Page 49 of Wes

Or telling him I love him when I’ve got no right to do so. If he doesn’t know what he’s dealing with, how can he truly love me. Case in point, the nightmares that haunted me every so often.

“I’m leading him on,” I mutter, shaking my head.

Then, reality shakes me by the throat, and I roll onto my stomach again.

Punching the pillow beside me, I growl, “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”

The ‘L’ word is not why I’m so frustrated. And I’m not mad at the man at all. For fuck’s sake. He’s been a saint to me. I’m pissed at myself because for the first time in ten years, I forgot the anniversary of Ken’s death.

Bile scorches my stomach and I bite the pillowcase, clenching my teeth. Ken was killed ten years ago today. And I spent the day in another man’s arms, deliriously happy, oblivious to anything that wasn’t his scent, his taste, or his… love?

“I’m getting nowhere with these emotions chasing one another in my head,” I mumble, pushing up and moving to stand by the side of the bed.

I stalk to the chair where I left my purse and rummage through its content until I grab the orange tube of sleeping pills Dr. Abbess prescribed. I take them only on rare occasions such as this, when I won’t get any rest unless I quiet these conflicting thoughts.

I know what I must do. I just need to replenish myself, to gather the energy necessary to go down that dark road into the past and open up to Wes about it.

I get out of the bedroom and find my way to the small kitchen area beside the living room. I get a bottle of water from the fridge and open it. I twist the cap of the medicine open, drop a tablet on my tongue, and take a swig of water.

Walking back to the bed, I empty the bottle of water and toss it in the wastebasket. I climb back into bed, curl under the covers, and shut my eyes tight.

Next thing I know, a female voice calls my name as the world shakes.

“What?” I groan, burrowing my head under the pillow.

“Maria, hon. Are you okay?”

I knit my eyebrows. I know that voice.

“Ally.” I sit up on the bed. “Shit!” I remember to pull the sheet up to cover my nakedness.

“No worries. I’m just relieved you’ve come back to the world of the living.”

“What do you mean?”

“Tell you what. Take a shower to wash away the sleep and put on some clothes. I’ll wait for you in the living room.”

I nod and wait for her to close the door behind her before throwing my legs over the side of the bed to stand up.

Fifteen minutes later, in baggy sweatpants and an oversized sweatshirt, I step into the living room to find Ally placing two plates on the small dining table. Beside it, there’s a hotel cart with assorted trays covered with silver domes and two pitchers. One holds water and the other, orange, I guess.

I glance around but find no evidence that Wes has returned to the room since last night. Although I’m eager to straighten things out with him, I’m also starving and a light light-headed.

Sniffing the air, I recognize the smell of omelet and toast before I lift the covering and releasing the smoke trapped inside.

I plop on a chair and smile at Ally as she takes the other across from me. “Thank you for ordering breakfast. I’m starving. I could use some caffeine though.” I strain my neck to look over the cart and under it, but I don’t find a thermos. “Have you seen it?”

She smiles. “This is lunch, sweetie. It’s almost one in the afternoon.”

“Holy shit.”

“Indeed. But I brewed some coffee while I waited for you to wake up. It’s on the counter over there.” She points to the kitchen area and motions to stand up.

I stop her with a hand on her forearm. “Sorry about that.” I get up and mumble under my breath. “It was very late when I took the sleeping pill.”

When I return with a mug of steaming coffee, Ally watches me with concern. “Sleeping pills? What’s going on?”

The first sip of coffee warms my throat, but the caffeine won’t kick in for a few minutes. “We’ll get to that,” I promise. “I need time for my brain to catch up with my body. Or is it the other way around? See, not enough caffeine in my system.”

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