Page 51 of Wes

She pats my knee. “I’d bet a million dollars you haven’t said it to yourself up to this moment either.”

“You’re right. I haven’t sorted out my feelings for Wes because they’re so entangled with my past. And I’m still trying to figure that out as well.”

She frowns. “I don’t follow.”

I hold her stare for a couple of beats weighing out how much I should tell her before talking to Wes. My heart shatters as I picture the man sitting on the floor on the other side of the door. He promised me he’d give me space. Yet he was too worried to go anywhere.

I take in a deep breath and sigh. “After the appalling way I treated him yesterday, I feel so bad. You mentioned earlier how much it hurts you when Logan doesn’t let you in.”

She nods. “It’s like he doesn’t trust me.”

“Exactly. I’ve just realized I’m doing the same to Wes. He must have felt like I shut him off.”

Because I did. And it guts me.

With a calm expression, she waits for me to go on.

“I’ll give you a shortened version because I want to talk to Wes first. I owe him that much. I’ll fill you in next time we talk.”

A sweet smile graces her lips. “Sounds fair to me.”

“Yesterday was the tenth anniversary of my husband’s murder,” I blurt out.

“Oh, honey. I’m so sorry.”

I shake my head. “That’s not the worst part. For the first time, I forgot all about it.”

“Oh, shit,” she mumbles, chewing her lower lip.

“Exactly. I remember in the middle of the night when I woke up from a recurring nightmare and found Wes in my bed.” I pause to swallow hard. “I just snapped and pushed him away. It was too much for me to process. I felt so guilty.” Among other things, but I’ll reserve that thought for when I talk to Wes.

“I won’t pretend I understand everything you’re going through, and I respect your choices. But I’ve come to know you well enough to say this. You wouldn’t have reacted that way without a grave reason.”

“Thank you.” I press my hand over my sternum.

“You bet.” She glances at the door before pinning me with a pointy stare. “You think you’re ready to talk to Wes?”

My heart thuds against my ribcage and I gasp for air. “Is he outside?”

“You kidding me? Nobody was able to pry him away from that door. And we all tried.”

I hide my face in my hands. “Fuck me.”

She rubs my back with a hand and squeezes my shoulder with the other. “Hey, don’t beat yourself up. We all have given these guys ammunition to mock the hell out of us.” When I look at her through my fingers, cheeks burning, she winks. “Besides, he actually refused to tell us anything. We knew there was something wrong because he said he didn’t want to come in but was concerned about you. Then, he clammed up and began pacing the length of the door. I guess he’s worn the carpet out by now.”

Despite the sinking feeling in the pit of my stomach, I nod a couple of times. “I’m not sure I’m ready for this, but I’ve got to do it.”

She hugs me tight and smooches my cheek. “You’ve got this. I’m here for you whenever you need me.”

“Thanks.”

Ally pushes off the couch and leaps to her feet. As she walks toward the door, panic catches me by the throat, squeezing it until no air comes into my lungs.

What if he slashes my heart further?

He’s got dark cravings that trigger my demons.

He wants kids that I can’t give him.

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