Page 45 of Wes

Ally jumps from her place beside Logan and throws her arms around my neck, kissing my cheek. “Hey, don’t cry. I’m so happy I’ll sing with the guys too. I want you to be happy.”

“I am, I promise.” I sniff. “I’m so thankful to you all.”

Before I know it, I’m standing in the middle of the dressing room, surrounded by the band, Kim and Ally. They hug me and kiss me, and we laugh.

Until Wes drapes an arm around my waist and pulls me behind his body. Pushing his band mates away, when they jokingly reach out to grab me, he chuckles, “Enough, guys.” Then he turns to hold my stare. My heart forgets to beat when he growls, “I’m done with you all groping my girlfriend.”

His words make my soul soar.

16

WES

Aweek after I blurted the ‘G’ word, I still haven’t opened up my heart to Maria. Although our sex life has never been this amazing, I haven’t told her how much I truly care.

“Damn it!” I pound the door in frustration. “I can’t even say the word in my own head,” I mutter.

“A quite hard one, by the way.” Erik stands at the doorway to his suite with a wide grin and a smug expression. He’s still wearing the same black leather pants and black shirt he had on this morning. I sometimes wonder if he owns clothes in any other color. Stepping aside to let me in, he asks, “What’s going on in that thick skull of yours? I just got the last part of your mumbling.”

I shake my head as I follow him to a sitting area exactly like the one in my own suite. His guitar is propped against the four-seat couch and his tattered notebook lays open on the coffee table, exactly where we left it a couple of hours ago.

I sag into the soft leather cushion, prop my elbows on my thighs, and cover my face with my hands. As I groan into my palms, the spot beside me sinks under Erik’s weight. He puts his arm around my shoulders and squeezes my upper arm.

I snap my head around to look at him. “Who are you? What have you done to my surly band mate?”

He throws his head back with a boisterous laughter. “Fair enough.” Sobering up, he adds, “I guess that’s a side effect of finding the love of my life. Christine brought out the best in me, a part I didn’t even know existed.” With another firm grip on my biceps, he drops his hand to his lap, lacing his fingers together and staring at them. “And now I regret all the bad choices I made that led to her breaking up with me. Listening to you describe your relationship with Maria, as we work on your song, I’ve been having strong déjà vu vibes.”

My stomach drops as if I’m falling from the top of a fifty-story building. As my palms get cold and clammy, I rub them on my gray wool pants. “I live in terror thinking when – not if, mind you – I’ll screw this up beyond repair. I mean, I wasn’t exactly a meek celibate before I met Maria. What if I fall into my old patterns?” When my demons rear their ugly heads all at once, my chest tightens. Unable to breathe, I hook a finger on the V-neckline of my black t-shirt and pull it down.

Erik slants his head; his brown eyes probe mine for a couple of beats. “You’re talking about your sex compulsion, aren’t you?”

If he punched me in the face, it wouldn’t hurt as much.

“I’ve never named it before. But lately I’ve been reading about it and I’m pretty sure that’s what happens to me.” I pause to give Erik a chance to respond. He stares at the fireplace in front of us for such a long time I get uncomfortable. “What’s so bad you don’t know how to tell me?”

He chuckles. “That’s not it. At least, it’s not about me judging your behavior. I’m considering mine.”

“You’ve lost me.”

“I know. Sorry. What I can tell you is that therapy has helped me find out so much about myself, but I’m aware not everyone needs it.” He pats my knee. “I’m happy you’ve found out this stuff about yourself on your own. Naming something, being aware of it, is the first, most important step on your path to healing.”

I release the air trapped in my lungs in a long sigh of relief. “You’re saying you think I’m right? I’m a sex addict?”

“I’m not a psychologist, and surely not a prude. I’ve also had my fair share of easy lays and wild parties. Hell, the four of us have taken advantage of our rock star status and then some. But we’ve always trailed you by a ridiculously big difference.”

I hang my head and grunt. “Before I met Maria, I never gave it a second thought. A hot-blooded man wouldn’t say ‘no’ to three gorgeous women begging to have sex with him, right? If they meant at the same time, even better. If I fucked each one individually, morning, afternoon, and night, I’d be a happy camper.” I lift my head and swallow hard. “Now, the memory of those moments makes me queasy.”

A deep crease forms between his eyebrows. “What’s changed?”

I consider his question for a beat until the answer slaps me in the face with the strength of a world-champion heavy-weight fighter.

I utter between gritted teeth, “God, I’m an idiot.”

“No arguments there.”

“Fuck you.” My lips curve in a derisive smile at seeing the smug on his face. “Yeah, you’re right though. Things changed right after I met Maria.”

“You guys didn’t get together for a while between meeting in Brazil and starting to go out in San Francisco. You’re saying you didn’t have the urge to fuck random strangers during all that time? I ask because I know a thing or two about compulsion.” He pauses.

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