Page 74 of Sinner's Secret

“Times ten.” He sighed. “One of the things we’re obsessed about is our genetic family trees. It’s one of the reasons I drive a cab in New York. Joe, from Joe’s Pub, is from a branch of my family.” He met her gaze. “We don’t know which family line you’re from.”

“I’m from?” She sounded shocked.

“Yes.”

“Is that what your cousin meant when he said I could be one of you?”

“Yes, you have the genetic quirk that might allow you to become a vampire if you were infected with the Sweating Sickness. But, there’s no guarantee. Pretty often, people with the right genes die anyway. We’ve tried to increase our numbers a few times, but too many people perished. Which means fewer new generations. So, our leaders decided to outlaw any attempts to change anyone into a vampire, unless approved by them and only after dire need can be proven.”

“Leaders?”

“Yes, we have a group of about seven, from all over the world, who have leadership roles. Not as formal as an elected body or council. We’re not a democracy. The strongest lead.”

“Did you lead before your wife died?”

He nodded. “Afterward, I lost my mind to grief and rage. I destroyed our home, a castle in Europe. I was the strongest at the time, but I turned my back on everyone and everything. I started only drinking the blood of people who had alcohol in their system to punish myself. I also drank as little blood as possible.”

“You’ve been punishing yourself, and starving yourself, all this time?”

“Yeah.”

She poked his arm. “Well, stop it.”

“I don’t know if I can. I’m used to it, and I’m afraid that if I let myself go back to who I was before...I’ll end up mostly a monster. I don’t want to be that monster again.”

He looked at her. “I liked how you looked at me when I finally got to you at that apartment. You were happy to see me. You trusted me. I don’t want to lose that.”

Her gaze never left his face, and he could see her contemplate everything he said with care and consideration.

Finally, she said, “Then don’t go back, move forward.”

“How can I when I’m stuck in this body that never changes?” He smacked his chest.

“That’s just flesh and blood,” she argued, and tapped her temple. “I’m talking about up here. Make decisions based on what you want out of life right now. You might not be able to change your exterior, but you can always learn something new, become something better. If you decide that’s what you want.”

“It’s hard to do better, to be more than a weapon, when my people are attacked.”

She froze, then tilted her head, thinking so hard he could hear gears grinding. “Is that what’s going on here?” she asked. “Someone is attacking people important to you?”

He shrugged. “But I’m nobody now. Why would anyone do that?”

“Now,” she stressed the word and looked at him as if she could read his entire life history by looking at his face.

Maybe she could.

“Let’s look at the situation logically.”

“Is that even possible?” he asked. “People commit crimes out of greed, revenge, or a desire for power. Those are emotional reasons.”

“We do understand those reasons, though. In many ways, we can quantify those reasons by evaluating them from a risk verses benefit standpoint.”

“That never occurred to me,” he admitted. “I was too busy wallowing in grief and anger.”

“You’ve only been in New York for a couple of years. You were in Chicago before that, and you spent some time in the Army as a medic, right?”

“Yeah.”

“Why a medic and not a soldier? In the right unit you could have killed a lot of people without anyone looking at you sideways.”

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