigating her grief would have been if she hadn’t been able to afford to eat.

"It was. Because my mom never recovered. Not really. I started staying up late to rock Lily to sleep and getting up early to change her diapers."

"Is she your youngest sister?"

Noah’s lips tipped up at the edges. "Yes. She was only eight months old when my dad was killed. My mom couldn’t care for her like she deserved. Or for Kaeli or Suzie. But I didn’t want them to suffer even more. So I stepped up."

The sound of pages flipping filled the air until they abruptly stopped. Noah traced the words on a page, then lifted the book to show Lea.

Potion for peace from grief. Unsuccessful.There was no flower on the page. Just several rows of notes on different plants and herbs that had failed.

"Grief is a lot easier when you have a purpose. When it asks something of you," Noah said, his eyes sad. "I had people who depended on me, and I wasn’t going to let them down."

"That’s admirable," Lea whispered as she traced her mother’s handwriting again, a wave of sorrow flooding her veins. Maybe it would have been easier if she’d had siblings, some other family member to hold on to through her grief.

"It’s still what gets me through, Lea." Noah placed a hand gently on hers, stilling her nervous tracing. "My sistersstilldepend on me. Not for comfort anymore, but to help defeat the Black King. To give them a chance of living in a kingdom that values peace over power. It’s why I sometimes guard Emma when she’s alone in the library. Why I watch over you, and help where I can." He pulled his hand away. "I know I’m young, and Gray likely doesn’t need my assistance. Not really. But Ihaveto help. I busy myself with ways to be of service, both to him and the cause. Firewood, hunting game, helping his mate build and maintain a fire." Noah winked at her, and Lea’s heart warmed. He reminded her of her friend Solomon back home. He was so good natured, and it made Lea’s chest ache with homesickness. "I owe himeverything. Not just for the gold he left for us when my mother died."

Lea’s jaw dropped.What? Gray had been the stranger who left them money when his father had died?

"But also for being the one brave enough to help me continue to protect my sisters. Without him, there is no war. There is no chance for peace. Whenever I feel sad about my dad, that is what I think about. What can I do? Who needs me?"

Lea couldn’t help but smile. "Well, if my opinion matters, you’re very good at helping. Especially me. Especially when Erik is being a pain in the ass about my magic."

"I don’t think you’re hearing what I’m saying, my queen." He emphasized the word, and Lea’s eyes snapped up. "Lea, of course, your opinion matters. This is how you deal with your grief. You have a purpose. You have power that until now, no one has even dreamed of. Gray may have the armies and the strategy and the plans in place to defeat his father and brother, butyouare the one who can finish it. You have an entire kingdom of people depending on you. So you use that pain and grief and you turn it into a way tohelp. And in return, it will help you through it."

"I just don’t feel—"

"Respectfully, Lea," he paused, "it doesn’t matter what youfeel. That you feel like you aren’t enough, or that you're undeserving, or whatever it is you're worried about. You have the potential to be the most powerful weapon at our disposal. So it’s time you believe it. Because we all believe in you."

Lea was speechless. He’d somehow smashed straight into the heart of her fears. Right into the center of all of her doubts. But he was right, wasn’t he? As much as she didn’t want her primary magic, that wild and unruly power continued to slowly leech from the crack in her chest. She was a descendent of the most powerful queen in Desia’s history, and had magic of the day and night. Maybe it was time she started believing in herself after all. The thought made her want to vomit, but she shoved the feeling away. If Noah could be so brave as to join the Royal Army as a child, just hoping to find Gray and somehow make a difference, she could force herself to find some courage as well.

"Anyway," Noah stood. "Thank you for letting me help you all. The fact that I'm here, actually part of saving the kingdom… It’s the greatest gift I could be given." Nodding solemnly, he turned to walk away.

"Noah." Lea stopped him. "We’re going to need a court, you know. Gray and I, once we’ve won the war." It was true. Once the war was over and they had a kingdom to run, they would need honorable, honest people to help them. "Erik, Janelle, and Emma will be part of it. And you. If you’ll have us, that is."

"Me? I—" Noah swallowed, his eyes practically sparkling with joy. "Of course. I’ll prove myself worthy of this. I swear it."

"You already have, Noah," Lea said with a warm smile. "I’ll try my best to prove myself worthy as well."

Noah nodded, a smile tugging at his lips as he bowed, then spun on his heel to leave. "Oh, I almost forgot," he said, stopping and looking over his shoulder. "Erik is looking for you. He said he’ll meet you outside your room. But I'm warning you. He looks suspiciously excited."

Chapter 58

Lea

"Oh,Sunshine!"Ajollyvoice called as Erik came sauntering merrily up the hallway, a mischievous glint in his eye.

"I thought we were meeting after lunch for more training," Lea said, pausing and turning her head warily. "And why are you smiling like that?"

"I’ve changed my mind. I spoke to the king's top general, and he agreed to lend us a special room and the use of his soldiers for training purposes. They’re waiting for us. Let’s go," Erik ordered, and Lea marveled at how quickly Erik could flip between treating her like a friend and acting like an overbearing drill sergeant.

There was a skip in his usually heavy steps, and he was clearly excited about whatever he had planned based on his rosy cheeks and not-so-subtle smile. "You’ve been doing remarkably well in your training with your day magic," Erik said.

It was true; she had. Over the last several days, she’d been able to control the size and intensity of the heat of her fires. She'd also practiced latching her fire onto other objects as she had in the Wicked Wood, such as Erik’s sword, or arrows flying through the air. She was beginning to understand that her magic was just like another muscle. With discipline and repetition, it had started to obey her, just like using a limb.

"You need to keep practicing, but I’m not sure there’s much more I can teach you there."

"Then what are we working on?" Lea nearly had to run to keep up with Erik.

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